Yes I've Been Raped and Molested...Well writing this and sharing it umm.... is a little hard. But If I can say something that help anyone else then it worth it. And I just want to say that I didn't go through this on my own. The Lord was with me every step of the way. I know its hard for ppl to understand why a child would have to deal with something like this. But I remember reading in the bible " And the child will lead us" So now that I'm growing and understanding more, I can help more. The Lord doesn't put more on us then we can handle, and he knew that I would be able to handle this. He knew that I was strong enough, and I'm blessed to have gone through this. Because now I have my chance to help many other ppl. So now I'm 21 years old. Working on finally putting my life together. Its taken years I'm sure it be some time until I'm fully together. But with the Lords help its getting much better.
At the age of 7 my grandfather molested me. He made me perform sexually acts to him && he did the same to me. Even though I was 7 I still think its my fault. But if you were to ask me if this happen to another 7 year old, I would tell you that it's not him/her fault. I guess that's just something that goes along with being molested/raped. When I was a little older 13 I was raped, by some guy. He was a known *********. I was really scared to tell anyone because of the issue with my grandfather. People didn't believe me, they said I was lying. Teachers, some family members, folks I didn't even know said that. I was yelled at, questioned over && over. && I knew that if I told anyone about this RAPE I would have to deal with the same thing. So I didn't, but yea people did find out, && yes the same thing happen to me. Until people started finding out who he was, then it was maybe she is not lying. I guess for other its easier to tell the person you love they are lying then to believe that something BAD happen to the person you love.
In my preteen years after dealing with being Molested && Raped. I just couldn't cope, didn't do well in school. I acted up, lied, mistreated people && anything else. I didn't want to live, I attempted suicide twice. && as you can see that didn't work out for me, because God has a plan for me && I intend on doing that. I went to consulting.... I cant tell you how many counselors from the age of 7 until I was 19. Doing that really didn't help me at all. I know that for some people it does, but not for me. So I had to do thing my way. Talking to friends, reading about it, Understanding what you go through, talking with other. && talking to God && myself. Really tryin to work things out. I was doing better even thought I was taking "Baby steps" any steps toward making a change is GREAT.
Then at the age of 19 I believe. I was raped by a "Friend of a Friend" The guy was drunk && he didn't seem to care that I was telling him no. things got outta hand so fast I didn't even know what was happen. Before when I was 13 I told him "NO" but he didn't listen && did what he did to me. When I was 7 my grandfather threaten to kill me && my grandma if I told anyone. So by this time with all the neg. affects I didn't say "NO" right away. That was just my way of dealing with it. "If I want it then its not RAPE, even though I know I don't" But I was able to say NO... I yelled it, I hit him, I tried to leave && he wouldn't stop. His words to me was "Just let me get my NUT off" I don't think I will ever forget these words he said to me.
Everyone always says if they was in that situation, they would scream, yell, fight, do anything to get out of the situation. But you just don't know unless your in it. I knew that if I did everything I could && couldn't get away that I would want to kill myself, that I would feel like - My life is NOT worth living, so that I wouldn't have to play that situation over && over in my head. But I knew that I had to try I was sick of letting guy HURT me, even if I failed I TRIED. && to this day not many people know about it. My brother cause he went with me to the hospital, && a couple others. My family doesn't even know. I just said if less people know then I can forget faster. But its not tru... You don't forget- you can only OVER COME. You have to say, I WILL NOT LET YOU CONTROL my life. I will SURVIVE.
This is my way of dealing && working things out.... Its OK if you've been RAPED && your scared. Your not the only one, if you ask all your friends if they have been raped you'd be surprised how many people would say yes. The one thing that helps is being able to talk to someone who understands you. Someone who has been through it. Just talking can take you a long ways. So if you need someone to talk to I'm here. && there are plenty of numbers && websites for you or a friend. && DON'T FORGET YOUR NUMBER 1... JESUS CHRIST....HE CAN HELP YOU THROUGH IT ALL.
Thanks && have a BLESSED day... Because GOD does LOVE us all, EACH and EVERYONE of us.
*update 6-25-11* I'm very very happy to see how many people have read my story, the comments and inbox messages... I'm glad that I can be a blessing to anyone out there I'm still being blessed and lead by the Lord... :-D 25 Years old I've changed a lot about me && my ways all for the better :-)
*UPDATE 8/26/13* I am 28 years old, && still living my LIFE for the Lord. It has been amazing looking back on my life. All the trails that I HAVE been through. But I truly believe each and everyone has made me who I am today, each and everyone has allowed me to have a love for the LORD I would have never known. I know everyone may not have the same beliefs as me.... BUT just try, I would be glad to be a guiding light... Almost 20.000 VIEWS here and 9,000 in the other GROUP this is a BLESSING... God Does LOVE you, He does, and He understands your pain... Just bring it all to Him and leave it at His feet.. - God Bless <3 If you would like my PERSONAL Email, just ask ;-)