Daddy's Little Girl... No...daddy's Little Sex Toy

I keep having flashbacks and I feel dirty. I know I should have gotten used to it, it happened for years but I can’t stop feeling him inside of me, on top of me...inside of me. He was so big and I was soo small. When it started at least. It started when I was two. At first he would just touch me. You know down there. And then as time went on, when I turned about three and a half, he began to put stuff inside of me. stuff like... hangers, hairbrushes(on the non-brush side) one of troughs long tubes with bubble solution that makes big bubbles, wrenches, hammers, a broom, and once even his hand. He tried to put the whole thing inside of me. Boy did that heart. It heart no matter what he put inside of me. he would take whatever item he was putting inside of me and move it in and out of me rapidly and swirling it around... like a d*ldo. “That feels good doesn't it... you know it does!!!” he'd scream. But i hated it. I let him do it because he told me he would kill me and my pet cat Vivian if I didn’t do as he said... or rather let him do whatever he wanted. My mom had died in a car crash when I was an infant and he told me that he had murdered her when she did not do as she was told. Bing so little I believed him. I believed him almost all my life. That was until my grandmother told me that she died in a car crash on her way to the supermarket. Whenever he put stuff inside of me despite his attempts to make me like it I didn’t enjoy it. I hated it. It heart really, really bad! Sometimes he would make me bleed. When I was five he started raping me. In fact it started on my 5th birthday. He said that it was my birthday presant. He raped me for almost three days strait, only stopping briefly to use the restroom get a drink or eat something. I didn't sleep through any of it. It was worse than when he stuck stuff inside of me because he was even rougher with it and it was wet. And sooo sweaty. He was so big and I was so small he was so heavy on top of me. I remember how violent he was I acutely thought that he was trying to fit himself inside of me... penis first and he simply wouldn't fit so he tried to force his way in. Pulling out slightly only to attempt to jam himself in again. This happened rapidly though. After the time he did it for three days straight he would do in for hours every night. I learned that I didn't need much sleep. I would get home from school and immediately go to sleep in my room. After about three hours of napping I would wake with him inside me. He would also have sex with me mostly at night or whenever he wanted to... for however long he wanted to. this continued until I was 17. I ran away and reported him to the cops at 17. I was put in a foster home where I was also raped. I guess my foster dad figured I'd been violated all my life how much could anything he did to me heart. After that I went to a group home where I was raped aswell by another foster kid. He was raped aswell. I opened up to him and the next night he raped me!!! I didn't say anything and then all his friends came around after that and did the same thing. When I finaly told someone I was already pregnant with my first daughter Lily and infected with chlamydia. After that I ran away from the system and went to live in a woman’s shelter. That was the best thing I ever did. Anyway back to my father. When I hit puberty at 12 1/2 he simply started using condoms and put me on birth control. When I was 14 he started pimping me out to his friends. When I was 15 I ended up in the hospital with gangrene he acted shacked that I was sexualy active and told me that if I told any of the doctors.. .Or anybody what had really happened or what was really happening he would kill me. As soon as I go home from the hospital it started again. This time it lasted for almost a week he tied me up and stopped only briefly to allow me to eat use the restroom and drink. he said he was making up for lost time and told my school that he was keeping me home for a week more to let me heal and to have a serious talk with me about me being too young for sex. That was when I learned he knew better. That really heart my feelings. The fact that he know what he was doing was wrong in did it anyways. He is a disgusting pervert. And I hate him... but I can’t help but love him. And that makes me feel dirty and stupid. I feel like it was my fault and I deserved it at times. But I know I didn't. At least I didn't deserve all of it.

Lilyofthevally Lilyofthevally
18-21, F
3 Responses Jul 17, 2012

Have you sought medical & psychiatric help? Have you reported all this to the police? You can sue and get money out of this, you know?

You didn't deserve any of it!

u didnt deserve it
he just deserves 2 die.....
happy 2 help :)