I Was Abused Emotionally and Sexually By My Ex.

I felt like I was completely in love with this guy. Everything was perfect at first. We were together for 5 great months. He was my first. I loved him. Then it all started the day i went outside to talk to some old friends from school. There were 2 other guys out side. When i came in he started acting weird. I tried to ignore everything he was saying, but it just made it worse. He kept saying that i was trying to "hook up with someone else", that i had called them over. We started arguing. He grabbed me by my kneck and grabbed me up too where my feet wernt touching the floor. He was screaming at me, I felt like i was going too faint. Then he let me go and i fell to the floor. He got over top of me and was still choking me. then he stopped and kept saying sorry. He started treating me like royalty for like a week. I thought maybe he just over reacted and it wouldnt happen again.But it did. The next time i was pretty much living with him. I was in school and he wasnt. I had got up a little early because it was a picture day and i wanted to do my hair and make-up. He woke up and came into the bathroom. When he had seen me doing my make-up he insisted that i was trying to impress somebody else. We argued and i kept doing my make up. He shoved my head into the bathroom mirror. There was glass stuck in my face and i was bleeding. I was crying and he kept calling me a little baby. I tried to get my books and walk out and he grabbed me by my hair and pulled me down. We wrestled for about 5 minutes, i got up and he punched me in the face and pushed me onto the couch. His mom got up and made him get off me. I got cleaned up, but it was so bad that i didnt even go to school. That day on i never wore make-up and always put my hair up. That wasnt it. For abbout 2 months i went to school with black eyes, and bruises everywhere. I told everyone diffrent excuses everytime. All my friends told me they knew what was going on, but i didnt listen, i loved him. Everyday he made me feel like it was my fault. Then I started realizing that he was cheating on me. I caught him all the time. And when i would point it out he would laugh and i would get hit. One time he broke a coffee cup over the back of my head for trying too leave. Another time he had literally threatened me with a baseball bat. He put a huge hole in the wall and said it was my fault that he was acting that way. Deep inside i knew i should have left him sooner, but i was so scared.   About another month later i found out i was pregnant. I knew it was his. I didnt want too tell him that i was pregnant, i dont know why i didnt, but i had planned on leaving and running away. I was about 5 months pregnant when i actually started showing. And he realized it. He started screaming and saying that i cheated on him. It was my fault but he just kept hitting me. And I was in so much pain. I knew i was going too loose my baby so i tried fighting back. He threw me from wall to wall and kicked me and hit me some more. When he finally stopped it was because his mom came home. He had broken my nose and my lips were all bloody. From trying too craw away my knees were all scrapped up. My pants and shirt was ripped and he had broke one of my arms. When his mom took me to the hospitol they told me that i might not make it if i try to give birth, but the baby had a chance. So i took that chance. I ended up loosing my little boy about 2 hours after i gave birth. I broke up with him, but he didnt want that to happen i guess. because he was bringing me flowers everyday and writing me love notes. So i fell for it again. I went back to him. He didnt hit me for a long time. Then i just didnt want him anymore, so i left one day while he was at work. I moved in with my uncle. When i moved back into my moms i stayed hidden for a while, but then somehow he knew i was home. It was summer time and my window was open and i was sleeping. Somehow i didnt hear him come in and i woke up too him sitting next too me, just starring at me. He put his hand over me, and began to touch me. He had this grin on his face that scared me. I was crying and trying too yell for my mom. He told me that he would make it hurt worse if i didnt quit. I tried to get him away from me, but he was too strong. He raped me that night. And i never told. I never let anyone know what was happening.   I was able to move on. But he wasnt. I had told my boyfriend about him, and he was there for me. One day i had too stay at my moms and my boyfriend and his friends told me too call if i needed them. I had put there number as re-dial in my phone. Again i woke up and he was in my room looking through my pictures and seen my boyfriend and me. He just was calm and started talking, so i just thought maybe he was okay now. It had been a few months i was sure. So i calmly talked back to him. I should have called my boyfriend, dumb mistake not too. Because about ten minutes later he tried to come toward the bed. I tried to stand up and run to my moms room, but he pulled me down. I tried to care-fully grab my phone so he couldnt see, but he heard the button. He grabbed it and threw it. That night i got beat so bad that i couldnt see the next morning. I couldnt understand how my parents didnt hear it. I told my mom the next morning everything. And my boyfriend ended up fighting him. Im glad that i got out of that relationship. Its about a year later and im happy. I still get scared sometimes, and i never walk by myself. When im sleeping at my moms i lock everything before i go too bed. I always look over my shoulders and hope he doesnt find me. Some things were my fault, like staying with him, even when he took my childs life. Something that could have changed me, changed everything. I look back and see how dumb i was too stay in-volved. but i now know too never let it happen agian. my advice too everyone out there, its not worth it. Dont EVER let somebody make you feel like its all your fault. And the most advice of all. Get out as soon as you can.

KristinaMarie KristinaMarie
3 Responses Mar 2, 2009

I'm speachless after reading this story, I'm way too late with my comment, but it broke my heart to imagine all the pain you were going through, <br />
I hope you are doing fine now, one day he will pay for all what he 's done

Bless your heart! No, you are not wrong for believing in the good in people and thinking someone will change and forgiving someone who has wronged you repeatedly. That is what I hear in your story. You are also a person, like him, deserving of love and kindness and forgiveness. Go forward and focus on what you need to do each day. Have a wonderful day and God bless you. Sincerely-Renea

this is just so sad and i hate hearing problems like this. i wish you the best of luck and i will pray for you. just remember to love yourself no matter what.