It Was In Kindergarden...

This is one of my most deepest darkest secrets. I don't like telling people about this. I can't get the words to come out of my mouth. So there's only 2 people who I've talked about it to and that's it.

So... I was molested in Kindergarden by the teacher aid. All the kids were supposed to walk with a teacher aid if we had to go the bathroom. There were several of them, but I just happened to get the perverted one. But instead of taking me to the bathroom one time, he took me to a staircase that was nearby. He made me give him oral sex. It was very disgusting to me, of course. So after that first time, he pretty much blackmailed me to go to that staircase with him more often. Pretty much the whole year. The way he would blackmail me was by telling me he would give me a yellow card. A yellow card in kindergarden meant I was being bad and I didn't want my mom to think I was bad. I wanted a green card. So I just had to do what he told me to. 

I remember crying almost everyday because I didn't want to go to school. I couldn't tell my mom or anyone. I was scared.

When he took me to the staircase, he would tell me to open my mouth wide... Sometimes I was afriad that he was going to pee in my mouth. I didn't really understand why he wanted to do that to me. I think there was this one time where he did *** inside of my mouth. That was very traumatizing to me. :( I can remember that time pretty vividly. I remember after it was done, I ran out, and I asked the teacher if I could go to the nurse. It was nap time, and she said she ran out of nurse passes. So I just ran to the nurse by myself, but then I couldn't tell them what really happend.

I think he was pretty paranoid about me telling someone. I remember one time I was just eating at lunch in the cafeteria and he was just standing close by, watching me. Then I ran to the bathroom because I had to go. He followed me and said, "what are you doing?" I said "I have to go to the bathroom... for reals."

Sooo... I didn't tell anyone about this until the ninth grade when I learned about oral sex from my health class. I just told my mom. I used to cry about it a lot. But after I cried about it and talked to my mom about it, I was able to heal. The second person I've told is my boyfriend (he's my first.) I cried the first time I gave him oral sex because it gave me bad memories. I would close my eyes while I did it and I would feel like I'm 5 years old again... But now I'm okay with it. I don't cry about this anymore.


minnie22mouse minnie22mouse
18-21, F
41 Responses Nov 1, 2008

I would like permission to print this in a book I'm writing...are you there?

No one should ever be forced or intimidated into a sexual act against their will.

You are absolutlt right about talking to your children.. my son is three and he knows all about not letting anyone touch him. my mom talked to me at an early age and when something happened i ran and told her and she believed me.. by her talking to me so early she saved my life

That sick f-er. I'm so sick of all these child predators! I'm a mom and this makes my blood boil! I'm so so very sorry you had to go through this and no one in that stupid school caught on. WTF! I was abused as a kid too and I went through similar things when I became sexually active. Flashbacks, feeling sick, confused, etc. Just don't be afraid to talk about what you are going through with your partner. If they are ready to have sex with you, then they should respect you enough to listen to any issues you might have. Talking to a therapist who specializes in sexual abuse helps too. Good luck to you and stay strong :)

it soo sad to know that kids whent thrugh this and to know that there are kids out there still going thrugh this,, i wonder if this people whent thrugh it as well. i have a 17 month old and i can not imagin my pain as a mother if my daughter ever goes thrue this (GOD FORBIT)
my sisters and i grew up with family members that were high most of there time and most of us got sexually harassed, none of us ever told my mom, but now that we're old enough to talk about it we all know eachothers stories and we were all able to push this out of our lifes becouse even though i didnt get to the point of getting raped in my case, i was still scared and confused, but the thing is they all get what they diserve, my uncle died a cuple of months ago, he died slowly an painfuly. i can say i forgave him in some sord of way... to be honest i dont know if i did.
sweety,, ill pray for u and wish u the best in life.

I never had to do something like that but I was molested. I know what it's like and you were so young. How did you deal with it? I will pray for you.

Are you ok?

I too was molested as a child by the teacher aid during a bathroom break but she was a female and I am a male so I didn't perceive it to be sexual assault for a while and when I do tell people about it they usually don't think its a big deal because I am a male and that really bothers me, like why does my sex make my case any less legitimate. My whole kinder garden year is a total blur , I somehow forced myself to forget

They think it doesn't mean much because their heads are up their bums, because they don't understand.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

Thank you for sharing, but I respectfully have doubts about the legitimacy of your story. I was molested multiple times between the ages of 7 and 11 and I honestly don't have the horrible feelings that you have. I absolutely know it was wrong and I have met with many counselors to discuss. Although the experience is traumatic and causes long term damage, it is my understanding that the molestation typically is perceived as a loving act by the victim. You have explained a story that is malicious and hurtful which makes me believe that you may have made this up to elicit a response from the board. If I am wrong and you are one of the 1% who respond the way you did, I apologize profusely!!!! Just wanted to make my opinion known. Good luck.

" is my understanding that the molestation typically is perceived as a loving act by the victim. " No, dude.
I had a guy stick himself down my throat at age 4. It cut my wind off. It was huge. It made my face hurt.

