Something I Needed To Get Off My Chest, Nobody's Ever Heard The Whole Story.

I was 16 when I met him, he was 18.We dated for 3 years and for the first couple of months I thought everything was perfect. After he joined the military though and left for his basic training i'd get phone calls of him telling me how he almost, almost, took a girl home from the bar. Oh but he didnt. was his excuse. He'd ask me if it was okay if he actually could, of course it wasn't. I'd get phone calls of him waking up hungover in a random hotel room.. He always told me nothing happened so I believed him. After the first year I moved to where he was posted to start university and I guess that was when the verbal abuse started. I didn't notice it so much at first, well, of course i noticed it i just didn't register it as wrong. It took a long time for me to understand the way he talked to me and treated me was wrong. Constantly being called a lazy sack of ****, a *****, a ****, anything. I was barely passing school and was completely miserable and crying all the time. The next year we moved in together, he told me it was that or i'd see him when i'd see him. Although I was in school fulltime and working nights he told me he expected laundry to be done, cleaning to be done and dinner on the table. Dates were out of the question because asking to go to a movie or dinner sometimes was me being high mantenience. The name calling was more consistant and I cried myself to sleep almost every night. We were 'play' fighting one night and he started wailing on my stomach so i ran downstairs to the bedroom and locked the door. He started pounding on it and after I opened it he yelled and told me if i ever did something like that again.. well.. i wouldn't want to know. Between the drinking and me finding random dating profiles that he was making (on my computer) I was finally getting the courage to leave. A couple weeks later he slept through his alarm for work and it became my fault. I should have been up at 6 to wake him up and he came at me with his fist in the air, he stopped himself but i have never been so scared in my life. I knew then that I wouldn't let myself become a victim of an physically abusive relationship so once I had complete courage I told my childhood best friend that lived 3 hours away everything and moved out. Months later I met my current boyfriend not intending to start dating so soon but we did. It's still hard for me to comprehend that when my current boyfriend gets mad he's not going to hurt me, i'm always scared even though he wouldn't hurt a fly and knows everything i've been through. Learning that I don't have to walk on eggshells anymore is one of the most difficult parts, the other is seeing the ex. I had a flight back home for christmas and of course he was on it, one seat behind and across. I was scared the whole time. When the ex found out about my current boyfriend and I dating he told me he would kill him. I just wish I could stop being scared and stop looking over my shoulder every time I go out just in case he's there. And for the nightmares to stop.
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 10, 2013