I Went Through Hell

 I hesitate to write this experience because I get judged harshly by people who have no idea what my nightmare was like.  Maybe,I was too naive.  I was only 24 years old and had never used the internet before.  I wanted to meet friends and talk to people who had similiar interests as mine.  Unfortunately, I got caught up into someone's idea of a game, and To this day, It still hurts.  So,I am writing this down in hopes it will help others along the way.

  As I mentioned before, I was 24 years old before I started going into chat rooms and being on the internet.  I joined a fan club of a celebrity whose talent I admired greatly ,and I wanted to talk to people of that fan club who had the same interests as mine.  I remember I was so "green" going into their chat room that I actually used my real name as my screen name.  In the beginning, Everything was great. I had made friends and had felt at home among the people there.  Sadly, That didn't last. 

  I'm sure that at some point in time, people who go online have faced someone who claimed that they were someone famous.  Try falling in love with someone because you felt a connection to them and THEN have them claim they are the celebrity you have admired all your life.  It would be one thing if this person had made claims and that was it. I would naturally be leary of such a person.  People say all types of outlandish things on the internet.  No.. This person gave me money, gifts, autographs ect... They took pictures with a web cam and gave it to me, and They looked like the celebrity. They sound like the famous person on the phone.  In other words, This person went all out to try to prove their claim that they were this celebrity to me and told me that they were in love with me.  As for me, I was already deeply infatuated with them because they seemed to be so caring and wise, and I felt a bond with them.  So, Although I had reservations about it, I followed my heart anyway and went head first into a relationship that would last for three years.

In the beginning of that relationship, They were charming, kind, wise, funny.. and to me, brilliant.  I loved them deeply for how they made me feel and for the joy they brought in my life.  However, As time went on, They became more controlling over me and verbally abusive.  Also, After the first year of that relationship, I wanted to meet them and be a part of their lives. This person didn't want reality with me and a family. He didn't want to even meet me.  I remember that if I didn't do as he asked me to do, He would throw it back in my face that there were tons of women who would do whatever he wanted when he wanted to do it. 

I knew he was keeping secrets from me and having cyberaffairs with other women by the end of the relationship,but He kept denying it. I'd get so angry at him that I would lash out, and He blamed me for everything that went wrong in the relationship.  *Shaking my head*   It got so crazy at the end that I knew it was over because I couldn't do what he was asking me to do.. and that was to pretend to be someone I wasn't just to please him.  

If going through all this isn't painful enough, The next part of this broke my heart in two.  He lied to all my friends about me, and They believed him over me and still believe him to be the celebrity he claims to be..  To this day, I have people out there who believe I betrayed the trust of this celebrity and was only a gold digger looking for money from him.  The most painful was the loss of my best friend online, who I actually met in real life, because she chose him over me.  

 

To this day, I still have no clue who the person was.  I may never find out the complete truth because nobody ever wants to talk about it. All they want to do is judge me for it and call me stupid for even allowing this person into my life.   Now that I'm 34, I see their point.  

So.. My advice to people out there is Never lose yourself and lower your own self worth to people who aren't worthy of you in the first place.  

Oh yeah.. and If the person you are in love with online starts claiming to be a celebrity .. Do yourself a favor and Just run. lol 

 

 

Wizpurr Wizpurr
31-35, F
1 Response Feb 18, 2009

very good advice^^ im glad to hear that you never changed yourself to please him, unfortunatley i did when i was in a similiar "relationship". i wanted him to like me, and nothing i ever did was good enough. no matter how hard i tried, it wasnt enough. well he never claimed to be a celebrity, that is a major red flag, but its difficult to see those when you are in love.