I Hate Him

I can't remember the exact age when it started, but I know I was still in elementary school. It was my uncle..my mother's sister married him so he was related by marriage. I know this sounds crazy but he never once touched me until after he had a heart attack and a stroke, that's when it all started. My parents and I moved in with him and my aunt while I was in 4th grade, I knew something wasn't right because he would always want me to sit next to him and he would stick his hand down my pants. I started to avoid him every chance I had, unless there was other people in the room.

The ironic thing is he's a huge christian and goes to church all the time, hangs out with his friends from church often too. Yet he's so evil... and of course everyone in the family feels so sorry for him because of his heart problems/ physical problems from the heart attack and stroke. I remember he used to stay up in his room, so whenever we would leave their house we always had to go to his room to tell him bye. Of course I couldn't say "No I'm not going up there". I couldn't tell any of my family either, I felt so disgusting and I felt like it was my fault. Plus I knew how it would affect my family and I couldn't deal with that, even after all these years I would never tell because I feel like if I did, that my aunt, cousins, second cousins would all hate me and disown me because that's their father/grandfather.

I did mention it one time to one of my female cousins when we were young teens, and she said yeah he tries to do that to me too. That was the end of it though, we never talked about it again. I couldn't bring myself to ask her if he actually touched her, even though from the vibes I got he did because she didn't like being alone with him either. I feel really bad because when I was younger his son had 5 daughters who were all younger than me except for one of them. I still wonder to this day if he touched them, and in my heart I believe he did.. I feel like if I would have said something right when he first touched me that I could have protected my cousins.

I rarely talk to my aunt and uncle anymore, I go over there maybe twice a year to get my hair cut. I hate seeing him and talking to him, and having to act like nothing happened. I truly hate that man, and I don't care how awful this sounds but I wish that he would have died years ago when he had that heart attack.
sillyginger sillyginger
22-25, F
9 Responses Apr 23, 2011

Remember, you are WORTHY, you are SPECIAL, you are LOVED. There is NO EXCUSE for these sick adults! I'm so sorry you went through this! Please find a therapist or counselor you can talk to who will provide you with support, advice, and the tools you need to get over this. That so-called 'uncle' is a horrible person! If you can find the strength, your family should know about his behavior. Even if you can't, your family still should know-he should NOT be allowed around young children! What he did is criminal! If your family doesn't support you-leave them! Sometimes our families do more harm to us then good!

Pedophiles should be shot. I'm sorry, but they DESTROY young girls lives! I know, because my grandfather by marriage was the same way-sick mother f*****. I was older (age 19) when he groped me and tried to force me to have sex, but still messed me up immeasurably. When I told my parents about it, they just ignored me. I asked my 9 year old sister if he'd ever done anything to her-she said no, so I left it alone. Later, I found out he HAD done something to my little sister. Son of a *****! My uncle had 2 young sons, so I told his wife. Their family stopped speaking to me! This behavior is almost as bad as the abuse! I have gone through years of counseling-it does help, so please find a good counselor-it may take some trial and error, but don't give up. Good luck dear!

just forgive your self, then forgive him,,let it go,,its gone,, its over,,go look in the mirror and say to your self ,wow thats over , wow i lived thru that think like it was a storm, but the suns out now and you lived thru it,,your ok you have all your arms and legs , hair, eyes,feel your arm feel your legs ,,say to your self , wow i feel good,, im ok and you will be ,, just do this every time you think of it , let anger slip away, tell your self im happy im healthy,, i love me,, and im a good person, I,love you,, good luck,,

I was about the same age when my grandfather molested me. My grandparents are the owner of a chapel and my grandpa is the pastor. He even took me to the chapel and did things with me. I totally understand how you feel. If you ever want to talk about it or anything i'm all ears.

Let me add one more thing here.<br />
<br />
How you SEE something is the Key here. <br />
<br />
You can hang on and hate, feel ****** and probably get a pile of support. I have dealt with hundreds of people like this who carried around crap, like of they gave it up they would disappear or they would invalidate their own lives.<br />
<br />
When the drop it all of this pile of Stuff falls away and they feel alive and renewed.<br />
<br />
This is NOT about making what happened to you OK or approving what he did or anything even remotely like that. It is absolutely about Doing this for You.

First, likely a part of his brain that control impulses got destroyed in the stroke. Bizarre behavior is common.<br />
hanging on to the hatred will not work for YOU.<br />
So first forgive yourself, for being afraid to speak up. We do that and a ton of other things to ourselves as we are growing up.<br />
I posted something similar about myself when I was 4, not molested but feeling and deciding I was both unloved and unlovable (both totally untrue, but.)<br />
Next forgive him. I doubt he was in control.<br />
and know the Christian church is all about hatred and devil worshipping. That is why they talk about sin, evil and how everyone is a bag of sh!t.<br />
Except of Catholic priests who are pure as the driven snow in a coal mine.<br />
So when you cannot have the most natural thing, sex, which may well be the spiritual gateway to speak to the Great Spirit, what you do is go sex crazy.<br />
I was raised to not be terribly religious, I however got into BDSM and met a number of very strict religious girls and OMG can they make sex dirty! forbidden! and 50 times hotter than us average folk.<br />
Deeper into the bible belt I go the wilder the sexual needs.<br />
<br />
So likely your uncle repressed his true sexual nature and when his brain broke, and I do mean broke, all the stuff behind the dam came out.<br />
<br />
So OK he did it to you, but<br />
<br />
What are YOU going to do about it Right NOW!!? <br />
<br />
These are your feelings. You create them and if they are out of control, guess what? they are out of control.

I have been there. it went on for far far to long. and now i have no assocation with the family member ... well almost any of my family..

I can just imagine what you went through and are going through. You hang in there and try to erase that from your memory and try to live as if it never happened. I know it's kind of hard to do that because it unfortunately happened but remember that what goes around come around. These pedophiles re going to get what they deserve sooner or later. Disturbed people like that burn in hell

I can only imagine your pain... Take heart though.. His maker will judge him!.. Bill