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My Sister Molested Me

So, I was 4 yrs old when my sister first molested me. She's 3 yrs older than me, so she was 7yrs old. This continued everyday during play time until i was 8yrs old. It was a game she wanted to play. She never told me or made me feel like it was wrong, or not to tell mom and dad. I didn't know at teh age of 4 that what she was doing was wrong. The last time she did it was after moved and I was probably about 10 yrs old. I didn't remember it for a long time. I was 18 yrs old when i started to remember it. It began as nightmares, and then during the day sometimes I would see her and get flash backs, and would feel dirty, and angry. I had issues with my parents. I blamed them and felt and still sometimes feel angry at them. My mom was a stay at home mom and was right down stairs when this would go on.

I hated talking to my mom about it when she found out. She found my journal and read about it. She said she knew something wasn't right. Even told me she had tried to ask me about it....she said she would ask if "someone was doing something to me?" I always said no. I had no clue. I think I hated her even more to know that she knew something was wrong. I felt like she should have done more. Then my Dad was told. He flipped out! Then came the talk between my sister and my parents. She denied it. I had to sit in my room and listen to them tell her that they believed her, and listen to her cry and scream, "why would she say i did those things!"

Growing up I had a lot of rage and anger. I hit kids and acted out. I even threw my glasses out the window once riding down the highway. I think after it was out in the open i felt more at ease, but then there was all this hurt and pain to deal with. My father thought the best way to deal with this was to go for family therapy. Worst idea ever! They were not the ones needing help. I was! It only made things worse at home. Then a month into it the Dr. said i was manic depressive. Started to list all the meds I could be put on to help. That was it for Dad! No daughter of his was manic depressive or needed to be put on medication for somethings mentally wrong.

I think he took too great offense. What they don't know nor got brought up was all the self mutilation that went on. I would take my fist and just hit my head til it hurt, and past the point of it hurting. I would punish myself. I wouldn't allow myself to eat, or not have things I wanted. It was all about controll. Thoughts of suicide, even tried to find my dad's pistol because I was just so ready for it to be over with....this pain I felt in my head.

I'm 29 yrs old now and since we left that therapist office I have been on my own dealing with this. My mom and I were arguing one day in the car 6 months after it all came out and she said to me "I don't even know if THIS is even true or not!" Wow, she thought I was lying?! Why would I lie about this? Why would I try to tear my family apart with such a lie? After that day it never got talked about. My dad never mentions it, my mom doesn't say a word, nor does my sister.

I feel so alone. During all those years it was not a loud to be talked about. I don't know if they convinced themselves that it never happend, and just pray I never bring it up or what. I don't feel that if I am manic depressive that it's that bad.....course then I have an episode and I think maybe it is. The last two episodes have been triggered by my parents. I don't eat, I don't sleep much. I feel tired, but can't sleep. I hit a dead end, and this last time i was taking a kitchen knife and cutting at my arm. Lucky for me a friend interveened and it didn't get worse.

I scare myself when I get that bad.

I still have issues with my sister. I told my mom over Labour Day weekend that I wished she would just leave me alone, and that if she never called me never bothered me again I would be happy. This is the first I've even brought up anything closely related to how i feel about what happend. I've done some of my own digging and have even found some free help, it's not medically treated but just someone to talk to that has more knowledge about life in general than i do.

When I start making some more money I want to go back to therapy, find out if I am manic depressive, or bi polar. I want to get rid of this pain and hurt I still hold onto. To find me again. To be happier and feel like I have more controll over my life.

fairymagic01 fairymagic01 26-30 29 Responses Sep 9, 2008

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i am still dealing with it. I am 23 yrs old. was abused with 5 by my 3 yrs older sister. i told my mom and i asked my sister if she stills remember the games she played with me. she started crying. i could see the fear in her eyes that i would have told my parents. i didn't tell my dad. because my mom doesnt want my dad to know. its ok.

