Family Member Molested Me...

Between the ages of about 4-7 I was molested by my uncle. He lived with my grandparents and I was there nearly everyday after school until my parents got off of work. My grandma was completely oblivious to what was going on right behind her back. I would scream when he would touch me and she would assume I was just playing and ignore it. Those few times when she did come to check on me, he would stop what he was doing and pretend we were play fighting. I never told anyone until one day in 6th grade (about 12 yrs old) we had a school assembly in which general sex and inappropriate behavior was covered. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I went and talked to the counselor and vented this long overdue secret on her. She never doubted me for a second. We ended up having a meeting with my mom later that week. My mom never doubted me either. That was a relief in itself...that someone finally believed me and was going to protect me! My dad was told (it was his brother) but I didn't know he even knew until just a few years ago. I have tried to speak up in the family about this horrible thing that has had an impact in every relationship I have ever been in and still does to this day, but no one else in the extended family believes me. My mom, dad, brother and sister support me, but my cousins, aunts and uncles on that side of the family think I am a liar and that it never happened. To this very day NOTHING has ever been done to my abuser! He has gone on living a normal life, while I am haunted by HIS actions everyday! He recently got married to a woman with 2 small children, one of which is a girl. I wonder and fear for her. I need some kind of closure on this. I want to see him punished but don't know how to go about it. I want to prevent him from ever doing this to anyone else. This is something that I think about and deal with every single day of my life and it has made me who I am. I own that this happened to me, I am a victim but it has made me a better person in some aspects. I have young children of my own and I am VERY aware of things going on in their life and do everything I can to protect them from people who may want to harm them. Statistics say that those abused often become abusers. I am in percentage of those who don't. Because this happened to me, I would NEVER abuse a child or adult...I know what it does to someone. This is basically just a small portion of my story, but any advice on bringing this to light, punishing him and/or finding closure would be appreciated.

freetospeak freetospeak
31-35, F
22 Responses Jul 16, 2009

Sad to say, many people wanna put their heads in the sand and it's horrible that they would defend this guy through thick and thin. I'm saddened that you had to experience such tragedy, but at least you have your immediate family supporting you.

I am 20 years old have been molested by a member of my family. Closer than aunt or Uncle and I don't feel it has impacted me, could it have affected me without knowing? I have never told anyone and occasionally I hide that thought and prevent it from entering my mind. I mean I have had 3 girlfriends already and the relationships went normally with all of them our reasons for breaking up were moving away, and me losing interest in the other. What I'm saying is, should I speak up about what happened to me when I was 6 years old? I feel perfect. I just need to know if this could have affected me at all without knowing it. I honestly feel mentally stable.

I am soon to be 30 years old. I recently started having horrible memories of my dad molestating myself and my sister from 3-8 years old. As kids we were told to never tell anyone bc my dad said trust him " all I'm doing is making you feel good, that's all nothing wrong with that, but you can't tell anyone bc they won't understand " so we listen and trusted our dad, and never not ever mentioned it to anyone, even as much as I wanted to tell my mom my sister convinced me I shouldnt bc we will get into lots of trouble. So for years I kept this dark horrible disgusting secret way down deep inside of me, actually for awhile I had forgot about it, i guess I just trained my memory to not even think about it and it just kinda disipated for a long while. And after we were around 8 years old my dad started being a normal non perverted dad, and we grew up never thinking about it or talking about it, so We grew up having a normal life prior to 8 yrs old of course, but now I talk to my dad and see him from time to time and now that I've been having these horrible memories reseface I'm hating my dad more than ever and I hate that I'm remembering everything and I don't know how to handle this, I mean for years we learnt to let go and never ever speak of it again, and now if I act on it than what ? My dad is old retired, we all have our normal healthy leading lives. Should I just carry on with my life and not talk about it, except to a councillor ? I feel bringing it up to my dad, he will just deny it and my sister will not want to bring it up, I'm sure like me she has it barried deep inside her. I wish I never had these memories come back.. I feel so disgusting and hurt, awful, I have trouble sleeping, ...Im just a mix of emotions. I still need to find a way to tell my husband, who hangs out with my dad from time to time how do I explain to him, oh hey I started having memories of molesting me!

Thank you for sharing with us, I'm sorry that happend to you too

Educate those kids who live with him now.

I completely agree. Also, could you report him to the police? I've done a bit of research on this, and the statute of limitations is different from state to state. You'd need to figure out what the statute of limitations is for the state where the abuse occurred.

If going to the legal system doesn't bare fruit, you could certainly write a letter to the lady he just married. I think she'd appreciate knowing the kind of man that he is so she can protect her children. Just be factual. There are laws protecting against slander and the like. But if you remain factual, you'll be able to say what you want to and remain safe yourself.

You truly have my best wishes!!

hey i get your feeling, please read my story and tell me what you think <br />
Molested By Uncle At A Young Age, Long Story But Plz Read It And Tell Me What You Think. Am I Gay, Bi Or Straight?