"...If I am wrong and you are one of the 1% who respond the way you did, I apologize profusely!!!!..." ONE percent?

"Just wanted to make my opinion known."
Uh-huh...Dude...You got problems.

Thanks for sharing your story. I too was molested as a young child. Your courage to talk about it hear is amazing! I just wanted to say, I hope that your Mom reported the person who did this to you. They shouldn't be anywhere near a child. And if she didn't, I hope you will.

I understand how tough this can be. I and my sister were raped by a group of people from 4 1/2 - 8 years of age. I had suppressed memories for years. After a lot of counseling, and talking to my sister I did go to the FBI. There are so many good people out there willing to help, and to put a stop to these crimes.

I wish you the best that life has to offer and hope you find it!!

Thank you for sharing this. The sad thing for me and why I feel so ashamed is because I learned about all this early on. But the power of brain washing is greater than you know. My mom asked me all the time because it happened to her when she was younger. I denied it because I didn't want to hurt her. I was afraid she would be so mad that it happened. It happened to me by my father from as early as I can remember (3) to about (10). Im glad I'm not the only one out there that knows the importance of keeping your children extra safe. It's better to be that overly cautious parent than to have this happen. I have a 1 yr old son and i will protect him

you are so right. talking about it (telling someone) does make you feel better. thank you for sharing your sad story. <br />
best of luck to you.<br />

thank you for sharing this and giving people a perspective on how screwed up "safe" places can be. I am so sorry this happened to you.

My parents told me about that kind of stuff when I was young. I am glad because I never got molested and I don't think I ever will. Thank you Mom and Dad.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It's so sad that no one and no where can be trusted with young children :( <br />
<br />
I was molested by both my daycare caregiver and her boyfriend or some boy that was there for months, and months, at the age of 3-4. Some people are so sick, I cant understand why anyone would think this is okay. :( I think everyone going into any kind of work with children needs a psycho-sexual evaluation! One instance of something like this can ruin someones life!

Govt should take actions against such silent crime.. :(<br />
and hats off to u that you survived .....GOD BLESS YOU!

I hope that teacher aid dies in a slow, painful, agonizing fashion. The first thing to fall off would be his manhood:) im really sorry this happened to you, and may God bless you every day of your life. Thank you for your courage and strength:)

thats a terrible story i am so sorry that happened to u

I am truely sorry for what happened to you, but I want to say thank you for sharing it. I feel we both had similar occurences when young. At least, in how it affected us when older and trying to be intimate. I don't feel I'll ever be completely over any of it. I was with my current boyfriend probably 5 years before I felt truely comfortable being touched certain ways, or before I didn't have flashes of memory hit me in the heat of the moment, making me almost push him away. I have only told 3 people. My boyfriend is not one of them, although I'm sure he is aware of something, but knows I'm not bringing it up so, he doesn't either. I don't like to talk about it. We've now been together 14 years, and I love him with all my heart, but I still don't want to talk about it. It's sad how common it is really. I don't have any children, and don't plan to. I do reach out to kids though, and let them know they can talk to me about anything. Once in a while I see a kid with that look in their eye. The same look I've felt myself have. It pains me, but I always smile at them, hoping they'll feel that I know that look. Sometimes the most shy kids will light up and become all giggles for a moment. I feel good about myself when I make a sad kid giggle. the cops

Thank you for posting this, I never thought this would happen at such a young age. I am very sorry for this experience.

I've had things happen more than once growing up where I've been molested in different ways and such. It's been challenging for me to open up sexually and for a long time I numbed myself up to that part of life as if what happens doesn't happen. I know what it feels like to have all those memories jump into your head. Images repeating over and over again. I always forced myself past it. I deal with it way better now that I'm older and time has passed. But a lot of times I still even ask myself "why me?" and I wished that someone was there for me when I was younger to protect me or warn me. Someone who would of told me to say no. I strongly agree that children should be told or educated about these kind of things early to protect them.

at least you can talk to your mom about it :) ... some can't ....which means they deal with it they're own......

at least you can talk to your mom about it :) ... some can't ....which means they deal with it they're own......

where do these preverts come from and there are so many.I am sorry this happened to you it happened to me too.

I'm sorry for your traumatic experience. Have you exerted any effort into seeking justice? Also, confronting your abuser will help you heal.

Awe I'm sorry that happened to you. <br />
<br />
I know this liitle girl who lived in foster homes because her mom and dad didnt want her anymore. When she was about nine or eight she got adopted. The family that adopted her were child molesters adn they molested her everyday. One day when she was about 13 or 14 she ended her life because she didnt want to live with the family. She tried to call the police but when she did they would beat her. She was my best friend and when i hear this song I cry because I think of her.



