When Love Hurts

When Love Hurts

I can relate to many women, who have been mentally and emotionally abused, by what started out as a loving, and caring relationship, then it turned into there own personal hell.

I was in their shoes just a couple of years ago. I was led to believe that I could not live on my own, I would end up on the street and be a bag lady, he kept telling me something was wrong with me. Even though I was on antidepressant medication for my major depressive disorder, I was seldom happy.

He would often tell me that what I saw or heard was all in my head, pertaining to what he said or had done. He would jump out from behind things to scare me, laugh when I was startled, tell me how stupid I was, how I was getting old, and no longer fun. He didn't want me to have a job or friends, he had nothing nice to say about anyone. He was jealous, if I spent time with my children, my grandchildren, my sister or brother.

I was often accused of sleeping around, even when I had jury duty, he said I must be sleeping with the District Attorney. When I stayed by my mother's bedside the day she collapsed and had to be hospitalized, he said I was probably sleeping with a doctor.

I have kept journals of everything he put me through. Those journals helped me, not to go back to this man, even as he threatened suicide...I called 911, just in case, and he told the cops I, had a problem.

He cried and begged, but I was so much stronger by then, with the help of a therapist, I understood how I, the person I use to be, was lost in this mentally abusive marriage....I tried to make the marriage work, but I think I stayed too long.

Because 17 years was too much, so now I must work on myself, to heal the wounds, he left behind. I can honestly say I am a Survivor. I Survived a brain tumor (Meningioma), in 2000, after my surgery, I was just happy to be alive. But he couldn't even stand for that. He decided it was his job to bring me back to reality, his reality, the way he wanted it.

I didn't know then that for the next 5 years, I would be riding an emotional roll coaster, one that he controlled.

I still remember the day I decided to leave him, I told my sister if I had it to do all over, I would have never bothered having my surgery. I was that miserable and unhappy.

I know that there are many women, who are trapped in this kind of relationship. I want to tell them all, don't wait for things to change, because they won't, he won't.

Just get out, now....for the children's sake, and for your sanity.  Please, make that commitment today, this very moment, to have a better life, a happy life, I promise you will not be sorry.

I am so grateful for the peace I have today, I never knew what I was missing. I know, I don't miss him, I don't miss the life I had, because now I will only include people into my life, that are kind, honest and loving,  Because from that day forward, I call the shots, I decide how I live my life, no one else, will ever rule over me.  I will not  stand for anyone to treat me bad or disrespect me . Not now, not tomorrow, not ever, and neither should you.

Hope I have helped someone, even if its, in a small way...

Peace & Love


56-60, F
14 Responses Apr 17, 2008

Good for you! You loved yourself more and it's never too late.

Thanks for sharing I also just gotten out of an emotional abusive relationship. It was similiar to your situation. I feel free, and happy of my choice.

Thank you for sharing. I relate to almost everything you said. I was in that situation for almost 3 years. I'm 18 now, and its been almost 2 years since I left him.. but it still really hurts to think about. This may be weird to say, it feels better that I'm not alone. I haven't really spoken to anyone about it, and hearing what you went through and being able to relate helps the pain I am in. I haven't had any real closure from it with myself, and the last part of your story " Please, make that commitment today, this very moment, to have a better life, a happy life, I promise you will not be sorry." , that really helps.
Thank you. And I hope I can live a happy peaceful life like you are now :)

Thank you Mary I hope I am able to do what I need to do to get away,

Thank you Mary! It is nice to hear from someone in my age group. I'm feeling so stupid these days. I've been in an abusive relationship for 3 1/2 years. I'd never been in one before. I never knew how warped your thinking can become or how hard it is to leave: how you begin to second guess yourself; how you actually start to believe the lies they tell you. Thanks for pointing out that there is life after an abusive relationship!

