Why Me??????

one day i met a guy who seemed nice and i fell in love with him

i thought he loved me until he started being emotionally and physically abusive towards me

he did alot to hurt me so now my self essteem is kinda messed up and i have trust issues

unbroken unbroken
18-21
1 Response Mar 4, 2009

I feel for you, i was there. I started dating a guy who became emotinally abusive i recognized it pretty early after 3 months i knew even though i did not see him every day. He turned out to be affected by borderline personality disorder, as a teenager he was described as having conduct disorder. He tried to hide from me he had a drinking problem as well. I made the biggest mistake in my life going on a holiday with him to see his family, since they live in another state. I failed to mention i have 2 kids one, who is 5 a daughter and one who is 18 a son. My son did not really like him even though he only met him a couple of times. My daughter liked him more, he would buy her stuff. I left my daughter with my mum and my son stayed with his dad. It all started over there, he would humiliate me, belittle me, put me down, he even attacked someone. I being a strong person said that's it when we get back to meaning where i live. We go our separate ways. The things he said and did was shocking. I have a degree in mental health, i even worked with victims of domestic abuse and violence. I left him and never looked back, he had managed to turn me from being an happy, confident, caring person into an emotional wreck within a week and a half.<br />
He said he was only using me for sex, he tried to force sex on me when i refused after he belittled me. He literally grabbed me and attacked me. He was stronger than me but i managed to get him off. Only a few people know this. When i was a teenager i was victim to rape and violence by a serial rapist. That i think made me retaliate with force now. I got him off and ran.<br />
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The warning signs were there and i had addressed a couple of things with him before. I should have followed my own instincts. Guys who are overwhelmingly needy and seen attentive to all your needs. Basically to good to be true. Yes they are, he make me walk on eggshells. I did not know his history, he was abused as a child by his father. He had become the monster that abused him.<br />
I put my children first always have, that is what gives me strength, and they deserve nothing but the best, and honestly i could not live with someone like that. I understand he is not well, but that is no excuse for what he did. Sexual assault is a criminal offense. <br />
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My advice to you is to move forward never look back, learn to love and value yourself, because you deserve the best. Be your best friend. When you feel all alone, do not give up hope, i have a hard time trusting now too. I understand how you feel. I trust my ability to do everything else in life. A lot of times i think the worst is we hate ourselves for allowing it to happen, or if we could prevent it, its the self blame that brings you down, when in reality its not our fault. This guy i knew went into a rage for no reason, his reason is when you do not do what he wants or when you confront an issue with him.<br />
He is irrational and unpredictable. Time will heal old wounds and things will get better,try meditation i recommend it. Do things that make you feel good about you and surround yourself with family and friends. Maybe take up a new hobby it all helps. The people who commit these acts have serious issues they need to deal with. I learned from family love is kind, and my grandmother<br />
always use to say violence breeds violence.