i developed anger and suicidal thoughts. i still don't know if i will ever will learn to love myself. but i do hope i will start to respect myself one day. Every day I feel like i die slowly. And I let people treat me like ****. I am trying to change this. but it is very hard. I go to therapy but it seems like this topic doesn't matter to my therapist. And I never want to talk about it when I am there. I still feel scared and helpless like I felt when I was a kid.
She ruined my childhood. But still she is my sister. I don't understand why she did it.
I am very confused. I always tried to kill myself. One time I had an overdose of pills. I woke up. I had to go to the ER. I moved out from my home when i was 13. I said i wanted to go study abroad and learn a new culture. i was always a good liar when it came to make up excuses so i don't have to live at home. the less i talked with my family the better i felt. i wanted to divorce my parents and be an orphan but im glad i didn't do it.

i am still struggling and i scream for help through my actions.

i am confused.. i am sad.. i am angry.. i am alone

don't get me wrong. i do have few friends but its hard to keep them. i always think everybody i trust is going to hurt me. so i can't trust nobody. and i end up alone.

the pain will never go away. depression will always be there. pills ( **** them ) drugs ( im done with them since 2 weeks ). inside im dieting . outside im smiling.
its good (ironic) to know there are more cases like mine. it gives me strength to keep fighting. but i am really scared of self hurting myself. i am not an emo. but i do get my emotional minutes like now. and mostly i do stupid ****. thats the reason i am writing now. it keeps me away of doing stupid ****. but should i be posting my story all over again whenever i get a downer like now?
Probably..

I understand how you feel. Just three years ago in 2010, I recovered memories of my sister molesting me. I was six and she was sixteen.
I believe I was ready to remember what happened for two reasons: I had already cut her out of my life because she was abusive and toxic to me throughout the years that we interacted. My children were adults and on their own.
I was 49 when I remembered. The pain and anguish are mostly gone, but what I endured derailed my life. My siblings are all college educated. I am not. They are all happily married and homeowners. I am not. They have insurance, cars, security and good retirement plans. I do not.
What happened to you was not your fault. You are innocent and blameless. Your family wasn't and isn't equipped to deal with this. What happened to you was horrible and the blame lies solely with your sister, as with mine. However, now is what matters.
My advice to you is to get all of the help that you can right now so that what happened doesn't affect the course of your life. I don't even know you but I can tell you this: You are a beautiful and unique being created in God(dess)'s image. and God don't make no junk.

My sister who is a year younger than me molested me for years I kept it a secret intill she attempted to molest my son, problem is no one believes him because he is developmentally delayed. She is very cruel and mean and lies with such ease. All my life she has caused me problems legally and financially. I feel like she continues to abuse me, actually I feel raped by her on a regular basis. We lived across the us from each other and still she was able to hurt me in regards to my Job. I try hard to keep her out of my life but she is always there. I am 52 she is 51 and I am still mentally imprisoned by her abuse. I feel like I will never be free of her and her ways, she has changed so much of my real life and rewrote my life, she has a lot of weird friends who support her. She keeps telling me that she is going to change my life as I know it and she is going to laugh all through it. She has done a lot of damage to me and my kids, I don't know why she is so obsessed with me she has been that way to me sence she was in the 4th grade. She even molested my best friend.

i could never have told my father for fear i would get the strap i am bipolar and need to be on meds i tried to overdose and was in mental hospital for 45 days i believe my experience of being molested turned me into a sex addict ive never been able to find a lasting relationship i had one for 3 years and 6 years and i watch **** daily and ********** im 50 now and ive *********** so much i think i have arthritis in my left hand it affects your whole life

your story is the same as mine except it happened when i was 5 or 6 and was told it was our secret my sister was probably about 12 or 13 i am bi polar if you can do without the meds i urge you to be careful i take depakote and missed 2 days when i was in the hospital due to a medical condition and went into manic relapse very bad once its in your system for a long period of time 8 years for me now i cant live without it i just told a family member over 40 years later

Just break away and get it over with. It's the only answer.

Same here man.. my older sister, 4 years older, asked me if i wanted to "train" i didnt know what sex was at the time.. I tough i was alone about this til now.. feels much better feeling iam not alone.. But feels bad that i have to deal with it

Well i fell your pain i was molested by my mom when i was 5. i was told not to say any thing but i spoke up any way. when i did i got taken any from my family. 5 years later i returned to my family i was sent to live with my grandparents my brother and my cousin made my life a living hell.they were mad at that i told on my mom. my grand parents left for the summer i was left under the supervistion of my brother and my cousin. They saw the perfect opertonity to beat me and treat my like $&@% every day. It was soon after when my cousin turned 19 and left for the univseity of nyc. My brother was 17 and i was 15 it was late one night and i was in bed when my brother came in to my room and got in my bed with me before i could turn around and confronght him he graved my head and mouth so i couldnt talk or call for help.this next part i have told to my family and the never belived me to this day. My brother touched me then he started touching him self. He then got off of me and uncovered my mouth then he left.

