My Half Brother Is Obsessed With Me

I have struggled with writing this. I spent an hour just trying to figure out where to post it. What group? Its complicated and its difficult to write out. I feel worse about it having actually put it down for anyone to see.

My half brother and I have a weird relationship. He's almost seven years older than me. My mom left his dad and got pregnant with me by someone else. When i was three, we went back to my half brother and his dad. So i didnt know him for three years and he hated me. he wasnt kind or nice or brotherly. Just hateful.

When i was seven our mom met some other guy and took off and left us with her parents. We stayed there for seven years. in that time, my half brother was so hurt and so angry. Our mom just kept dumping him when something better came along. We were both really screwed up and we were all we had in the world. When i was eight-ish and he was almost fourteen he went from hating me and being mean to being sweet and kind and loving. We shared a room at our grandparents house and that was when he started touching me.

It started with games like "red light green light" with his hands going further and further up my nightgown in the dark. Then he would kiss me and fondle me and eventually he put me on his lap (he had on underwear) and would rock my hips over his thing. It felt good, im not gonna lie, I had involuntary *******. I didnt even know what they were but they felt so good. He loved for me to climax. He would rub and rub until my hips would go crazy and id start making noise and he would have to kiss me to stop me from making noise our grandparents could hear and he would ****** right there in his underwear. Then he would kiss me all over my face and tell me that i was the only person in the whole world that he loved.

I was a smart kid and i started asking older girls questions about sex and I figured out that what was happening was wrong. It didnt feel right and the longer it went on the more he wanted to do more things. He'd pout and get upset if i told him no. Then he started angling for more and i didnt want to do those things and i said no. One night I woke up and found him doing something to me that i had already so no to. I was really upset and I told him that i didnt want to do those perverted things with him anymore and that id tell if he touched me like that again.

He cried and cried. He apologized, he begged me not to stop loving him and he couldnt understand when i told him that i did love him, i just didnt want any more messing around. I never thought of myself as being molested but I suppose I was. It wasnt like the movies where someone just comes along, a big dark shadow and takes something from you against your will. It was more insidious than that because he made me feel loved even while he was taking something from me.

I think he might have been touched by someone else in the family too. I think thats where he got it from but he wont say. He goes crazy if i bring it up.

Things have always been off with us since then. This is so weird to admit but i think he is in love with me. Or the idea of me. Im not sure. He is really obsessive with me and when he is around he listens in on my phone calls. He gets mad when i go on dates with guys he doesnt approve of (which is everyone except his gross friends). He grills me about my grades, he tries to tell me what to do and what to wear all the time. He is obsessed with my sex life (or lack thereof) and grills me about that too. He gets upset if I wear makeup (puta!) if I dont (you dont even try to look nice).

Before he moved outta my mothers house, more than once he got blackout drunk and tried to climb into my bed and touch me. This wasnt that long ago. And I only made the mistake of getting very drunk (drunkest ive ever been) at one of his parties and crashing on his couch one time because he was stumble drunk too and as soon as the last guest left he was all over me putting his hands on me and trying to get me down on the couch. I ended up having to sleep in the bathroom with the door locked.

Our mom is really violent and she drinks and fights with her boyfriends and they have loud battles and lots of loud makeup sex. We had both seen and heard all that nonsense but i dont think either of us knew what to make of it as kids. Now my half brother and i fight a lot (cuz he spends all his time trying to control my life) and i think he gets off on fighting with me just like our mother got off on it. I dont have a great temper but im usually in control But when i lose it, i really lose it. I throw things and yell and call him names and when i get like that he smiles like he is enjoying it. He pushes me and pushes me and mocks me. Most of our fights end with me getting so mad that i slap him in the face or hit him. Then i cry because i hate feeling so outta control and he holds me while i cry and then he apologizes for being so crazy. There is some weird sexual component to our fighting that freaks me out.

It's sick and i dont know how to escape it. When hes not being nuts, he is the best brother. He would be there for me in a heartbeat if anything went wrong. He would protect me from anything if i asked. But something is wrong with him and he wont let go of me. When he gets truly angry with me, he shuts me out and withholds his love which makes me feel so scared and alone and usually i will try to patch us back up because i hate that cold shoulder stuff. I know its manipulative of him but I cant stand it. We only had each other growing up and despite everything I do love him. Its hard too because my mother seems to be at least semi-conscious of our weird dynamic and she encourages him to control me. Its like she doesnt know how to do it herself since she didnt really raise me so she relies on him to be my father figure.When i do things she doesnt approve of, she calls him and tells him about it so he can handle it.

