It was years before I even realized, or even remembered what had happened to me. I don't remember exactly how old, at least four or five, seven at the oldest. My female cousin was babysitting her little brother and my twin sister and I. My sister and cousin where in the kitchen building a toy robot out of random objects, while we set in the big recliner watching the movie Annie with a blanket over us. I don't remember how it got started but her hand was down my pants rubbing me. I remember it felt good and I didn't know why, but when she asked me to do it to her I said no. She told me that it was okay, it was just like hers but covered in hair so I did it for a few seconds and got upset and went into the kitchen. I believe this to be the one and only time she did this.
I told my grandma a few days later and she was very, very upset. I don't know if anything ever came of me telling her. I blocked it all out for years and I never told a soul not even my twin sister who sometime knows more about me then I do. For the life of me I can't remember what I was doing but one day the memories just popped into my head and ever since them I can't get them to go away. It gets really bad at night when I am alone. Was it really Molestation because it felt good? I was so little and I was going through the self-exploration phase, I remember my mom telling me to get off my hands when I would go to bed at night but most kids go through that right? Knowing that it was something I shouldn't do, it still felt good and knowing that it was wrong when she did it, it still felt good. I think I knew that she shouldn't have done it hence me telling my grandma but I feel so ashamed because apart of me was aroused. Does it count? It is tearing me apart on the inside and I feel ashamed because we are friends on Facebook, I saw her at christmas and gave her hug. How can I claim that she hurt me when she is still somewhat apart of my life. I love her but hate her so much at the same time. I want to confront her but I don't think I ever could.
One night I got so depressed I ended up telling my twin and she said the same thing happened to her.
I am so ashamed of what happened and I need to know is what happened to me Molestation or am I just being to sensitive. I feel very lost and alone, please if anyone can help me I would be so appreciative.
mumfordstheword mumfordstheword
22-25, F
Jan 25, 2014