I'm sorry, but you're an idiot. It's wonderful feelings and you don't blame your sister for it.

By all means go to therapy but as soon as a pill is handed to you knock it out of their hand and run.

Don't go down that road,

Talking and understanding is the best therapy there is. bar none.

When you find out that your life was not bad at all compared to others you will see the light. I promise you that.

You are not alone.

i was abused by my sister for most of what i can remember as a child the first girl that i kssed whs my sister thinking that this wasnt wronge , i hate now what she done and i have confounted her and she still says she never done it but i know she did i dont know what to do but i feel better that there is some where i can go to to tell what has happend

i was abused by my sister for most of what i can remember as a child the first girl that i kssed whs my sister thinking that this wasnt wronge , i hate now what she done and i have confounted her and she still says she never done it but i know she did i dont know what to do but i feel better that there is some where i can go to to tell what has happend

i was abused by my sister for most of what i can remember as a child the first girl that i kssed whs my sister thinking that this wasnt wronge , i hate now what she done and i have confounted her and she still says she never done it but i know she did i dont know what to do but i feel better that there is some where i can go to to tell what has happend

i feel for you, the same thigns happend to me. I feel like your story is a lot like mine. Its scary to see but i am happy to see that im not alone. I got pleasure from it and so i thought it was ok i think. I was very young age 3 when it started and she was 13. It lasted until she was 16 i think. I was still very young when it stopped but had lasting affects on me. I was obsessed with being pleasured and feeling thos efeelings. So i felt guilty that i had to feel those things and i was so little. It was age 12 that i remembred what had happenedt o me and i felt dirty and angry. why did i do those things and what was wrong with me. i felt like it was my fualt becuase i enjoyed it i think. i said ok when she asked. am i wrong? am i to blame? i am now in my twenties and struggling with bulimia. i have for several years. i have bad dreams and guilt feelings like i was a bad person. I even have dreams that my step father abused me also but i dont remember if that happened. i wonder if it is because i was so worried about that stuff or could he have done things to her or me? i do need help so i am goign to see someone about this but i havent told anyone. this is my secret. I dont want to hurt my family or make anyone feel uncomfortable. if anyone can talk to me that would be great. i also need advice and help. I have a lot of anger and sometimes dream of hurting my step father like killing him and i dont know why. i dont think bad thoughts of my sister just upset she had to make me feel those things and mess with my head.

i had a similar experience from as early as 5 my older sister, she was 6 years older used me for sex. i guess at the time as i had no understanding i had always thought nothing of it. it went on til i was around the age of 11 - 12. i started to become withdrawn from friends and family as i learnt that what had been going on was wrong. i felt great amounts of shame and embarrassment so i decided to go to a dif high school to all my friends as i felt that way no one would ever find out.

throughout my life i have become an emotional train wreck repressing feelings then lashing out at ppl. disconnecting from my family and with low self esteem sabotaging relationships. it is only now at the age of thirty having destroyed another relationship i have started looking back at my past and now have made the link to what happened to me a a kid to how i am instead of me thinking i have just always been a mess up

First of all I feel your pain, but your parents had no reason to think something was going on so why are you so angry at them? I'm not saying what your sister did was okay, but maybe she didn't know any better. My sister and her friend were over when I was 6 and they were 8. They wanted to play truth or dare and her friend dared her to rub against me with only our panties on. It made my body tingle and I liked it. I had no clue it was wrong at all, and after that day we started doing it all the time and we probably would of kept doing it if my mom hadn't come in one day, when my sister asked to lick mine and I said okay. It felt amazing, but my mom came in and freaked out and told us it was wrong. We never did it again and I was ashamed. I don't blame my sister or her friend or my parents. We were young and didn't know it was wrong.

Hello there,



Just noticed that this was posted a really long time ago :) I hope that your still part of this site, I just joined today, because I NEED to hear other stories like mine, I have a horror story to share with the world. I finally know that there are alot of others like me, out there! And your story has helped me today ....