Im thinking very strongly about moving near my bio dad who lives an hour and a half away just to give myself a break from it. I feel like I cant breathe right now. Im trying to date someone (J) and my brother is going crazy and picking fights and generally trying to make me miserable. He came over to "check up on me" while my mom was out of town on Sunday and saw J's car in the driveway and he sat out in the car and called me on the cell and reamed me out and wanted to know who i had over and said just awful things to me. I am twenty by the way. I was SO embarrassed and J wanted to go out and talk to him but that was just going to get ugly so i asked him not to do that. But it spoiled the whole day. How do I explain about my brothers obsessiveness without scaring off J? The answer is, I cant. Im twenty and Im a virgin and Im working hard to have a normal life and my brother is trying to steal that from me.

Now Im torn. If I move, my half brother wins because he drove me away from a really nice guy that I feel something special for. If I stay, my half brother wins because he can still control me.

Im really unhappy right now.
RoughKissGirl RoughKissGirl
26-30, F
31 Responses Jul 3, 2012

If you still have this problem you should talk to him and ask him how he feels and just go from there. No denying just honesty. 😊

This was a really amazing write-up, and I could not disagree more with the "keep it short" crowd. It's just incredibly well put together in my estimation.

I know it's been a long time since this, and since I already read all the comments, I know what's become of you since this time, too, but still - for whatever reason, and I really can't say exactly why - I'm somehow incredibly moved by the whole piece, and I guess I just wanted you to know that, that at least in those terms it was not a word too long at all.

I hope things continue to somehow improve.

Listen honey and it is the truth... no matter what anybody says or does... look at it this way... You love J and you think he loves you too. So need to tell J about everything and break up with your mother and brother and go live with J or your father. This is the only solution. If J really loves you then he would understand your situation and should support you. If he doesn't support you or can't stand by you then it means he doesn't love you enough. I am assuming here that J must be in his 20s. Therefore, if J takes care of you good, if he can't then move to your father. But be careful honey, the world you live in is manipulated by men and it seems like your brother is a real *****. He doesn't have any respect for relations. He doesn't love you as a sister but he loves you as a female object. No matter what happens you have to get away from him. Add me and PM me to discuss further because something I can't share here.

I am sad for you. Always remember that you grew up in a situation where many of the adults around you were self-centered and not responsible. You will be attracted to this in a partner. Be careful. I'm curious, how well do you know your dad? Does he ask you to come live wit him?You can have a great life because you have the ability to choose. But you must choose carefully and wisely.

I started crying for you honey, this world is so depressing. I hope that you can find the courage to tell J and your need to fully realize what your brother is doing. I would start by giving him the cold shoulder first and not forgive him right after he apologizes, honey you need to put the foot down, tell him enough is enough and flat out say "I know you love me but my love for you is that of a siblings, I don't think of you as a man, I think of you as family." Now being the way he is that might not work but my other suggestion is for you to do your own victim protection. By that I mean, call your brother and tell him to meet you at a shop or something far from your boyfriends home. Pack up your things and go on a vacation with your boyfriend or stay at your boyfriends house for a while, and use rental cars. Your brother may not be that crazy but just take precautions and stop giving him second chances

Actually J broke up with me because I had too much family drama. I moved two cities away and cut my family off cold. My half brother tracked me down and assaulted me. Now I've moved near my bio dad, changed my phone number and am living as under the radar as I can. But it doesn't feel like living. Just surviving.

Its good to be honest with a partner. If you really like this j guy I would tell him so he knows why you brother is like he is. Tell him you been trying to stop him but he just gets angry. And if the guy runs away then he's not meant for you.

i so understand ur thoughts n how they conflict in u... my mom opened my sexual world at age 5 n then as we continued she had me open my two young sisters n do many of their virginal friends on sleepovers i would love to connect n chat w u n go from there it has made me into a very sexual sensual person,,, carpenterjim65 on yahoo...xoxo thanks jim

Wow I can relate its not easy but do what you can to be happy and be with someone btw your really pretty :)

dude u shud probably try be loyal to guys u like and not be like ur mom but otherwise i feel kinda sorry for u and i also think u shud try find a better physical place that u can live/sleep in that is safe because its not nice that u shud be stressed at home<br />
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u cud also get a protection order against ur halfbrother which means that u can call the police if he is bothering u and they will come remove him. they wont like put him in jail or anything theyll just make sure he stops bothering u. he might get angry but u know, its not really his place to be controlling u if its making u stressed and unhappy. to get this u go to the police station and say u want a protection order and theyll help u with the rest of paperwork

I see. That is tough . My belief is fight for what you want . U want a normal life and this guy J in your life fight for it . Giving up only makes things worse . Not physically fight but mentally and spiritually . And u should b open with J not about the molestation..just yet ..but maybe eventually that too . Thing is u shouldn't try to take on a situation like this by yourself bcuz your not by yourself . And maybe having a heart to heart honest talk about how you feel to your step bro will help too .