If this therapy actually works, then it will do wonders!<br />
<br />
Hellen Wojick<br />

Thinking about your comment about being on meds and still not being happy...When I met my husband 10 years ago I wasn't on any medication since then I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder and am on 5 different meds. I can't help wondering what my life would be like if I hadn't married him. As the time for him to move out (end of the month) draws nearer he has become more and more cruel and unpredictable. Today he asked me to watch for a package to be delivered. I left for about 30 minutes and they came, apparently he called me 10 times but I didn't hear my phone. I was punished for this with text messages calling me inept and an idiot and accusing me of meeting a boyfriend (thats the latest). When he came home he asked my 8 year old son if he met my boyfriend! Up untill that point I wouldn't engage with him..this enrages him more. That put me over the edge and I went to my car and sobbed. I am however in a 12 step program so I called someone and it calmed me down. <br />
The stories and comments on this site are really inspiring..thanks

Does therapy actually help? Does anyone really ever feel like themselves after this sort of thing happens? I feel hopeless.

thanks for sharing your story. I can relate to a lot of the things you wrote about....the jealousy and accusations of cheating, the making you think all the abuse is in your head, etc. I'm glad that you've moved forward with your life and I'm sure your story will help other women who are in a similar situation.

I sincerely appreciate your story. I can relate, although I could not imagine 17 years of a life that way. For me, it was a year and a half. At age 25. It's all still very fresh for me as I ended it tonight finally. Constantly saying things to bring me down, and everyone else, to try and make anyone possible as insecure as he must be. I don't know what goes through the minds of people that behave this way to the ones they supposedly love. It is sickening. No one should have to suffer through it. I think I was just so afraid to be alone this whole time, as if I couldn't take care of myself without him. We were living together. I moved out awhile ago but we kept seeing each other. I kept telling myself that he could change. It's like I wanted to prove my friends and family wrong since they don't like him for the way he treated me. For anyone that's still in this type of relationship, don't kid yourself - GET OUT NOW - people like this can't change. In my situation, even therapy couldn't help him. Like I said earlier this happened tonight, I loved him but had been weaning myself off of him for awhile to get to where I am now - a stronger place. One more blowout and it was the last straw for me. Good luck :)

I am a child and domestic abuse survivor, as well as a mother of a sexually abused child. I am writing a book about ALL types of abuse to others know they are not alone in their struggle. My intention is to inform others where there is prevention, education, and support.<br />
<br />
Education + Awareness = Prevention. I am inviting you to use my book as a platform share your testimony that will your contribution to spreading awareness. For your help I am giving a book; providing you pay the delivery. I prefer 1200 words but will allow up to 1500.<br />
<br />
I hope you will join me and the many other men, women, and organizations who are assisting me in my quest.<br />
<br />
If you are hesitant to help please go to http://sherry123456789.xanga.com/ I have extensive information, which includes letters of support from other professionals and samples of my writing. Or you may email: burt222@hotmail.com Then if you still feel lerry about helping that's okay, I understand. I really want my book to help others. Your help is needed and very important, so PLEASE consider helping. Remember authors may use their real name or be anonymous. <br />
<br />
I look forward to your reply. <br />
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Respectfully<br />
Sherry Clyburn

Thank you for your story. I have to spend some time and write mine. It's still very fresh. I had my husband arrested last week for domestic abuse. Our daughter and I now have a restraining order. <br />
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We're moving forward. Not sure where "forward" is, but we'll have to figure it out. I don't want my daughter to think that the men in her life can be like him. <br />
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I need to surround myself with people who understand that I'm not the crazy one, and I CAN be a good mother and live without 'him'. <br />
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Thank you again for your words of inspiration.

So tru, what we go thru makes us a survivor and stronger in the end. (survivor too)<br />
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Bless u Feflower :)

I know exactly what you mean I was also in an emotionally abusive relationship which after we broke up became physically assault.<br />
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The thing I learned looking back is that I'm a stronger person for it. I'm not happy with what happened but I know that I'm much stronger that I thought I was.<br />
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love and laughs...<br />
from one survivor to another...<br />