One Of My First Memories Is Of Being Molested By My Step-sister

She was 17 or so at the time and I was 3.  It was my third birthday.  For years I had thought that it was my 5th birthday, but a dramatic conversation with my mom in the woods when I was in my early teens set that straight.  I had no idea that my mom had known the whole time.  See, my step-dad and mom went shopping for my birthday present and she babysat me.  I can only remember it happening that once, and I don't remember her actually raping me, but she may have.  What I do remember is that I liked it.  I knew by the was she was acting that something naughty was going on and it was exciting to me.  I didn't think much of it, but I did later want other women that I encountered during my childhood to pay that type of attention to me.  I secretly wanted them to touch me in that way.

 I felt guilty because my mom would always ask me if anyone had every touched me in a bad way and I told her no every time because I thought she didn't know.  It turns out that I had already told her about it but didn't remember telling her.  When we had the conversation in the woods, she was surprised to find out that I remembered and I was surprised to find out that she knew.  She thought I was too young to remember because I had been lying to her about it.  I do remember thinking it was odd how many times she asked me over the years.

I don't consider this a particularly traumatic experience.  I did feel, in my teens, that this was the reason for my abnormal sexuality and self-esteem issues.  In retrospect, I feel like I was just blaming it on that because I came to understand over the years that being molested as a child is awful and traumatic and really screws people up.  I understood this from social context; seeing examples of people whose lives had supposedly been ruined by something that happened in their childhood.  Being molested is a convenient scapegoat.  

In my ideal life, no, this would not have happened and I would've been able to develop normally without having been sexualized as a toddler and confused for years about what happened and what it meant, but this is real life, which isn't ideal.  In real life, you move on.  You look to the future instead of lamenting on something that happened and blaming it for any problems you have now.  Those past experiences are etched in stone.  Nothing will change them, and they will only affect your future if you allow them to.  The awesome thing about psychological problems is that they're imaginary.  They're all in your head.  If they're in your head, you have control over them.  Someone can molest you when you're a child, but they can't make you feel victimized years into the future.  You're allowing yourself to feel that way.  

My step-sister has spent more time in prisons than she has free since then, having been locked up many times for various crimes, child molestation not among them.  Do I think she is sick?  Yes.  Do I hate her?  No.  If there's one thing I would want someone to take away from anything I've written, it's that hating someone is wrong, even if they're a child-molester.  These people have problems and these problems eventually bring them down in life in a horrible way.  Why hate someone for being sick?  These people will have no success in life.  Have pity on them.     

I consider her a complete waste of space, but that has more to do with who she is than the fact that she molested me.  I dislike her more because she gets a disability check when she is perfectly healthy than I do for her being a child molester.  I happen to know that she molested her own children years later.  I could tell by the way they acted towards each other and some things they said.  There was nothing my mom could have done about that because she lived in a different city and my mom never pressed charges when she found out what my sister had done to me, so the state didn't know she was a sexual predator.  I found out years later that she molested my older step-brother, too, before I was born.      

      

craigkyson craigkyson
22-25, M
4 Responses Feb 10, 2010

16164727 molestation is terrible. It causes some to try to harm others when they grow up if rejected.

Salvatore harry vitale was also molested by his step sister and now is psychologically messed up because of it and the punishment for this molestation is him harrassing other people. He needs help- look him up on facebook or myspace. He lives in las vegas, goes between pennsylvania and vegas.

I was molested by a boy who told me he loved me but

Do you realize that the money making child psycologist field is booming as they continue to convince parents that being touched totally ***** up a kids life and MUST receive consoling for months to save them. Oh yes he is doing good, I will see you again next week, same time. Bye.<br />
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One of the most natural things in life, sex, is now a multi billion industry, because of what kids have done for a 1000 years or more. Called sex play, which is now MOLESTING ! OMG ! I am a victim !!! OMG my therapist said I was taken advantage of because I touched his weiner ! Oh no wonder my life is all ****** up ! OMG and I never told! My theapist said thats why I can t keep a job. A preditor ! Did you learn that word in therapy ?