Several Times

When I was five my mother had a nervous break down and was put into the insane asylum for about a year.  I was moved around a lot between her mother and step father and my real dad.  When I was with my real dad him and my step mother went out one night and left me and her boys with her father.  I remember him making me sleep with him and he was trying to have sex with me but could not penetrate since I was just a baby.  When my mother got out of the hospital I was able to move into her apartment with her.  She was dating a lot and would leave me with a lady down the street from us and when that lady would put me to bed her boyfriend would get in the bed with me and touch me in places that were very uncomfortable.  When I was 12 the guy that lived across the street from us would always want me to sit on his lap so he could touch me.  I quit going over to that house and playing with the kids there because that guy gave me the creeps.  I had a doctor tell me once that I needed to talk about this because it was bothering me and it always will.  Let me tell you no it does not bother me anymore.  I don't dwell on it.  I let it go.  I live by the fact that when you do something bad it will come back on you.  I talked to my brother from my dad and step mother a few years ago and asked him what ever happened to his grandfather.  He told me that the man had died.   I just wish I had of had the courage to speak up and say something to someone.  When I was a teenager I was always breaking up with my boyfriends when they started getting fresh and kissing on me.  It made me feel dirty.  My mom asked me why I broke up with my boyfriends all the time and I told her about all the things that had happened to me.  Did I get any support from her.  No she just told me well you have never had anything done to you that was not done to me and that is when she told me about her step father.  I loved my grandaddy with all my heart and as a teenager would still jump in bed with him and grandma and rub granddaddy's back.  He never touched me in any way and I love him for that but the things my mom told me he did to her changed the way I looked at him.  I wish she had never told me.  I was afraid of him from then on out but he still never touched me in any inappropriate way.  I have still never told my real dad about being molested and I think I will leave it that way.  He does not need to know and it is just better to let go.  I have a very beautiful sex life with my husband now of 12 years and I love making love to him.  So it has not hurt me there. 

rondat rondat
41-45, F
2 Responses Mar 3, 2009

How do you forget? I'm thirteen and this happened to me when I was nine! I cannot forget about it. It usually pops up when I'm changing into my leotards or putting a bra on. I want to forget but then again I want revenge.

It seems what might be called, "gray areas" in human behavior due to weakness, mental defects or whatever can only be managed through the judicial application of laws. So what we have done (by voting) is agreed upon a set of behaviors that ARE acceptable and ones that are not; and at this point the individual's Right to decide whether someone is charged with a violation is (sort of) taken out of the equation.<br />
<br />
The person who takes advantage of a close personal relationship and go into any form of sexual behavior with an underage person IS committing an act the majority has agreed SHOULD BE a crime. It actually makes the process of deciding how to deal with or punish a person much easier, as long as those involved can be convinced to provide an accurate account of the events. This is why children are interviewed separately and with the assistance of anatomically correct models and persons familiar with human communications. The trouble is when even the best tools and most skilled experts cannot make a complete picture from fragmented and half-recalled details; in those cases the perpetrator will probably go free.<br />
<br />
Maybe what we need in life is a sexual ethics class for the children, not just sex education but something more about the law, majority rule and how to tell when someone is attempting to psychologically manipulate you. We know for a fact there is much more to sexual behavior than just the physical reactions of our bodies, but we are not teaching the most vulnerable among us how to recognize when they are being exploited.<br />
<br />
I am happy you survived to tell the tale and hope something positive from these experiences somehow made you a stronger person.