Self Esteem Punch For Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse & Trauma

My esteem and self worth took a heavy blow when I was introduced to the unwanted advances of my family members who abused me. However, this physical, sexual and emotional abuse extended beyond blood relatives to include "step" relatives, neighbors and service people.  It was as if I wore a target on my little super girl chest that read "Free".

Growing up from a very young age with this abusive behavior ingrained in me that I was a living sex toy of sorts made me unaware of my value. To this day, I wrestle with being a super success in some areas and a flop of a failure in others.

My peers tell me I am great, as do my aides, my students and my patients. It's not the material wealth I strive to attain or the words I need to hear that increase my sense of value. If inner peace and self dignity is not intact, words do not mean a darn thing to a person so badly injured.

So, it was no mistake that I saw one of my warriors today while I was window shopping at the mall. There were tremendous words shared of hope and encouragement that I am compelled to relay.

Hold YOUR head up high. Do not be frustrated about what you do not have.  Be glad for what is gone from your life. Keep on saying "thank you" for what you do have. You are beautiful. You are intelligent and wise.  You were put here for a purpose.

As I am reminded of those words, I need to share them with you who have wailed and cried. To you who have felt the pain, shame, frustration and violation, I offer you my shoulder to lean on and my ear to listen.

With all respect due,

Nurse Pattye

NursePattye NursePattye
10 Responses Aug 5, 2009

u seem so incred i like wat i read can we connect plz...jim

You sound so hopeful and just positive I know I'll be the same as you when I recover :)

Thanks for this post. I had nightmares about it, only to find out that it was true when my mom was talking to a family member about me being touched. I don't know what to do. And I feel so confuse and hurt.

Thank you.

I know all about letting the walls down... trust me! I am a survivor of sexual abuse...and living in the secrets of others. Now, I live "out loud". I have no secrets and refuse to share in anyone elses secrets! There is a lot of freedom in living "out loud"! I don't go around telling everyone what happened to me as a child.. but, if asked or the opportunity presents itself..I do not hesitate to share my story. There are millions of men, women and children who live in fear everyday of what has happened.. or what will happen. If someone tells you it is "you're little secret"... it is something worth tell others (someone you can trust, a teacher, pastor, etc). "You are either a victim or a survivor, you must decide...because you cannot be BOTH!" I suggest being the survivor! :)

I too think there are a huge amount of people who were molested in one way or another. Some block it out, some know but refuse to admit it, some lives are completely ruined by their inability to cope, others actually learn to accept it and move forward realizing that it wasn't their fault.

The more you are open about those secrets you kept in for so long the better you feel. It's a release, I am a survivor, and no longer want to be a victim. I too felt like I had some sign on me that said easy target. My son is 6 and I every now and then talk to him about nobody should touch you in a way that makes you feel bad. I told him, no matter what they try to threaten him with to tell me. I will take care of it. Some people don't understand why I keep such a tight hold on him, but if there isn't an opportunity for it to happen, it's less likely to happen. I know I can't protect him every second of everyday or for his whole life, but I am very picky about where he goes without me. When he understands more I will let the leash out more. I am afraid, because he is hearing impaired, and i don't want anyone to take advantage of that.

glad that your abuse stopped. thanks for your words of encouragement.

I only found the courage to tell my aunts today being molested as a child. That was almost 30 years ago. I still can't find the courage to tell my mother. I feel ashamed and have battled this demon for years. I do not know what to do. I feel as if now they know they will laugh behind my back and say I was stupid for allowing this to happen. I was only 8 yrs old when this happened and can't seem to find any peace.

Have you seeked therapy? This was obviously not your fault and you need face this and stop hurting. I think it is time for you to tel your mother. Let the demon go - how dare he overpower you? Make the decision to heal.

Thank you! I wish I knew where to start to let my walls down on remembering what my father did to me . Because it runs my life every time I get hurt I block all memories of the pain. I keep putting myself in bad situation over and over again because I don't see things for how they are. Do you have any advice how you cope and get threw this

Something cool about those subconsciousness walls is that if you are quiet and still and try fairly frequently and with curiosity and compassion THEY can tell you what they need to heal!

Wow, I just found this and for a minute thought I was reading about my own life! Thanks for sharing!