My goddd

I know it's a long time since you posted but I need to comment. I agree with those who have said get professional help, for both of you. I have been married a few times. The first grew up in a family every bit as strange as yours, she is hopelessly messed up and never got help. The others have all been raped. The ones who got counseling are doing OK sexually, the one who didn't is beautiful, intelligent, and has a life you don't want. My wife (one I can't imagine being without ever) was raped by her brother and cousin pretty much from being a toddler. She is the most sexually stable woman I know, but she got lots of therapy to get over it. You need to get help! and thing will be fine.

I took myself to therapy when I was sixteen because I started having thoughts of self-harm. It\'s been mostly helpful but I am still struggling. Something about the way my view of self was formed has given me some bad behaviors I can\'t seem to shake. I\'m working on it though. Thank you for your thoughts.


Having read your entire posting, I do feel silly..
YOu should speak to a professional ... I am sorry for making light of your situation..

aside from the fears which you had, you would be very lucky to end up with a guy who has such passion and desire for you...

You are Amazing at handling this as well as You do! He's a F'n Predator, I would give him the option Once!! Step-off, or have a restraining order against him Period!

I think you need to sleep with him.

You don\'t have to spend much time with him dear... Perhaps you can just jerk him off and see if that calms him down

I am think you should see what the military have to offer you, and joint, that way you will be learning something and getting away, where he can't follow.

Wow, your story is very deep and this is something you should not let ruin your life. I think you should seek counseling (privately) so he/she could tell you what to do. I'm not going to say take it to the police because it seems like you really love your brother and dont want him thrown in jail however, this needs to be stopped. Truth be said, what he has done to you is wrong and it is definitely molestation. There's plenty of programs that you could try. Hopefully you feel comfortable enough to ask your brother to do the same and maybe he could tell you why and explain what might of happen to him as a child hence the fact that you sensed it. Ill pray for you baby girl :-*

Thank you. I'm in therapy and have been since I was sixteen. I do love my half brother but he's insane. I asked him to go to therapy many times when I was younger and he refused. He didn't think he had a problem. He refused to admit that anything happened to him. He's in denial. Thanks for the prayer. I'll always take it.

You dont have to leae town, but you can move out the house to an apartment with a BFF or something.

It was a little tiny town and I moved to a city 35 minutes away and he found me. I had to move halfway across the state.

So you have managed to get away from him.
I\'m glad. I hope you\'re doing better.

The man needs a girl of his own. Set him up with someone you don't like. Maybe he'll busy himself on her & not have time to set your itinerary.

That is Terrible advice.
Ive had a friend with about the same situation as this,
And imo Sometimes you just have to cut things and people off.
Best I could say would be restraining order.
Anyways sorry im no help lol take care.

Yeah, I did hook him up with other girls. I threw him at hot girls at parties. He'd sleep with them but he never had a single relationship.

Wow, very interesting story you have. You say he's your half brother, so you have the same Mom and different Dads? You just may have to move and completely remove him from your life for some time until he gets over his obsession. It's more important to deal with this issue first before you get deeply involved in a relationship for obvious reasons. If J really cares about you he will understand and be there for you. If he loves you he will take the time and energy to show it by helping you through this thing and not abandoning you or treating you differently. Good luck and God bless............ericx

Same mom, different dads.

I did move and he found me. I had to move again, change my phone number and just walk away from my family and my life. It was hard but it's done now and I think I'm better for it.

Thank you for the blessings and the luck. I can always use both :)

that's some freaky **** right there............freaky in a bad way too.......learn to use a gun and protect yourself.......I know he's your brother but you can't let him do you harm........I pray that one day you are able to fully disclose everything to your man... and you are welcome.......ericx

I'm so sorry love :( I hope things get better and I agree that u need to cut off ties with ur brother. Have u told anyone? I know he's ur brother but what if he does he same to someone else? I wish the best for u!

wow... I am so sorry you have gone through all of this, i too agree that you need to put some distance between you and your half brother... best of luck to you darlin

You need to put some distance between you and your half brother for a little while

That is a truely amazing love hate relation with your half brother, and I doubt anyone can help you except yourself, you have to remember that happiness is a state of mind, so forget who wins or lose and do what you feel right for you, I would agree with what everyone else said about moving on or out but I learned the hard way that it is not that easy when it comes to relations specially when family is involved, so all I can say is good luck in choosing what is best for you.

