A Battle With Unbelievable Pain… My Struggle…

As far back as 4 years old I have been sexually active. I was very good at it and used it to my advantage throughout my life. However, upon returning home from the war I suffered from what I know now to be Gulf War Syndrome or Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). From this I had several other discoveries. Over the years I would begin to experience pain that would start at the base of my neck and work its way to my extremities. I would be seen by doctors and test after test would be conducted. The results would come back inconclusive. I would try different medications with no relief. The best way I can describe this pain is that it was not muscle or bone related but nerve ending pain. For the last 15 years I had been living with pain 24x7. Some days were better than others because the pain wasn’t as severe. Other days it was debilitating. After extensive research on my own I came across some information. From reading all of the symptoms it would appear that I have a rare case of Fibromyalgia. After more research I thought I might have found my cure.

Now in the beginning of this event journal I mentioned being sexually active since I was 4 and being good at it. Why was that important to mention? There was a gentleman I read about who had been experiencing the same type of pain and a doctor tested his testosterone levels. The man’s level was low so he started a series of testosterone treatments and his pain went away. Having low testosterone levels normally means a man suffers from Erectile Dysfunction. I didn’t have any issues performing with my wife. I made an appointment with my doctor and had my testosterone level checked. An average man’s testosterone level = 300. Mine was so low they tested me twice and the results came back at 65!!! I should have been the “Walking Dead” – LOL!!! I started treatments by using a gel that’s absorbed through the skin of the shoulder and chest but my levels were not increasing, they were getting worse. The doctor decided to start injection therapy. I’ve been pain free since!!!

My Struggle – There are some serious side-affects to having testosterone treatments. Being a sexually addicted individual and sex not always being a regular occurring event, I have had issues where I have been a very angry and horrible person to live with or be around. I tried to control my mood but I lost that battle. I literally had no ability to control my anger. I knew it was the treatments because I’ve been tracking my symptoms. Two days after I have received a treatment, I have uncontrolled anger issues. From it comes a lot of Collateral Damage as a result. So what can I do? Without the treatments I’m in pain again. With the treatments I require more attention from my wife because I REFUSE to give in to Self Gratification!!! I finally confided in my wife that I have a serious and real struggle that I cannot control. She now understands the seriousness of my therapy treatments and the devastating effects if I go untreated and if I go too long without sex. We are finding balance in our relationship and this can only get better!
VanceTodd VanceTodd
46-50, M
1 Response Dec 4, 2012

With the beginning of your story, I was ready to blast you for being a ***** because I believe almost all of us have been molested and you need to suck it up. Then you moved on and made a lot of sense. I agree that abstaining from ************ and focusing on "real sex" is a great solution - good luck keeping it up!!! I'm trying as well!!!