Repressed Memories

  "A year ago I experienced a flashback, and was told I was suffering from repressed memories. Since then memories have come in waves, and short bursts... many times repeating themselves over and over and over until well, you get the picture... I am 36, and as far as I can remember, the molesting began when I was almost 3 (before my baby brother was born). First it was my 2 I was his "Baby Girl", at 5 years old he sold me at least once, at 9 years old my older brother began molesting me (this lasted 5 years before I was able to stand up to him... I only remembered what he did), at about 10/11 I was drugged and raped by my pastor and told that my Dad had set it up, at 12 I was kicked out of my house in the freezing cold and not allowed in until I went next door to spend the night with the neighbor... who conveniently slipped Dad some money earlier that evening.  I never remembered anything until this past year, 4 years ago I moved in with my Dad to care for him before he died of cancer... I don't know that I could do that knowing what I know now. But I am so angry sometimes because I can't go to him and just tell him what I think about him and what he did..."

1Jenjo 1Jenjo
36-40, F
5 Responses Oct 27, 2009

He sold you? Other guys would pay him to touch you?! He's crazy! How do you feel about that? I've been molested and I just want to know if I will ever be able to enjoy having a sex life (of course when I'm older) but will I?

M very sorry about watever happend to you..its just very sad.look I understand watever happend wit u but I must tel u that it was not ur please dont blame urself or feel guilty about it..wen u knw that it was not ur mistake then y r u making ur life hell..
Dont be angry with ur father dear..this might sound insane to u but think about it..u r angry and its hampering ur life n day to day work not the better option is to forgive him and be happy and live a good life..

no matter the content of what he did to you dont be overcome by anger and hatred it gives him more power as he had when you were a child

I would quick get someone else to take care of your dad before something happens

It is very sad to know such stuff but back in India where i hail from, everything is different. so i have never heard of anything like this and maybe there are such events taking place even here but i am not aware of it and even if i did know it would tear my heart to know about it and i only pray to god that no more kids have to go through it...