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Now This Will Only Hurt A Little....

my older sisters boyfriend molested me when i was 10-11. he was 20. she was 17. he drank alot. and he would rape her then sneak into my room and touch me. this continued for about 6 months.... i was absolutely terrified the first couple times he fingered/fondled with my barely existent breasts....he broke my hymen and it bled so much i was so afraid id have to tell my parents, but the bleeding stopped and it stayed my secret. after a while, i began to like what he was doing. he made me feel so special. he would be really nice to me and treat her like crap. he used to beat her and slung her against walls. and then come to me and be all happy, and gentle.. it felt really good.. especially when he ate me out. only a couple times was he really rough. thats when he was really drunk and mad at my sister. months and months after this began.. he was spending the night with my sister, like usual, and he came into my room a little more hyper than usual. "wanna do something crazy?" he asked... he explained everything and told me itd hurt a little but everything would be fun, i agreed. we had sex. and i liked it... except for when he first entered me.. it hurt so bad i felt like i was going to die, but after that i got into it and wrapped my arms around him and even moaned. after that he only came to my room like twice and we just kissed and touched. and then he stopped. but he was still together with her.. i was so confused i wanted to know why he didnt want me anymore... months after the last time he molested me, i kept thinking about it and how if anyone ever found out theyd think i was messed up and send me to counseling.. which wouldve been terrible for my family at the time. i wondered if anyone would ever "love" me like that again..  i didnt believe it was possible cause my virginity was gone and i was always taught thats the most precious thing a girl could have. i eventually got over it.. im not married with 2 beautiful little girls.. ages 2 and 6. theyre my whole world. he married my sister and everythings been normal ever since.we havent discussed this since i was maybe 12.. and i havent told my husband because im afraid he will he will think im going to molest our daughters... i hate feeling like i have no one to talk to, but i feel better ive let this out i  just thought id share and tell you all it isnt your fault, and that everything will be ok.. i promise. feedback would be greatly appreciated.. 
NoahLindsey NoahLindsey 26-30, F 1 Response May 7, 2011

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We all have our hang ups , The way I looked at it was we have billions of people in this world and each of us has a hang up to tell so that makes me NORMAL .

If its normal then he wouldn't have snuck around with a 10 year old. Im disgusted if i have kids, I will make sure nothing like this ever happen to my special lady. Its wrong, period.