Dr Jeckle Mr Hyde

I've been married 9 years to an emotional and verbally abusive man. I know what abuse is , I'm aware that its happening but I'm still with him. If he were cruel and in a bad mood all the time I think it would be easier to leave. Instead he's like a light switch nice one day and cold and irritated the next. Every time he becomes cruel its awful and I want to leave, I feel no love just hurt. Then he apologizes and I cave I automatically feel what seems like love and want to be with him. This has been the rollercoaster of my life for 9 years. I have forsaken my sanity my children for his acceptance which I never get. Its insanity. I dont know how to stop the cycle 
niteNday9 niteNday9
36-40, F
3 Responses May 7, 2012

You wrote "If he were cruel and in a bad mood all the time I think it would be easier to leave." This is how abusers work and this is why it is called the CYCLE of abuse. They alternate between being loving and making you feel like their whole world revolves around you to making you feel worthless. This keeps you off-balance and never knowing where you stand and so they can control you more easily. <br />
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Control is the key word; this is what abuse is all about, Power & Control. <br />
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Anyone who makes you feel worthless and thereby put yourself last does not truly love you and is not worthy of your love. Give your love to someone who deserves it, who will love you unconditionally and will make you feel good about yourself. <br />
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Everyone has good days and bad ones and every relationship has its ups & downs; however, in an abusive relationship it is always one person who controls which are the good and bad days. <br />
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Take a good look at your life and ask yourself, do you want your life to be like this in 10, 20 or 30 years time? Do you want your children to live in a loving and supportive home, or to grow up watching their mother being made to feel worthless? Rest assured, if your husband is abusing you, he will also abuse your children in some way.<br />
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Consider your options, make your choices and act on them.

I think you know how to stop the cycle, you are just done with him or the relationship yet. It ain't over til it's over. I spent over 4 yrs in an abusive relationship, I was becoming more and more unhappy. I just finally ended it, I had to get a restraining order, he wouldn't leave me alone, in his mind he owned me. I go to court tomorrow morning for the permanent restraining order, and I am finally, after a lot of insanity READY to close the door and move on.

Meant to say you are NOT done with him or the relationship yet, typo....

I understand; I was married almost 12 years to an emotionally and mentally abusive man; he would never admit that I was so hurt by his lies, deceit, sabotage, back stabbing,; he just thought he was "perfect". I have studied personality disorders and find that many of the mental illnesses will appear abusive and feel that way to their loved ones.Check out outofthefog.net and bpdfamily.org for help in understanding what YOU can do to break free of the abuse; even while living with him; take care of yourself. I strongly suspect that he may be borderline personality disordered. You are welcome to personal message me anytime about it. Hope and peace to you today.

Thanks for your reply. I think your right about the personality disorder. I know he can't feel empathy. He says he's moving out at the end of the month but I doubt it. He severely resents my 15 year old daughter and feels she has no respect. I started putting up some boundaries to protect hr which put him over the edge. This is why he's leaving and I pray its finally over. Since I met him I have gained 50 lbs mostly due to all the psychiatric drugs I'm now on. Anyway thanks for your reply