Thank you for sharing

Wow. I have just found out that my daughter who's twelve has been molesting my other daughter who's seven for about a year (she says). I am glad for the course of action I took. I removed my older daughter from the home and got them both in therapy.

I want you to try and think about this from the parents' point of view. This is the most difficult circumstance to find yourself in as a parent. Especially before all the demonization of child molesters in recent years. The easiest thing to do, for me as a parent would have been to just sweep it under the rug. My conscience couldn't allow me to do that, and neither could the state social workers who got involved.

See this situation, in the parents' eyes is about more than the aggregious crime committed against one of their children, it's about also loving the perpetraitor. It's a tough spot, that's what I've been told and that's how I feel. I feel like I want to crawl under a rock. I feel like I did something wrong. I feel like I made my one daughter molest my other daughter. I hate feeling that way, it makes me want to vomit. It makes me want to hide.

I'm not saying what your parents did was right. I have friends who were sexually abused as young children whose parents also did nothing. They say the same things you do. And I listened, that's why I acted. But was that how I wanted to act in my heart? No, I just really wanted to sweep it under the rug.

So please understand your parents' predicament. Try to understand their point of view. But at the very least, please forgive them. Harboring bitterness in your heart for their ignorance only breeds contempt. They did what they felt was right, and they made the best effort they knew how. They are only human, and in their humanity they acted out. Forgiveness begats healing. Healing enables you to say you are a survivor and not one still stricken.

And thank you for reading my story.

I am a child and domestic abuse survivor, as well as a mother of a sexually abused child. I am writing a book about ALL types of abuse to others know they are not alone in their struggle. My intention is to inform others where there is prevention, education, and support.



Education + Awareness = Prevention. I am inviting you to use my book as a platform share your testimony that will your contribution to spreading awareness. For your help I am giving a book; providing you pay the delivery. Authors may use their real name or be anonymous. I prefer 1200 words but will allow up to 1500.



I hope you will join me and the many other men, women, and organizations who are assisting me in my quest.



If you go http://sherry123456789.xanga.com/ I have extensive information, which includes letters of support from other professionals and samples of my writing. Or you may email: burt222@hotmail.com



I look forward to your reply.



Respectfully

Sherry Clyburn

I was reading this story, and i started to cry because it was so much like my own. My story will hopefully be posted soon, but my sister who is about 3.5 years older than me molested me for about seven years. Its heartbreaking, and hard, and we still go through **** that reminds us of what happened, such as my sister is around all the time and acts like we are best friends. If you ever want to talk...

I notice that you posted this up awhile back but hopefully you will get this comment. I know how you feel. I was molested somewhere between the ages of 4-9. I can't really remember the exact age I was when it happened, how often, or what all happened. I had thought about going to a psychiatrist to talk about it and see if I can remember anything else. I was molested by my brother's bestfriend. If I remember correctly, it may have been when everyone was asleep. I didn't come out about it until I was 17. My mom was the first person I told about it. When I told her she cried and blamed herself for not catching it. I had a nervous breakdown when I came out about it. It was never talked about much again until recently around a month or two ago. I am 22 now. I decided to come out about it to this guys sister because she has a little girl and boy. I needed to say something about it because I was so afraid that he was the same way as he was those years ago and would do something to her kids. She ofcourse did not believe me and cussed me out. She told me that if it really happened to me then I would have said something sooner and it must've not had really bothered me. She laughed it off. So I know exactly where you are coming from. I still see the guy from time to time in town and all his family. All it does is bring negative thoughts. My husband and little girl which is 4 months now keeps me going everyday and helps me forget about it. I hope I won't turn out to be too strict on my baby when she gets older because I don't want anything to happen to her the same way it did to me. I just thank God everyday that he did not go as far as taking my virginity. Keep your head up.

