When Love Hurts
When Love Hurts
I can relate to many women, who have been mentally and emotionally abused, by what started out as a loving, and caring relationship, then it turned into there own personal hell.
I was in their shoes just a couple of years ago. I was led to believe that I could not live on my own, I would end up on the street and be a bag lady, he kept telling me something was wrong with me. Even though I was on antidepressant medication for my major depressive disorder, I was seldom happy.
He would often tell me that what I saw or heard was all in my head, pertaining to what he said or had done. He would jump out from behind things to scare me, laugh when I was startled, tell me how stupid I was, how I was getting old, and no longer fun. He didn't want me to have a job or friends, he had nothing nice to say about anyone. He was jealous, if I spent time with my children, my grandchildren, my sister or brother.
I was often accused of sleeping around, even when I had jury duty, he said I must be sleeping with the District Attorney. When I stayed by my mother's bedside the day she collapsed and had to be hospitalized, he said I was probably sleeping with a doctor.
I have kept journals of everything he put me through. Those journals helped me, not to go back to this man, even as he threatened suicide...I called 911, just in case, and he told the cops I, had a problem.
He cried and begged, but I was so much stronger by then, with the help of a therapist, I understood how I, the person I use to be, was lost in this mentally abusive marriage....I tried to make the marriage work, but I think I stayed too long.
Because 17 years was too much, so now I must work on myself, to heal the wounds, he left behind. I can honestly say I am a Survivor. I Survived a brain tumor (Meningioma), in 2000, after my surgery, I was just happy to be alive. But he couldn't even stand for that. He decided it was his job to bring me back to reality, his reality, the way he wanted it.
I didn't know then that for the next 5 years, I would be riding an emotional roll coaster, one that he controlled.
I still remember the day I decided to leave him, I told my sister if I had it to do all over, I would have never bothered having my surgery. I was that miserable and unhappy.
I know that there are many women, who are trapped in this kind of relationship. I want to tell them all, don't wait for things to change, because they won't, he won't.
Just get out, now....for the children's sake, and for your sanity. Please, make that commitment today, this very moment, to have a better life, a happy life, I promise you will not be sorry.
I am so grateful for the peace I have today, I never knew what I was missing. I know, I don't miss him, I don't miss the life I had, because now I will only include people into my life, that are kind, honest and loving, Because from that day forward, I call the shots, I decide how I live my life, no one else, will ever rule over me. I will not stand for anyone to treat me bad or disrespect me . Not now, not tomorrow, not ever, and neither should you.
Hope I have helped someone, even if its, in a small way...
Peace & Love