I Want To Forget

I experienced it for years and feel guilty about going back for more. I could have stopped it, I didn't feel threatened. Just hypnotised into acceptance. It felt good, but it was wrong. I don't hate him or wish him ill, am I wrong? I feel like it is normal to hate and despise those who do that, but I don't hate him. I dream I am that age again and going through it again. I can't tell if I am happy or sad, although I didn't feel particularly depressed then. Just mediocre. When I wake up feeling horny I struggle with conflicting emotions of desire against disapproval. My partner thinks I've woken up feeling kinky for them, but it wasn't so. I don't feel depressed or angered about it all I just want to forget it and get it out of my mind!