I was married to a sociopath in 2010. We stayed together for 3 years. It was the most miserable time of my life. I successfully divorced her (yes a female socio) this year. The last time I saw her was at our court date and she did an unbelievable number to my head. After realizing what I was dealing with, I did a lot of reading. A lot of research. I came to understand what she is. She idolized/valued me, devalued me, and discarded me.

I'm alone now, without her, and doing much better. She left my life in shambles, in an empty house, with bills that are too much. But the lack of misery, walking on eggshells, and absolute loneliness is just great.

I could tell oh so many stories from just this 3-4 yr miserable experience... She stole 10,000s of $$ from me. Free loaded (and her two adult free loader children), psychologically tortured me, gaslighting, etc., lied to, cheated on, etc. Even after trying to attempt suicide I still didn't get it. Only when she realized that the veil had been removed, that I was on to her and she moved out, did I get it-- the marriage (which was a farce) was over.

If you dread going home, walk on eggshells, sleep in different rooms, can't talk about simple things, feel like you are not 50/50 in a relationship, like you don't know what the truth is, or what reality is, TAKE HEED!!! Get help, get out, and live a better life!!
drwho4 drwho4
46-50, M
3 Responses Aug 21, 2014

This is a great post. I empathize with you. I am married to one and going through a divorce with mutual restraining orders, nice and fancy, because nothing is ever simple with a female sociopath, other than the guarantee of her lying. To your post: "But the lack of misery, walking on eggshells, and absolute loneliness is just great." I've been very, very lonely as a result of our separation, but to see you appreciate yours makes me appreciate mine a little more. Thank you. I forgot all about the misery and walking on eggshells, feeling on edge and too vigilant is how I would describe it. Did everything I could to make her happy but every time the "happiness" faded so quickly, like an ember that glows for a moment then fades out in a second or two. Then I'd have to try to spark another ember and get that going again. It was exhaustive, tortuous work. That is partly what I remember from trying to make her happy. I thought she had ADHD or ADD, and still could be, but it doesn't really matter. It's great that you have the house and she was not sophisticated enough to go after it, or you protected yourself well enough, good work!I'm a mid forties, male, a late bloomer, a former empath, too nice for his own good, an easy target for a sociopath woman on the move, and that's what I was. I was the mine and she was the miner. We were married for 11 months, thankfully. She was not a manicurist as she claimed throughout our marriage but an illicit massage therapist and became a private apartment prostitute. I found evidence of everything and experienced all manners of concealment of her work and offsite prostitution activities. The catastrophic realization was horrific. After I moved out I woke up with horrific images in my mind of her and other men, they came to me from the depths of the dark recesses of my mind and heart where the dark thoughts reside and are usually not allowed to surface. Unfortunately the traumatic experience seemed to release the thoughts to come to mind and traumatize me. I now understand what PTSD is and what the sufferers have to endure. It is something that tries to break your soul, it tries to kill your human spirit, but I said go f yourself, you're not going to bring me down, even as they tormented me for weeks every morning. I would just pray to myself and knew that they would subside, and they were just thoughts, horrific as they were. I have not been to a doctor because most don't take insurance and I cannot afford it, I have been ordered to continue to pay both our health insurance premiums, her car insurance, and her car payments out of pocket, and I lost my job when she called the police after she injured herself imprisoning me. She physically assaulted, physically, psychologically, mentally, and emotionally abused me. She imprisoned me in the bedroom and called someone to come over to force me to give her what she wanted. It was a threat to my safety. She hurt herself trying to tackle me on the way out and the police, judge, (all males of course) swallowed it hook, line, and sinker, and her petite stature and innocent appearance coupled with a highly formidable pathological personality made it easy for her to navigate the system even though she had no clue what she was doing. I am better now, thanks in part to websites such as this one and people such as you and everyone else who posts helpful things on here. The stories and things shared here are invaluable. They would be the sustenance of male domestic violence support groups. They are almost non-existent in the US. Incredibly the US is unsympathetic to male survivors of domestic abuse, and in fact hostile to male victims out of the hatred of the group of opposite men who have made the impression that all men have the capacity to abuse their wives/gf's, and whenever in doubt, it is the male who is the abuser unless proven otherwise, which is one of the last great bigotries and discriminations to be alive and well in this "free" democratic country, the "leader" of the free world. "40% of domestic violence victims are men", Dr. Tara Palmatier.I still succumb to some PTSD, going through some depression, grief that I lost my "sweetheart", but those will all go away. I've read and continue to reread The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout, PhD, and several other resources, which gives me some comfort and healing, and insight on this condition of this group of people, because it can truly be called a condition. These sociopaths, they are like programmed robots, they will always follow the same old tired, unoriginal, past beaten dead horse to a mulch roadkill on the ground playbook, which you already know and is well documented. Funny how the court system, law enforcement, and family law attorneys are overwhelmingly clueless and ignorant to this well documented and researched condition. The pity play, blamespeak, acting the victim giving even Robert DeNiro a run for his money, covering their attacks as prime directive, DARVO (Deny, then Attack, force Reverse Victim and Offender), deploy all manners of falsehood, lying, deception to back up behaviors since the ends always justifies the means for the sick sociopath mind. Kind and gentle men, good men, be aware and alert, the female sociopath as many will validate here, is a particularly harmful, vicious, detestable, and disturbed kind! Do your research! If you still "love" them as I did, recall the hurtful or harmful instances, then ask yourself, would a normal, loving woman do that to you? Would a person who claims they "love" you do that to their "loved" ones? See them for who they are - disturbed and unbalanced persons who are the 4% of our population which we can neither "help" nor "change" nor would you want to. Then initiate the plan to get the hell out, if you value your life, your being, your soul. I am making that painful choice. I believe in the future there will be more legal protection against the emotional and psychological abuse and other things this group of people do.Congrats on divorcing!This was exactly what I was experiencing: "If you dread going home, walk on eggshells, sleep in different rooms, can't talk about simple things, feel like you are not 50/50 in a relationship, like you don't know what the truth is, or what reality is, TAKE HEED!!! Get help, get out, and live a better life!! "I hope others will listen to your words also!!!

I'm in the same boat, what a nightmare! After 7 years all of the pieces show the picture of the true monster, and it is the ugliest thing I have ever seen. I'm just wondering how long it will take for her to move on to her next victim and leave me and the 2 kids alone.

I understand. I was married to a sociopath for 5 years. It was terrible, and I'm way over it, married to another man now, but just now blogging about it. I wish you well! Glad you got away. I think we need to keep posting about these kinds of things to help people who might be in the same situation understand that they can break free, and there are others who have been through this, and got out! Peace and Love!