My Own Personal Hell

We only dated for 5 months, but those 5 months were my own personal hell. When we first met back in June, he was sweet and nice to me. Didn't pursue me, waited for me to be ready. By the time we started dating end of July I thought I was so lucky. I had a SGT in the USMC, he had his own place, his **** together and he was great to me. I thought I had it all...turns out he's a great actor. Slowly for the first month, the insults started, he convinced me to quit my job, he met my parents and thought he had them wrapped around his finger. After that it got worse, fast. He started insulting me in public and making me feel worthless. We had gotten a dog together and he treated me so horribly the dog realized it didn't need to listen to me, and I was the one at home all day with her. We had to give her back after less than a month of having her because she wouldn't listen to me. A little past a month into the relationship I went thru his phone cause I had a feeling he was cheating and I found naked pictures of other women. He claimed he had them there to see if I would look and that I broke his trust. He had me feeling so bad that I caught him cheating that I was the one apologizing, not him. Then shortly after that he had his "friend" from VA come visit and the whole time she was there he ignored me and treated me like ****. He took her out on a family day with our friends kids who lived with us and left me behind. Our friend even asked why I didn't go and when I told her he said it was a family day she said I should have gone not her. And our friend was friends with the girl. He skipped work one day and took her to disneyland and then went drinking with her at our friends house. Before I was able to arrive he had kissed her and when I got there our friend told me. I confronted him about it and he denied it and it provoked a huge fight. He ended up taking her to the bar leaving me there. I eventually followed after I called and she told me if I break his heart she will kick my ***. I laughed in her face and told her to bring it. He ended up dropping her off at her hotel for the last night (all other nights she was with us) and didn't arrive for hours. He claimed they went to a party but I believe to this day he slept with her. The next day he admitted he had kissed her and apologized and when I was mad he got defensive saying it was just a kiss, its not like he cheated. To this day he doesn't view that as cheating. The whole time we dated he texted other women and hid his texts from me. He also talked to his ex a lot because of her kids. He took ownership of her son even tho he is not biologically his because "he wanted a son so bad". She got pregnant cheating on him and he still took in her son as his and he treats her daughter as her own. Its a sick relationship that he can't let go of and talks to her like they're best friends but claims to hate her. He would tell me to be quiet while on the phone with her and wouldn't allow me to be seen on Skype. She had no idea he was dating anyone till we had been dating for 3 months. Mind you we lived together the whole time we dated. He would Skype other women and use headphones to listen to them and would type his side of the conversation and never wanted me to be in the room or talk. I read one of the conversations and when I came on screen she asked who I was and he claimed I was someone who helped out with his son every once in a while (we had his son at this point). He claimed that was an old conversation but skype tells you the days. I got really attached to his son and after just a month with me he started calling me mom when he wasn't around. When we took his son back to NJ I met his family and got pretty close to them but when we got home things just got worse for me. The insults got worse and it was a complete nightmare for me. He always complained I followed him around and we did everything together. By this point he had convinced me to quit my job, sell my car and had almost completely isolated me because he didnt want me talking to people about us knowing that would keep me from talking to almost anyone. When friends came over I acted like the perfect hostess as to avoid being told how impotent and stupid I am but he still did it anyways. I had told him I loved him and he told me that he didnt feel the same. When out at the bar one night our friends asked us if we had said I love you and he said, "Oh we don't love each other. Do we Rachel?" I admitted that I had said I love you after 4 months. It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. This man terrorized me and humiliated me constantly and he did it knowing I wouldn't leave. I finally left him right before christmas when I went thru his phone again and found more naked pictures of other women and he had texted a picture that was just for me to the girl he cheated on me with before. I sent him off to work and called my friend who helped me pack my stuff and I was gone before he got off work. But don't think it stopped there, cause it only got worse. He had me apologizing for leaving him but I refused to go back. He dropped me off at the airport the next morning as I was moving back home. After that he continued to make me feel bad. He then apologized and promised me he would get help and change and we wanted to try to work it out. But he still was psychotic and would flip out on me at random only to say I can't expect him to change till he gets home and gets help. He had me apologizing for his flip outs. But every little thing I did he was so ready to walk and made me feel so horrible about everything. He full well knew I am Bipolar but he refused to let me take meds because he felt that was a fake me. So when I got to my parents I got back on them and he expected me to be perfect and obedient, but I was bipolar off meds, I was bound to snap. By the time I had left him he owed me over 13K and the internet and cable was in my name. After a month of being broken up I've accepted the fact I won't see a dime so I've canceled the internet and am transfering the cable when I go down with my dad to pick up the stuff I left behind. After that he is gone from my life for good. If I have to change my number I will. But now the hard part starts, the healing process. I've gotta stop being so mad at myself and learn how to move on. I've never gone thru something like this so I have no idea where to start.
zoeystar zoeystar
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 14, 2013

I think you did the wise thing. Better late than never.
Be a little more pragmatic before you give your heart away in future.
You definitely deserve better. Lots better