Alive Or Just Breathing.Two years ago my boyfriends mother was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal breast cancer that had made its was up the spine,
ate away three vertebrae,
and consumed its was into her brain.
Leaving a mass of tumours,
that are on her emotional portion of her brain.
This causes her to be emotionally unstable,
and shout out certain things,
and show me her decaying fingernails that the chemo has eaten away.
The treatment was working,
Until the cancer became immune to it.
Now she started the harder chemo again.
I probably stay in this relationship that involves me being yelled at constantly because I feel horrible about that.
If it wasn't for the fact that without me he would have no one but a broken family and a dying mother.
That he disrespects oh so dearly.
I know that for me to be able to heal from past issues and demons I need to move on and just, take that step forward.
But I just can't live with that.
Constantly I care for him, trying to make him feel better,
to calm his sobs,
to ignore his extreme anger,
the lashing out,
But I guess more than anything, I'm afraid that he wont be okay.