Sleepover NightmareMy story begins with what started off as a normal day of winter vacation. Please forgive me if this is graphic, but I MUST tell what happened as it happened.
I was 10 years old and my godmother had taken my brother and me for the weekend. We went everywhere, MCDonald's, the barber shop, and even to a carnival. That evening, my godmother dropped me off at home and I was so glad to finally have some time for myself to relax and spend some time by myself. After all, I had had a long and fun day.
So next, my mother came in my room and told me to get dressed. A lady she worked with was having a sleepover for her son. I begged her to let me stay home because I was so tired, but she told me I was being a hermit and needed to get out and have fun. As she put it "you can have your downtime tommorrow."
Fast forward, we get to the sleepover and my mom talks ti her friend for a while then leaves. I go downstairs where the other guys are and there is everything a child can dream of, cake, ice cream, candy, movies, etc.
Being that the hour is late, my mom's friend leaves us downstairs to go to bed, leaving her 18, 17, and 16 year old nephews to watch us. I was a scrawny and weak kid and was always picked on by the older males, so I was nervous and very silent. The three of them began by asking the others who were playing and loud why they couldnt be good like I was. Then, they asked me did I want to sit with them when we watched movies. They really made me feel accepted.
Next, they told us that anyone falling asleep would have a trick played on them. Here is where it gets disturbing and graphic:
1. At one point, I could no longer stay awake and drifted off. I was rudely awakened by the 16 year old nephew sitting across my chest. The 17 and 18 year olds then proceeded to pull my underwear down and play with my genitals. They even called the other boys in the room and all they did was stand there and laugh.
2. The next time, I wasn't sleep, but was sitting quietly, still afraid. The 16 year old said that the 1st time was fun lets do it again, so he sat across my chest again and the 18 year old had another idea (this time take his draws off) he yells. They do so and then begin to play with my penis using lotion. When my penis got hard, they laughed and again called the other boys in to see what they were doing.
3. On the third occasion, my mom's friend's older sister saw them doing this to me and she asked them to stop, but she just went bck upstairs. I was hoping that she was going to get her mother but no one ever came back downstairs. This time, the three of them held me down, while they instructed the other boys there to do things like pulling my pants back down, squeezing my genitals, rubbing ice all over my genitals, and even licking ice cream off of my penis.
* As soon as my mother came to get me the next day, I cried and told her everything. I was afraid I would get in trouble but she reassured me I was not at fault and told her friend what happened. However, all she did is tell them not to do it anymore. That was it. Here I am scarred, tearful, and hurt and all she does is tell them don't do that anymore.
* Today, my sex life has been up and down. Sometimes I have sex with women after I am able to trust them. But I go long periods without having sex due to my shame and pain that I still struggle with.
* I know that it is not my fault, but sometimes I still am haunted by what happened. My mom and her friend are still friends, and her son comes to visit us sometimes. I still have a hard time looking him in the eye. He must still kno wwhat happened that night or maybe he has blocked it out. It is the same with her, I have a hard time looking her in the eye. I know she hasn't forgotten what happened. It almost feels like a shameful secret we are forbidden to discuss.
Today, all I can say is that I am broken yet significantly mended. I still ask myself sometimes why my mother didn't just let me have my downtime. Why she didn't call the police. So many whys that I know will eventually all take care of themselves.