I notice that you posted this up awhile back but hopefully you will get this comment. I know how you feel. I was molested somewhere between the ages of 4-9. I can't really remember the exact age I was when it happened, how often, or what all happened. I had thought about going to a psychiatrist to talk about it and see if I can remember anything else. I was molested by my brother's bestfriend. If I remember correctly, it may have been when everyone was asleep. I didn't come out about it until I was 17. My mom was the first person I told about it. When I told her she cried and blamed herself for not catching it. I had a nervous breakdown when I came out about it. It was never talked about much again until recently around a month or two ago. I am 22 now. I decided to come out about it to this guys sister because she has a little girl and boy. I needed to say something about it because I was so afraid that he was the same way as he was those years ago and would do something to her kids. She ofcourse did not believe me and cussed me out. She told me that if it really happened to me then I would have said something sooner and it must've not had really bothered me. She laughed it off. So I know exactly where you are coming from. I still see the guy from time to time in town and all his family. All it does is bring negative thoughts. My husband and little girl which is 4 months now keeps me going everyday and helps me forget about it. I hope I won't turn out to be too strict on my baby when she gets older because I don't want anything to happen to her the same way it did to me. I just thank God everyday that he did not go as far as taking my virginity. Keep your head up.

I can relate it happen to me at the age of 3 in half by my Nanas brother..She was supposed to be watching me & wanted to run the st's so she dropped me off..

after that it only cont. with me being extremely sexual with everyone..Theres to many people to many times to go into detail honestly..I feel like with all the abuse in my life i've become a person i hate deep inside altho i dont show it

Don't give up. As a victim so much is taken from us. I am a survivor. I know that I will never get back what was taken from me. I have scars that run deep. It took a long time for the wounds to become scars. I try to think of the future as something I will not let those abusers take from me. I am not a professional so I cannot offer to help. What I can offer is an ear to listen and a heart to cry. Stay in there because everyone is capable of making a brighter future no matter how dark yesterday or today seems.

I do not believe that being sexually abused or any other kind of abuse leads that person to become an abuser. The one here is the one abused. There are no excuses for anyone hurting, neglecting, abusing another living person. It is they that are sick! Your suffering is real. There are centers in almost all communities that offer free or reduced counciling. I hope you can find one. One in three females are abused sexually in their lifetime. One in seven males are sexually abused in their lifetime.

I hope you can understand that your parents response or anyone elses for that matter is a direct reflection of thier own stupity, denial or whatever hangup they may claim to have. Your life has value, your experience are real and your ability to seek help only speaks to the real strong person that you are. You will never be able to forget and even forgive but that is really ok! You don't owe them anything!

Learn to love and respect yourself. You can do this through talk therapy. Medications can help but are not the only treatment and often don't help without the therapy.

You are loved from this person just reading your story and one that has had some of the same experiences.

I was molested at a young age by a 'friend' who was the same age. We walked to school together every day, and one day on the way home she touched me (that's all I'll say), and asked me if it felt good. Of course, it did, and I thought nothing of it. It only happened once that I can remember, but after that she became mean and tormented me right through to the 9th grade. I was terrified of her. In retrospect I often wonder what sort of abuse she herself had suffered. Usually an abuser was once a victim.



I was also molested by my dad from the time I was 11 or so (can't remember anything happening earlier than that) until I was 15. When the abuse came to light, my mother talked to my dad (he was sober then) and he promised it would never happen again. Unfortunately, I still bear the emotional scars from that time, even after years of self-help and introspection.



The best therapy is to talk, and get it out in the open. Suzanne Somers, in her book about her alcoholic father and her dysfunctional family, said, "We are as sick as our secrets." The first time I told my story to someone, I thought I would be struck by lightning. After all, one of the commandments is to 'honor thy mother and thy father'. But each time I talk about it the pain lessens, and my 'confession' often leads someone else to say, "Yeah, that happened to me too."



It's a long road that seems to have no end, but you can do a lot to help yourself by trying to understand and forgive all parties involved, including yourself. One of the bits of wisdom I learned through my experience is that forgiving people doesn't mean you condone what they did, only that you give up the right to punish them.



Any time you want to talk...

Reading your story was so much like reading my own which I will eventually get posted here. You are not alone and having you here will not only help you see that your not alone but helps us remember that we aren't either. Welcome to the family!

It is my understanding that almost half of all women are molested or assaulted at some time during their lives.

You can get past this.

Look to the future and know you are not alone ...



Many blessings to you.

You are not alone, not at all. There are many who have been through what you have. You will meet some here at EP, and I suspect they will be kind, and understanding, and helpful. The reactions you got from your family are also not at all unusual; the situation is tough for everyone involved, and each copes in a different way.



I wish you the best, and hope that the community here at EP can help and guide you as well.



(Warm thoughts your way.)