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I'm Still A Bit Fearful....

I got my permanent protective order today. I know that he was served with the temporary order the evening I filed it. The very next night he had taken some other woman to a hotel room. The hotel he stayed at sent a guest satisfaction survey to my email address. He knew the date that the final order would be in court and thankfully didn't show up, so there was no drama in retaining the order. It had been a long time coming, I realize I checked out of the relationship months before we actually parted ways. I have experienced a lot of mistreatment from this man, most of the time I think I was in shock that someone would treat me the way he did. The entire time we spent together I struggled with difficult life circumstances, and he prospered. More than I could even fathom. I honestly think this man thought he owned me, many times I questioned whether he was even aware that I was a human being with feelings and not just some object. I'm just grateful beyond words that he has to leave me alone. I'm not sure he's aware that the final order was issued today. It wouldn't surprise me if he thinks I let it drop. I'm still a little scared because I know he will be angry, I just hope he doesn't start thinking crazy. I sincerely hope that whoever he took to the hotel is enough to keep his mind off of me. I've never fallen so completely out of love with someone before. Seems there have been a lot of never before's with this guy. I just hope I am free to go on and enjoy my life, my son, my mother, my God......it's good to be free!
LadyHawke68 LadyHawke68 41-45, F 2 Responses May 9, 2012

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Sounds like you dodged a bullet here...thank goodness you got out with all your teeth...lol...I'm sorry this happened to you, I know how unnerving that can be...in my case I was involved with a really nice girl until she got drunk...then she became Satan's spawn...it's crazy how some people change after they think they have you where they want you...what I've realized at my age is that we are all free to do what ever we want as long as it's got my mates best interest at the fore front of my decisions....I've not always done this...when younger I was a very selfish man...now at this stage of my life I think I understand what real love is....it's not about me anymore...it's about US....<br />
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Good luck sweetie...much love Greg xxx

The key term in your story is "this man thought he owned me."<br />
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Abusers don't consider their victim's feelings, only their own; they tend to be very narcissistic in this respect.<br />
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I was fortunate in one respect, that being that I have a good grounding in basic psychology and so was able to retrosectively analyse our relationship and rationalise her actions and responses and identify the source of the problems as stemming from her childhood. By doing this I was able to use this perspective to come to terms with the abuse, to realise that it was she who has the problem and to stop blaming myself for all of the problems in our marriage.<br />
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I would advise you to seek out a counsellor who specialises in abusive relationships, to talk things through with them and learn to move on. As long as you are still living in fear, he is still controlling your life, just as my ex is attempting to do. <br />
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In my own case, the Family Court - which has a higher jurisdiction than the Magistrates Court from which she obtained her restraining order - has imposed variations in the terms of the restraining order that make it safer for me to go about my business in terms of visiting my children's school and attending their out-of-school activities. My ex has previously manufactured situations to make it appear that I had breached the terms of the orders and then called the Police to have me arrested and prosecuted for breach. She succeeded in doing this 3 times and if she were to be successful a 4th time I would have a MANDATORY 6 month jail term ahead of me.<br />
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I will close by saying that, although it is not easy and takes a good deal of inner strength, you need to move on, live your life as YOU want to live it and not ba<x>sed around avoiding him. If you live your life permanently in fear of him, he is still controlling you and he has won.<br />
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You are strong, you have escaped from him, you have done what you needed to in order to protect yourself, now you owe it to yourself to enjoy your life.

Thank you, very well written.