Thank you. I moved out and got my own place but I didnt go far enough and he tracked me down and he assaulted me. So now I AM moving. I dont have a choice. Im not safe where he is concerned. He's too crazy. It is so hard when it comes to family because I had all this stupid optimism that if I just did everything RIGHT it would be fine. If I could find the magical amount of love and caring to give him, then he would give the right amount back. Apparently having a high IQ doesnt preclude me from being a flaming moron sometimes.

some people are just like that, no matter how much love or care you give they still repay with hate. i would say this is the last time you move, the next time he tracks you should take your stand and make it clear for him that you do not accept this, by any way possible. maybe he will come to his senses. wishing you all the best.

Move. <br />
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You guys were kids even though he was older. Young Kids though underdeveloped, sex parts work. They get curious and experienent. They have to be taught right from wrong. <br />
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See, the body is the body. The body does not care who or what stimulates it, it just likes stimulation and it will respond. Its the way the body works nothing more. Stimulate sex organs, they climax for the most part. Now It is our soul, minds and hearts that tell us to execise the moral boundaries of right and wrong. <br />
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That part, was also healthy in you which is why once educated, you did the right thing! You stoping the ************ with him. Don't be ashamed about the normal feelings you experienced when unnaturally stimulated. Simple physics.<br />
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Yes, your brother molested you. He prob was molested too. But His past does not matter in terms of why he did this...he knew/knows it was and is not cool. It's against the law. He needs to put his jones for repeating the stimulation down and get a grasp on reality.<br />
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At 14, his sexual urges were off the chain... Normal. His outlet however, should have been a mutual relationship with a non relative teenage girl or his own hand. Not his little sister. Bad idea.<br />
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Teen Boys are sometimes intimidated by girls or just arent getting the desired attention. But he is a man now. And It seems he still has issues with knowing how or that he needs to redirect his sexuality to a healthy adult relationship. <br />
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His body recalls the stimulation of the past now craves it. This is why we should not cross some moral lines. The body is the body and its strong. We work most of our lives to get mind over, spending, habits, sex.<br />
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He needs to conclude what transpired was wrong. If he does not get some help with accepting sex with his sister is a absolute taboo and how to redirect his sexuality to a healthy adult relationship, you may find yourself in an unsafe predicament one day where you are forced.<br />
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You need to move to a safe place. It's best for him and you. He needs counseling or guidance.<br />
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As for the boyfriend, if its love, he will follow you. Nice guy or not, You must take care of you. Telling him about your brother and your past, that may not be a good idea if the relationsip is new. Establish trust first before exposing something so intimate. You deseve to be treated with understanding and respect.<br />
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If he does not keep in touch, then you are setting the stage for a new, happier healthier life and eventually, the right relationship for you.<br />
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You are young and deserve to be happy child. Take control of your life and be young and have fun, go to school, go on trips, dance, make friends, create an awesome life for yourself! It's okay to be happy.<br />
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Your brother has to find his own healing, you can't make him. Pray for him but make your own life. He has to make up his own mind. <br />
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Maybe your positive path will inspire him.

Wow. That was beautiful and powerful. Thank you.

I know on some level that it was physical and what I wanted had nothing to do with it but it is still embarrassing. I still have all this shame. Even with years of therapy behind me.

My brother is a disease in my life. I know this now. I cannot have any relationship at all with him or with my mother. They feed off each other and use the other one to manipulate me. I have cut him out of my life in the last month and I feel better for it. I am sad and a little depressed but I cannot give him what he really truly wants (which is someone who can love him unconditionally and make him feel whole). He made me a substitute for our mother and then he molested me. His issues are way bigger than mine and I am trying to remind myself that I cannot be his savior.

Molestation is embarrassing. I was ashamed after a while, I felt like I had some ownership for the perversion that was being inflicted on me. I dressed down, hid myself in baggy clothes gained weight no make up. Like I was a temptress .... I was a young girl he had a problem not me. But time, prayer, therapy, talking, sharing has helped me over the years. But I am still healing.

Your mom, a whole other issue. I distanced myself for years from my mom but am dealing with her now.

It's so good and healthy that you broke away! I feel happy and excited at what tomorrow will bring for you. A bright future!

You are are one bright young woman! Your insight and depth will only grow over time.


