I Was Raped By My Baby Sitter

I was 6...I think. My parents were best friends with the family next door. They had a son, about 16, who we later found out was gay. Anyway...their son used to babysit me everytime my parents went out, which was once a week. We grew close as friends and I wasnt afraid of running into his arms for a hug.
One night I was in bed, but downstairs had become worryingly quit, I thought, has he left me alone in here? So I snuck downstairs and peered round the corner. I found him watching gay ****....though I didnt know what it was at the time.To his, and my surprise, he caught sight of me. He called me in and I went running up into his arms. I asked what are the men doing, and he replied, thats what best friends do when they really like each other. I looked back the tv and to him and to the tv. I couldnt understand, but the men on the tv seem to love what was happening to them. He asked, do you really like me, and I said, yes.
From here Im not too sure what happened in the conversation, but what it felt like was he 'talked me into it' or 'convinced me' that this is how guys act normally act around each other in private.He also hinted that 'this happens between older and younger boys too all the time.'
We sat and watched the film and I asked questions and he answered and I was curious, I actually did belive him that this is how boys who were friends acted in private! How gulliable was I!
I can remember him saying to me, 'I think we should do that, we are best friend after all, rite?' I was confused, I was unsure. For some reason, I said, yes.
Im not sure what happened too much, but I can remember being in the fetal position on the edge of the sofa and with no bottoms on.
I will never forget that feeling of when he pushed himself into me, I gritted my teeth and whinged loudly at the pressure building up. When he manage to fully penetrate me I begged for him to stop. I can remember, saying 'stop!, please stop, I need to poo, I need to poo!'
He kept saying its alrite, its how it feels, that feeling will go away.
It never did....
He lay his weight on me so I wouldnt escape, my legs we so far tucked under me, they went numb after meer moments.
He eventually finnished and I was exhausted. Im not sure what happened after that, but I can remember waking up in bed the next day and I had pooped myself. My anus was damaged to the point, it didnt shut all nite.

This carried on once a week everyweek for up to 3, maybe four years. All the time I kept thinking ' this is how friends act'. I was so brain washed.

I ended up with bowel problems to which I had to visit the doc. My anus was so badly damaged it wasnt shutting the way it should. it was shutting at one side in an almost egg shape. The nerves inside had been damaged to the point I had been getting numb patches on my legs. My inner sphinter had semi collapsed, it usually sits as high as the belly button, on me it sat touching my outer sphinter. My bowel and retum were damaged, the muscles inside me couldnt contract fully, so any fecal matter that made it to my bowel just 'fell out!' I had to wear adult diapers. I still wear them to this day.
lillieuser lillieuser
26-30, M
Sep 20, 2012