Help I'm Married to a Sociopath and Don't Know What to Do
I am not a sociopath but I believe my husband is. I am in the process of getting divorced and I am also pregnant with his child. He has been abusive physically, emotionally and verbally which is why I am divorcing him. He is great at manipulating people and he always plays the victim. He has custody of his other 2 daughters and I am afraid for them. He treats them horribly and I can never prove any of this because its all emotional and they are too afraid to speak up. He lies really well and I am afraid he is going to get away with it in court. He has before. He has fooled all his friends (because he doesn't let them close enough), councilors, and even judges. He suckered me into marrying him and I believe it was so it looked better when he was fighting for custody of his daughters. The following is something I posted on another site in May.
I'll tell you my story from the beginning. I got together with my husband in July of 08 and married him the following September. I had known him 10yrs before and thought I wasn't rushing into it. About a month after we got married his anger started to show more and more. It started with is daughters (always yelling and swearing at them) and then constant arguments with me over stupid things like if I said something or not or if he said something or not. Sometimes I say something and don't remember saying it but I know its not as much as he claims. That put me into a depression that lasted for the entire winter. In November one of our arguments turned physical (pushing and shoving and a few times he put his arms around my neck and I couldn't breath), I left and went to my mothers. A few days later he convinced me to come home and that it wasn't going to happen again. Things were OK for about 2 wks then the anger started to flare up again. In January it happened again only this time it was much worse. We had an argument and he told me to leave so I went to leave and as I was stepping out the door he grabbed my coat and through it on the floor, I put my foot in the door to stop him from shutting it (he claims I hit him with the door) and pushed my way back in. As I was reaching for my coat he grabbed it again and through it in the bedroom. I went to get it and he shut the bedroom door behind me and held it shut. I went for the window (I should have locked the door) and tried to climb out. He heard me and came in, grabbed the back of my collar and through me on the bed. We wrestled around (I was trying to get away), several times I was face down on the bed with my head being shoved into the mattress, and several more times I had a pillow shoved in my face. I couldn't breath and became scared for my life. Finally I broke away and ran, I called a friend to pick me up and take me to my moms. This time I filed a restraining order. But yet again he convinces me to come back blaming both physical outbursts on chantix and I dropped the restraining order. Things are fine for 2 wks again. Most of the things that would make him upset were things I wasn't doing because I was depressed. Hes always telling me I just don't want the responsibility. We got into another argument at the end of February which didn't turn extremely physical. He told me to leave so I started gathering my stuff while he kept ripping things out of my hand and telling me I have to just leave because I'm not on the lease so therefor I was trespassing (the cops told me otherwise. That didn't apply cause we are married). He had pushed me down on the couch trying to get something out of my hand and I had to struggle with him to get up. He then called the cops on me saying I hit him repeatedly. By the time the cops show up my sister was there and all my stuff was out. They asked me a bunch of questions, if he assaulted me, I said we struggled a bit, if he had in the past, I said yes. They told me he had a few scratches on his arms that he said I did, I told them I don't even have any nails maybe he got scratched by my ring in the struggle. They asked to see my nails and said wow you weren't kidding, she couldn't have made those. Then they said he claimed I hit him. I said no but maybe he got hit in the struggle but I never intentionally hit him. So he gets arrested. I didn't press charges this time but he has a trial for both times he got arrested coming up. For a third time I go back. He suggests I might be bipolar and I look it up and find a lot of the symptom's fit. Again things are OK for a few weeks. I started seeing a therapist. He now has new footing in an argument, I'm bipolar and need to learn to work on my "issues". I went to have myself diagnosed ( she said there is nothing wrong with me). He still believes I'm bipolar though. April 14 I find out I am pregnant. Just 2 weeks after I told him I never want to have kids with him because of the way he treats his. When I tell him about it hes not happy. The timing sucks, neither of us working and he is about to loose his housing because of the arrests. 3 days after I tell him (we have been arguing about everything since) we get into an argument about how far along I am. They go by your last period so I was 7 weeks, he says no your only 5 if you were 7 then we weren't together at that time. So I said I had enough and wasn't going to have a miscarriage (I had 3 when I was younger) because he was stressing me out too much and went to my moms. Its now May 7th, we been talking and I have been going to visit about twice a week. I told him I'm not coming home till he works on his anger issues. I don't believe they can just go away over night but he insists that he has changed already. He still blames me for his anger and uses his daughters to guilt trip me saying things like "you have no idea the pain your putting me and the girls through". He also says things like "I have to work on my issues but you don't have to work on your own?" meaning my bipolar issues. I feel torn because on one had I do love him and his daughters but on the other I don't know if I can ever get over the physical fits we got into or if he really can change his anger problems. I'm constantly telling him its not what causes the anger but how you deal with it. Now I have lied to him about a few things nothing major Ive never cheated on him (he accuses me of that too) and he thinks that my lying is just as bad as the fights we got into. I don't see it the lies I told him never made him fear for his life like the fights we got into.
Since then he has accused me of prostitution, having a criminal record, sleeping with my ex's children, and trying to break into his house. He lies about everything and gets away with it. He blames everything on other people. Everything is always worse for him in his eyes. He always has to be right about everything and if proven wrong he says the resources are wrong. I have been to child services and they wont do anything to protect the girls. My biggest fear is that he will lie about me in court and get away with it. I just don't know how to handle this situation and keep running into dead ends. He is so good at what he does and I don't know how to deal with him. The worst part is he doesn't think what he is doing is wrong. I just don't get it, how can one not see his own actions?