And He Taught Me Well

I am not a manipulative person whatsoever, I don't believe in emotional head games or tweaking a situation for a gain.  
For the most part I am very open and honest when it comes to handling situations.  But there is one time I did use manipulation in full force.
And it was an instinctual survival tactic to get out of a situation safely.  

Being married to an emotionally selfish manipulator taught me very well how to use those lessons to find my way out.
He taught me the words he wanted to hear, the emotions he wanted to see or not see, he taught me how to perform to his standards.
And the last time we had a real conversation, the night I left I used everything he taught me to find my way out.  

I remember entering the womens shelter filled with guilt over being so sneaky and lying to him and telling the intake worker my story and as she sat there and listened to my story while shaking from the emotion of it.  She hardly interrupted, just asked a few leading questions to help me continue with the story.  When I finished she told me how impressed she was with how well I handled everything and that I was a true example to follow on how to do everything right.   I remember how shocked I was as she explained that in abusive situations you do what you have to do to get out and be safe.

It was the first time someone referenced my marriage as abusive and it hit me hard, really really hard as I realized just how scared I really was.  
But I soon realized how right she really was in everything she said.  She became my mentor while in their, a true guiding light through one of the toughest times in my life.  

He manipulated my heart, my emotions, me out of my home, and right on out of his life because he taught me well. 
snowberry75 snowberry75
36-40, F
4 Responses Oct 13, 2011

I am sorry you had to go through with that I was in a mental abusive marriage, and never thought i can handle leaving bc of the hurt from it bc i tought i loved him but once i got on my own and got over it i thought to myself how in the world did i stay that long then i realize it was not love and knew then i can do things on my own and now i am remarried and really know what real love is

When you first met your ex were there signs of his abusive nature, if not, do you think you ignored his negative qualities? I got told that when people first meet they do say what they are like but we chose to ignore it. Looking back on my past abusive ex's it is true for me! I hope he wasn't violent to you because that is just nasty. I have problems with my spine and use a wheelchair and one of my ex's actually hit me on my spine which was so painful, I was a mess for months! All because I refuse to play games! I really do believe in respect for all life and run away as fast as I can from manipulative people. I often wonder how a stone like heart can experience love which means their lives must be so shallow because a heart without love is the most loneliest and coldest of all existences and I feel sorry for them. Good luck to you all.

There are always warning signs that often get blinded by what is called the honeymoon stage. And in emotionally abusive relationships often times its so gradual you dont realize until its too late. He wasnt physically violent directly to me but around me. It has the same affect after awhile, you see someone throw things and you cant help but wonder if your next. Fear is a huge manipulative tool caused by deep rooted insecurity. That if allowed can overcome any good heart. Its not that they are that cold or empty hearted its that they are that self centred and filled with insecurity.

You know what? You did the right thing at that moment, I think we were both involved with the same type of guy your words sound so familiar but manipulating and head/emotional games I hate them. The first thing that comes to my mind is: if somebody is supposed to love you why do they treat you like that. The problem is after being in an abusive relationship for a long time is hard to trust a man again, not all man are the same but the scars are deep enough is not something easy to get over it

So, so, so very true my friend. It really takes a beating on the way you interpret others and learning to trust others again. It comes down to really evaluating your own situation with an outsiders viewpoint and be able to pinpoint those red flags and learning when to recognize them in others before you get caught up in it again. Heres an interesting stat for you: new relationships started within a year of leaving an abusive relationship have a higher risk of becoming abusive as well. The womens shelter warns you against finding a relationship to soon afterwards because you are still in the frame of mind of a victim. It takes time to heal, learn and overcome that. You are at your weakest during recovery. And yes it takes time to let go and overcome it.

My wifes EX was such a control freak, <br />
He tried to manipute me.<br />
Wife and myself were talking about that last night.<br />
<br />

Manipulation has a way of making you suspicious of every word or action, the issue with that is learning the difference between a manipulator and someone who is truly honest.