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Alive Or Just Breathing.

Two years ago my boyfriends mother was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal breast cancer that had made its was up the spine,
ate away three vertebrae,
and consumed its was into her brain.
Leaving a mass of tumours,
that are on her emotional portion of her brain.
This causes her to be emotionally unstable,
and shout out certain things,
and show me her decaying fingernails that the chemo has eaten away.

The treatment was working,
Until the cancer became immune to it.
Now she started the harder chemo again.

I probably stay in this relationship that involves me being yelled at constantly because I feel horrible about that.
If it wasn't for the fact that without me he would have no one but a broken family and a dying mother.
That he disrespects oh so dearly.

I know that for me to be able to heal from past issues and demons I need to move on and just, take that step forward.
But I just can't live with that.

Constantly I care for him, trying to make him feel better,
to calm his sobs,
to ignore his extreme anger,
the lashing out,
the fear.

But I guess more than anything, I'm afraid that he wont be okay.
jenniferxlove jenniferxlove 18-21, F 2 Responses Sep 18, 2011

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I know that this is harder for some people than others, but at some point you need to start putting yourself first.<br />
YOU are the most important person in YOUR LIFE. If he can't give you what you need, you should move on for your own sake. It's alright to leave the door open to him - not for him to crawl back, but for an ear, or a shoulder, but never again should you allow him to use you as his pin cushion.

I know that this is harder for some people than others, but at some point you need to start putting yourself first.<br />
YOU are the most important person in YOUR LIFE. If he can't give you what you need, you should move on for your own sake. It's alright to leave the door open to him - not for him to crawl back, but for an ear, or a shoulder, but never again should you allow him to use you as his pin cushion.