Oner day you will loose your virginity but definitely loosing it to some you love and like to submit your self will be a life time to remember. The pain and pleasure mix of the two a real pleasure.<br />
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I know when out of innocence when I was just about 8 while playing hide and seek I hid myself with a girl who like me and I like her. We started fondling in the isolation hidden on the terrace alone. I playing with her ***** **** and trying to enter my finger at time while she was shaking my c*ock. as she was nearing pleasure peak she started stroking hard and fast taking the skin to the last it could be stretched. The time she came she gave such a wild stroke that skin of the c*ck tore away with pain and blood on it. but the pleasure held me from crying pain. She got scared a bit but later we used to jerk off many times untill one she allowed me to ride her and lost her virginity.

Wow. I am almost speechless after reading your story. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better but my situation was very different so I can't really relate. What I do know is that you shouldn't feel guilty or sick for liking it when you didn't understand that it was wrong. You sound so amazingly strong to have dealt with all of that and still come out as well and as brave as you have. I wish all the best for you. Perhaps you and your brother would benefit from counseling, if he could see and understand that what he feels is wrong perhaps you could move more towards the proper relationship you are supposed to have. I can understand why you want to keep him in your life. I really hope everything turns out ok for you. Stay strong.

I have tried getting him to go to counseling with me and by himself and he wont do it. There are some cultural things at work here too. He is Mexican and he thinks it wouldnt be macho or something to talk about his feelings.

I think seeing if you can live with your bio-dad...if he's saner! is probably a really good idea. Your current living arrangement sounds too chaotic and crazy, if you have somewhere else to go, go.You need space to process this stuff, you haven't got it.<br />
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He stopped hating you and started loving you...when he reached puberty.<br />
He then groomed you and sexually abused you. So how much of his love is genuine, and what you desperately needed...and how much of it is an attempt to get sexual favors? <br />
You are going to have to cut contact with him for a while.<br />
If you can get a therapist after you've moved, do so.

My bio dad is a good guy. He is the lesser of two evils at this point.

I dont know what to make of my half brother. I dont believe he is a ********* so much as he is fixated on me and has been as you said, since puberty. Its hard for me to see it as sexual abuse though, weird though that is. Until he started pushing me, his focus seemed to be on making me feel good, not himself. I dont know. Its confusing.

Ive been in therapy since i was sixteen. I started having suicidal thoughts and i was really depressed. I went to my biodad and asked him to pay for therapy for me because i was scared i was gonna hurt myself. Ive been in it on and off ever since. It was helpful but everything is so complicated. I tried to get my brother to go with me and he wouldnt. I tried to get my mother to go and she wouldnt. I want to try to salvage a family from this mess of people and its illogical.

I think maybe its time to consider cutting contact, but i feel like doing that is like severing my own limb. Im weirdly connected and disconnected from my family. Its not an easy choice for me but im scared now because i think my brother is becoming more crazy.

No, it's not easy. ((((HUGS))))

You are so sweet and intelligent. I wish of I were ur bf I would have taken you away from this hell and would have loved you with all the softness of my heart. Keep on all the good things

Aww that's a very sweet thing to say. I appreciate it. Life is better now though. It's mostly better.

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well u never know u might like it if u give it to him. u cant help who u fall in love with.i think u should try it let him have u and try and enjoy it if u dont like it then dont do it any more. find someone else.

No i dont believe id like it if i "give it to him". i dont desire to have sex with him. What i want from his is love without strings but he cant give it without trying to own my body too.

Bad advice from Cayden987 : O Don't "give it to anyone" UNLESS you want to. And although he's not your full brother, he is still your brother and that's just morally wrong plus he being obsessive over you is not healthy. You need to remove yourself from your environment. Break the cycle and start to take care of you. Your brother and your mother will prob never change so try to live a normal life. IF your dad is sane or you have other family members then go with them. If I were you...I'd work, save some money NOT tell any family members like your bro or mom and one day just leave so he doesn't follow you.

Yeah even if you remove the icky brother part from the equation, he is still acting like a lunatic. I feel gross about it all and I have a lot of shame I have been trying to work through. But now I know its bad advice. Its not something i want. When I was younger my feelings were harder to sort out because i did and do want his love and it was all tied up in the sexual knots he brought to our relationship. Now Im just tired and heart sick and i barely have the energy to fight with him about it. I will be honest that part of me wonders if I "gave it up" to him would he leave me alone? But I know the answer is no. I think he would get even more territorial.

Cayden987, you're a perv like her half-brother.

RKG, you're half-brother is wrong. Cut him off and go with your boyfriend. The guy is just trying to drag you down with him. I feel so sad for you. :( Living in that hell is tough. Oh, he's trying to control you so you won't tell on the little rapist. Yeah, that's true. Control so you won't tell. Move away is your best bet. Tell your bio dad what he did to you and see if he'll help you. I bet he will. Yes, it's rape not love. Sorry, that's the truth. I wish you the best of fortune.

Amen to that cioatoo

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