Moving Day… Still Lost And Not Yet Found…

The day came that I had to move out from living with my sister. She was having trouble stopping and I was tired of The Business. The risk associated with it was too much for me to deal with any more. I would still help her by keeping the “Serious Weight” with me but absolutely no distribution would happen at my place. She always held back a little for herself anyway. Everything was cool until I received a call from her. Now I was with a young lady at my place and all I had on was my pants. It was January and very cold (there was snow on the ground!!!). Her X-Boyfriend stopped by and was trying to get back with her. They started arguing and he was becoming violent. I apologized to the young lady and took off running in my pants and shoes down to her apartment. I came thru the door to find her “X” starting up the stairs after her. I grabbed him immediately, dragged him down the stairs and then outside. I restrained him until he calmed down. He left without further incident and did not return. I checked on my Sis to see if she was hurt in any way but she was not. I returned home and found my lady friend fully dressed and waiting to say good-bye. She felt that there was too much “Drama” in my life so we were done. I wasn’t serious about her anyway. I ended up going back to visit with my Sis and we kicked it like “Previous Times”. I guess I was weaning myself away a little at a time.

I asked her how she was dealing with her issues. We had never talked about them before so this was totally new for us. She said that she was struggling just having what some would view a normal life. After I had left for the military, raising a son by her self was never easy. I was always there for the both of them. When I came back from the service he was 6 years old and I picked back up right where I left off. I was his Uncle but I loved him like a son. She found herself being over-protective with him and be very, very cautious of whom she introduced into his life. I was the same way with him.

Something else of interest was the multiple personalities we had developed over the years. Yup! We had several… The dominant one for my Sister was “Lady V” which was Vengeance. She was hard core, take action and tolerate no mess!!! That’s pretty much the only one she talked about. I had several of my own. The Sickness, The Darkness, The Lover “G”, The Assassin, Big Money G, The Puertorican, and The Black Panther. Each one had a specific role in my life. They were as real as my existence. However, I noticed that some of them found each other and had a level of comfort within each other. Example, The Sickness was great friends with The Lover “G” and The Assassin was friends with The Darkness.

I’m not even sure what night this happened but I knew something was wrong because my Sister had consumed a HUGE amount of the powdery substance and the presence called “Paranoia” or FEAR was no where to be found. Lady “V” was in full control and trying to end her life! I finally got thru and my sister shared with me something that would change me for a long time to come. She was Raped at knife point a couple of nights ago she said. I asked if she knew who it was and she did but she didn’t want to tell me. The person who did this to her said that if I went after him a “Contract” would be taken out on me… I explained to her what I did in the military and the training I received. She still didn’t want to tell me. When she gave birth to a daughter, I saw exactly who it was. The Assassin kicked into full mission mode. I went after this guy and she knew it. He found out that I was after him and left town. I tracked him down out west where he was living on a Native American Indian Reservation. I couldn’t get to him there. It’s a good thing, for him… He never came back either.

(Current Info)
Because of who I am today I wouldn’t do to him what I would have done to him back then. I guess you could say that I have allowed God to reveal some things to me and I received them. I am not the Judge but if I am ever called upon to HIS Left Hand for Jesus Christ His Son sits at the Right, I will go!!!

I would have to move on passed this point. I met a young lady on the job and became friends with her. We would hang out whenever possible but I was still helping my sister with the Business. I was Still Lost and Not Yet Found… I would be with her for 2 years and never tell her about my past of being abused and becoming an abuser. I protected this young lady from everything concerning the Business and my personalities. The only one she would get to know was the real me.
VanceTodd VanceTodd
46-50, M
1 Response Sep 10, 2012

If you need to talk to someone who will not Judge you and understands more than you could ever imagine please reach out -