Help Me Please, I'm Going Insane

Here's my story. I was 19 at the time, when I met my first love and we've dated for 2 years. the guy I fell in love with pretty much chased me for a few months, I fell pretty hard. For a few months he was absolutely perfect, just perfect. After mayb 8 months or so, I started seeing his true colours, he got incredibly jealous, argued with me a lot without being reasonable, and always made me feel as if it was my fault. He was never there for me when I needed him most, and when he was its because he felt like he was obligated to because he was my boyfriend not that he wanted too. He got so bad that he has even chosen he friends over me at times, demeaning me with nasty words, always asking himself why is he with me. It even got physical, he has once choked me at school, after he saw me walk beside a male classmate, and has hit me here and there. We tend to break up alll the time, and get back because I'm constantly begging him back, I lost my dignity and self respect even at times found myself waiting at his house for an hour or more, waiting for him to come out. He so controlling and manipulative, making me feel worthless, nd as if I need him, he even checks my phone and won't let me hang out with men or one of my girlfriends. I love him so much, and I want to get out but I always relapse, and call him constant, begging, till he gives in. I am a pretty girl, and before I met him, I was so confident, outspoken, sociable, and was always out doing what young twenty year olds do. I'm 21 now, introverted, I lost 20 pounds because of me being so stressed out about this relationship, I have no one to go to cause my friends don't understand and r just constantly annoyed. I will love him unconditionally, I know its not normal, but through out this whole process I really did believe it was, I need help.
ssaammxo ssaammxo
18-21
2 Responses May 25, 2012

dear ssaamxo, <br />
no one can make up ur mind 4 u or tell u what choices you should make. they can only give u advice and then the rest is up to u. so heres my advice to u, <br />
abuse is never love, if a man places his hand on u then he dont love. <br />
i know u said u love this man n i dont doubt that one bit but is it the kind of love u want in ur life? will it help u to grow n be a better person? do u see ur self with this man for the rest of ur life, having children in that type of relationship? there are so many girls in this world who have lost their lives from physical abuse, who might have wish they had the strength and courage to walk away. if u can see all these bad qualities in this man, how can u love him? maybe the problem lies with u...u know he is bad for u n ur not happy but u still go back with him not that he forces u to stay with him or threatens u if u leave him. u have to find it within u to leave this man, to focus on u and on building ur self esteem. if u respect urself n stand up for urself then u might just find the courage to leave. may i suggest u see a therapist, pastor or a seminar that can help u.

this is abusive, been there and like you i made excusses and put up with a lot. get out before you have a child, this is usualy the next step. he is controling and manipulating you. get help. there are many organizations that will help you, you are worth so much and don't deserve this. when i left my sons father, i was lost and did not even know who i was. it has been 5 years and i am about to graduate with a Bachelors of science in psychology. i would not be where i am now if i would have stayed!! GET OUT