You need to REPORT THIS! It will help in ways you couldn't imagine.

I started writing a memoir about my all the molesters in my life and my horrible parents who didn't protect me from it. By the way u sud report it or at least get it out thier in some shape or form. Just be safe n don't get hurt. Only one of my molesters (all 3 molesters r my brothers) is a registered sex offender, another apologized to me in person 2 months ago and the last is mentally disabled n he thinks he's always right. Gosh even if I technically forgav them n okay w it I still dislike them in some way. That's y I'm writing a book to get it out there n start a new chapter in my life. It's also a healing process because I can figure what really happened n how I view it all now. Good luck :)

Good luck with your book! It sounds like a great step forward!!

My sister has been abused my my oldest brother and he has a wife n 3 kids n been married for a decade. I also. Even molested by another brother idk wat to do either

i was also molested by uncle but have seen justice about it. that man and his family were humilated and as the investigation progressed came to find he had nine felony counts of molestation. it does not matter how much time has passed just having the police come to his house and humilate him is justice enough. get him

When I was about 6 I was molested by 2 brothers both I believe we're 10. It affected me when I was older I'm not gonna say what I did it brings tears to my eyes. Even though I am at peace wit it but it stills breaks my heart.

The best way to punish them is type out your whole story and flyer his entire neighborhood. <br />
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You can also file a personal injury law suit. <br />
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If you do these things beware of the back lash that will happen it will rip your entire family apart. I have personally experienced this, but my situation was a little bit different since I was actually not apart of the family that did this to me and my true identity had literally just been revealed to me and I told the cops everything that happened to me. I have a happy life now but I don't have much family, and that is ok with me. As long as you write whatever happened to you you cannot get sued because it will be your word against his and you will be protecting a lot of other children.

I think you might get some satisfaction telling this woman with 2 small children what he did to you so she can make sure it doesn't happen to her children, whether she believes you or not, you have brought light to her closed eyes.

my ex molested both of my children, and they did not say anything. he left me for a girl 24 years younger than him who had a little girl, he also got her pregnant. i told the girl what he did to my kids, she said that i was saying it because we were broken up. i told her that when he left they felt free to tell me what happened and it was new to me just as it was to her. of course she didnt believe me got pregnant and had a son for him. just glad it was a boy. but i still have to worry that he will touch that little girl. he says he wont that he learnt his lesson. yea, he didnt go to jail, he wasnt caught. the worst thing is that he said they were in on it, and that noone cared about it but me. so telling the other person does not work. i can only say that it was put out there and hopefully she will keep an eye on her daughter. that means sleep with one eye open.


most of my molesters were my family and were from 5 till 17 and noone believed me while it was time to do anything about it and now I am incontinent from the damage they did to my bladder and body I have been left out of the family for another reason as well I was adopted and now they tell me I am a waste of flesh so if you need to talk I am here for you and will try to support and help you through it all.

My story is very similar. I was abused by my uncle. I don't even know if my family is even going to speak to me. I'm sure they think i'm a liar. Because he's one of the "nicest guys" in the family. I will never get justice for what happened to me. But thank you for sharing your story! :)

I too was abused by my father he got away with then he married a women with 2daughters and he got caught trying to molest them.the mother stayed with him told me he had other good qualitys. I was just shocked when she said that. evil people or just in denial I dont know which

I just posted my story recently. I know how it affects someone. My brother molested me when I was five. I don't look at men the same and never have. I'm 36 now and I don't like him and love him anymore and guess what I don't have to! He and his nasty wife are estranged from me and my sister because of a recent fight between him and my sister which could be a blessing in disguise. Thank You for your story and being honest to talk about it. It is wrong and really sick. Also, I am not an abuser either.

I feel the same way. My abuser was my brother and he was never punished. It feels like the world is unfair, you have to bear the burden but nothing happens to the one that caused it. He now lives all the way across the country and has small children and I fear for them. He used to live with my other brother who had a small daughter. I had told anyone he abused me until I learned they were letting him babysit alone. I had to tell the mother. I couldn't live with myself. I know how it feels. Be brave. You are not alone.

I admire all of you. My uncle did it to me and he died thank god it wasnt as great as i thought it would be it would have been better if he had been punished but he finally go his and im so happy burn in hell

You are a strong survivor. Thanks for having the courage to share.

My story is the same and also my uncle. Now I am 33 and they (my uncle and his wife) moved to the same town as ours. I am very angry......I want him to be punished for what he did, and the worst of all he just did'nt do it with me but my other cousins aswell. I was molested at the age of 6- 12 and want to press charges because i've got a beautiful girl of 10. I see after 20 years you can't press charges. Now that I have the gutts to go and make a case, my time is up..

my molester was also a family member and was never outed or punished either

Bringing this situation to light in annonymity is somewhat of a coping mechanism. Some people around me know of this, but most do not and my molester was never outed OR punished. I just know that by telling my story it makes me feel better and it may encourage others to do the same. It has lifted a weight off my shoulders.