First, my condolences.<br />
<br />
I feel sorry for child molesters, because the vast majority of them were victims of child molestation themselves. I am not condoning, just want each of you to think how fuced up your life would have to be to feel this was your only choice for sex.<br />
<br />
Next I have had some very odd experiences in my life. One when I was doing deep trance hypnosis on a person. His life sucked and he was very much in the "Why is god doing this to me? and Why can't I catch a break?"<br />
<br />
We were looking for a key event in his life and as we got back near 2 years old, I was getting concerned that somehow I had passed over this key period.<br />
<br />
Suddenly he was telling me he was looking down on himself right before his birth. He could see his life stretching out in front and knew this was the perfect life for him to learn the important lessons. He CHOSE his body and his life, KNOWING it would be rough.<br />
<br />
Went we got done and I was about to wake him, I told him he would remember this clearly.<br />
<br />
When he woke he was a completely different person. He was calm. He was very quiet and introspective. We talked the next week and he told me everything was different. He saw his life differently. Problems were possibilities.<br />
<br />
Since that time when sh!t happens, I always ask myself, "What is the benefit to me?" and my mind tells me are you a moron!?!?! there is NO BENEFIT!!!!!! but I keep asking until this very quiet, I think old voice inside me shows me another way of seeing. and I grow just a bit more.<br />
<br />
I still think it sucks and I still do not like it. But I get it.<br />
<br />
So it is sad you needed to go through this. It is sad he is stuck and has no help and likely is still doing this.<br />
<br />
OK he did it to you.<br />
<br />
Now, what are you going to do?<br />
<br />
I do not think carrying it around, holding it the way you do is serving you.<br />
But what I truly believe is you can transform yourself and really ONLY YOU can do this.<br />
<br />
I can't fix you. I can offer you the possibility that YOU chose your life, so you could have this very lesson. I do not know what you needed to learn or why or anything else.<br />
<br />
I just know you can transform yourself. I encourage you to do so.

i went through a very similar situation. it was also in school but it started in second grade and it wasnt just oral. i have never told my parents. im scared they will start a fight with each other or not believe me. ive wanted to tell someone and have gotten close to but it never happened. how did you get the strength to tell?

Just let go of the way you think they'll react and tell them. This is pretty deep stuff and it will most likely render them speechless. If they eventually get into it over your issue then they just do. It's not your fault they're edgy around each other. It's their duty to listen to you and #1 to protect you.
If you are having a hard time just pretend that you are going to ask them for a lot of money. Have one or both sit down with you and instead of asking for money (or whatever) blurt out "I was molested at school when I was in second grade." You can not control their response and when you understand that it will make it all easier.
Please don't wait to tell. Love yourself. xo

Your an inspiration to me! I was molested by my ex grandpa. And I told this year and it's been really hard. I'm glad your moving on!! You will get stronger! Thank you for the last part. When I have kids the first time they go to school or anywhere I will tell them. They need to know!

Wow That sick pervert...What kind of person, No ANIMAL does that to a child? I'm so sorry you went through that :c

Thank you for posting this. Exactely the same thing happend to me when i was 4 by my neighbour and i kept it in for so many years. Now I'm 16 and it was hard for as i kept getting more flashbacks and I went online to search for help untill i read your story, it gave me the courage to tell my mum it was shock but she and my aunt are supporting and they getting help for me. I hope your story and all the other story's on here help other people who went through this traumatizing event come out the closet and tell their trusted ones. <br />
Really thanks :)

im so sorry you had to go through that.

WOW! i am so sorry you went through that! i hope you are able to go through life without all the bad memories!

I am a child and domestic abuse survivor, as well as a mother of a sexually abused child. I am writing a book about ALL types of abuse to others know they are not alone in their struggle. My intention is to inform others where there is prevention, education, and support.<br />
<br />
Education + Awareness = Prevention. I am inviting you to use my book as a platform share your testimony that will your contribution to spreading awareness. For your help I am giving a book; providing you pay the delivery. Authors may use their real name or be anonymous. I prefer 1200 words but will allow up to 1500.<br />
<br />
I hope you will join me and the many other men, women, and organizations who are assisting me in my quest.<br />
<br />
If you go I have extensive information, which includes letters of support from other professionals and samples of my writing. Or you may email: <br />
<br />
I look forward to your reply. <br />
<br />
Respectfully<br />
Sherry Clyburn

Thank you aurora. :)

This was a horrible thing to have happened to you and I have to agree with Scooby, there isnt a big enough punishment for someone who would force that on a child.<br />
Good on you for sharing your story though, no matter how hard it was, getting it out helps with the healing I think.<br />
Im also really glad that you have managed to find someone who treats you with respect and who you can create positive sexual memories with - thats really important.<br />
I hope you can keep on healing :)

I hope this aid died a slow, horrible death.

Wow, I am so sorry you or anyone else ever has had to go through something like that and deal with that, I am so sorry I really am.. Myself, I've never been in that situation so I can't say I know how it feels but you def. don't deserve that no one does... I am glad you shared your story about it though and glad you can open up more about it - I think that is what heals everything, time and talking... I am here for you you know that.. .. =/