I Was Molested As a Child
This is one of my most deepest darkest secrets. I don't like telling people about this. I can't get the words to come out of my mouth. So there's only 2 people who I've talked about it to and that's it.
So... I was molested in Kindergarden by the teacher aid. All the kids were supposed to walk with a teacher aid if we had to go the bathroom. There were several of them, but I just happened to get the perverted one. But instead of taking me to the bathroom one time, he took me to a staircase that was nearby. He made me give him oral sex. It was very disgusting to me, of course. So after that first time, he pretty much blackmailed me to go to that staircase with him more often. Pretty much the whole year. The way he would blackmail me was by telling me he would give me a yellow card. A yellow card in kindergarden meant I was being bad and I didn't want my mom to think I was bad. I wanted a green card. So I just had to do what he told me to.
I remember crying almost everyday because I didn't want to go to school. I couldn't tell my mom or anyone. I was scared.
When he took me to the staircase, he would tell me to open my mouth wide... Sometimes I was afriad that he was going to pee in my mouth. I didn't really understand why he wanted to do that to me. I think there was this one time where he did *** inside of my mouth. That was very traumatizing to me. :( I can remember that time pretty vividly. I remember after it was done, I ran out, and I asked the teacher if I could go to the nurse. It was nap time, and she said she ran out of nurse passes. So I just ran to the nurse by myself, but then I couldn't tell them what really happend.
I think he was pretty paranoid about me telling someone. I remember one time I was just eating at lunch in the cafeteria and he was just standing close by, watching me. Then I ran to the bathroom because I had to go. He followed me and said, "what are you doing?" I said "I have to go to the bathroom... for reals."
Sooo... I didn't tell anyone about this until the ninth grade when I learned about oral sex from my health class. I just told my mom. I used to cry about it a lot. But after I cried about it and talked to my mom about it, I was able to heal. The second person I've told is my boyfriend (he's my first.) I cried the first time I gave him oral sex because it gave me bad memories. I would close my eyes while I did it and I would feel like I'm 5 years old again... But now I'm okay with it. I don't cry about this anymore.
What I want everyone to get from this story it: YOUR KIDS ARE NOT SAFE AT SCHOOL, OR ANYWHERE. TALK TO THEM EARLY ON AND TEACH THEM ABOUT THIS STUFF. TELL THEM TO TELL YOU RIGHT AWAY IF SOMETHING HAPPENS. IT HAPPENS TO SO MANY. DON'T LET IT HAPPEN TO YOUR KIDS. AND IF IT HAPPENS, DON'T LET THEM CARRY THE PAIN AROUND FOR YEARS. TALK ABOUT IT TO THEM.
