My Car Accident Ruined My Life . =/I'm nineteen years old and a freshman in college. My Junior year of high-school on March 24th I was involved in my first car accident. Even though it's been almost two years I relive this accident as if it happened just last week. My grandparents purchased my car and surprised me on Christmas Day. They bought me a black ford focus. I was sooooooooo happy that I cried. It was funny because Christmas Day it snowed and they tried to hide my car behind the neighbor's house and it got stuck in the snow. I didn't even care I was so excited that I sat in it for a little bit, even though I couldn't drive it until the snow melted. . So anyways on March 24th I needed to take a quick trip to Walmart in order to get a few things for the Poconos. My Junior class trip was the very next day and I was so excited !! I packed and me and my mom-mom(my grandma) hopped in my car and rode off. Everything was perfect the trip was smooth. I get to the intersection and I have the green light so of course I pull up and wait to turn left into the Walmart. There is tons of traffic and it's busy around this type of day so I was patient. When I view only one car coming down the opposite side of the highway I KNOW I have enough time to turn so I make my turn. I don't know whether the old lady in the car coming didn't see me, didn't pay attention, looked down or what exactly she was doing but all the sudden she slams into my back passenger door at approx 60 65 mph. The speed limit was 50 but I know she had to go well over that with the damage she had done. I know for a fact it wasn't my fault because I was half way in the Walmart, and everyone at the intersection clearly saw that she didn't break, slow down or anything. As if her hitting my BACK door wasn't enough proof the police still blamed it on me for turning into oncoming traffic. My car slid across the intersection from the impact and I couldn't see anything nor did I register the damage until it actually stopped sliding. I looked over at my mom mom who now has her eyes closed and cant talk as I scream and cry are you ok? She groaned in pain and I climb out my driver door with my cellphone screaming for help as people sitting at the light get out and run over. I wasn't thinking straight so I tried to open the drivers door but God must of known that wasn't met for me to do so it wouldn't open. I passed out on the grass as a whole bunch of ambulances and cops start to surround the scene. The worst part was the lady backed her car up and pulls over to the side and watched me and my mom mom without coming to see if we are okay. I saw her just get out her car and stare the whole time no apology came from her mouth and she didn't care enough to see what she had done. My back windows came out, she nearly missed my gas tank and the impact caused my whole front windshield to shatter. My pop finally arrived and I rode in the car feeling hopeless and nauseous having no clue if my mom mom was ok. I get to the hospital and I'm crying but they check me out to make sure I am okay. Luckily I had not even a scratch. I walked across the hospital floor into the next room slowly not knowing what to expect. When I get into the room my mom mom is laid on a stretcher flat. Her neck is snapped in three places they have a neck brace on her, her tooth came out from the impact, her sternum cracked, her spleen burst and her hands and mouth were bleeding. I immediately started screaming how sorry I was and fell on the floor as the doctors had to drag me out of the room. As if this wasn't enough the damage was so bad they had to fly her to a hospital in Camden because of the trauma and to stop the bleeding in her spleen. My pop drove me home past the Walmart I just had an accident in and I just felt like throwing up. I smelt the metal the whole ride and I literally just felt sick. I got home started getting headaches and the next day I was so sore I could barely walk. I missed my class trip as well. While everyone was having fun here I am worrying to death that my mom mom might die. I went back to school three days later and I don't know how I managed to keep my grades up. I was riding with my pop pop everyday to Camden to see my mom and make sure she was stable. She had the neck brace on for 6 months stayed in the hospital for 1 month and once she came home seeing her in a neck brace for 6 months killed me. Even though the accident wasn't my fault I felt guilty because I would never wish anything bad or want to see anything happen to the woman who raised me. I blame myself still. Two years later they purchased me a Honda Accord a few months ago. I only drive when I have to. Even though my pop let me drive his car with him to help me try and get over the fear even before I got a new car I dealt with the issue of fear. My mom mom thought it would be better by now being that shes now completely healthy and I'm healthy but it isn't. When I get to intersections I get shaky, if there's too much traffic I get shaky, I get headaches, I have nightmares of tractor trailers smashing me in my new car and killing me or a large car hitting me, I won't ride with friends IF I DO it has to be a close distance, I only trust my pop pop and it's ruining my social life. As I see all my friends even some friends a year younger than me getting their license and driving to the beach and the mall I'm sitting in the house staring out the window bored because I wont go alone. I don't want to die from another accident but this is what I have set in my mind. Especially being that it's March brings back flashbacks and my pop-pop often has to ride with me stopping me from really going out with friends and having some fun. I just want my life back. I know I've read some tragic stories on here where people have killed people driving, lost their vision, lost their movement. I thank God everyday that he spared me my limbs and my mom mom's life. They said one centimeter closer to the passengers door it would've killed or paralyzed her. I just cant imagine my life without her or anyone. I don't like anyone to ride in my car if I get hurt again in my life I wanna get hurt alone ='( and I mean that. I'm crying writing this. My mom finally called a therapist and I hope that the person will understand me and help me get these thoughts out of my head. . I don't know what else to do. I feel rushed to get back on the road alone because some of my friends tease me sometimes and say haha you have a new car but you wont even drive it or your car barely moves and all of this. It really hurts but in all honesty I just suck it up I never say anything. My friends will ask me do you even drive? YES I DO ! when I feel like it when I feel comfortable I want to scream you have no idea how much Id love to drive again just stfu. I'm holding so much inside. since everyone on here has had a horrible experience like mine or even worse please give me encouragement and tell me how can I go on? I won't even drive to the Walmart I havent been there by myself in two years and I never will. !!!!
Sincerely, Hurt & Tired . .