My Brother Molested Me

When i was 6 my brother started touching me. The first time was when me him & my other brother where in the back seat of the car on the way home from a trip & the other was asleep & my brother started touching me. I closed my eyes quickly to pretend i was asleep. I cant remember much of that night but i remember him him putting his hand down my parents & started fingering me! My brother was 12 at the time. My brother molested me for 6 years. Every time my parents would leave he would slowly start getting closer to me so i would just close my eyes & pretend i wasnt awake, i was always scared id be worse if i didnt pretend. I knew that he knew i wasnt but i was to scared to show it. He would put his hands down my pants & finger me & he would always try & put his **** in my mouth & most of the time i remember clenching my teeth together. I was young & i didnt know what he as doing but i was scared, i still am scared. I remember my mom making me go swimming with my brother & it was only us two & he would get closer i think i was about 10 but even in the water id pretend to be asleep & he pulled me close on his **** & he started putting his hands up my shirt, he said to me that he wanted me to have his baby. i swear i didnt sleep without crying for 2 weeks. I never wanted to be with my brother,look,talk,touch, or be seen with him. It got to where at night id tell my parents im having nightmares so i could sleep with them, think a 10 year old sleeping with her parents. My brother got caught doing something at school & got in so much trouble our parents had to ask me if my brother ever touched me in any wrong way.......& i lied. i was so scared to tell them the truth, i felt like they would be disappointed in me. After that he finally stopped but i never stopped being scared. Im 17 now & hes 23 & still everyday that passes im terrified to even see him. i try so hard to just forget about it & get over it but i cant & i want to so bad, I feel pain everyday!! My brother made me feel so worthless & disgusting, i started cutting. I went to rehab for it but i still want to everyday. My brother has been living with us again for the past 3 weeks & im terrified & i dont want to be no more. I dont know what to do. Im moving in 2 days to get away from my life here where i live to try to help me but i dont know if it will, but im so tired of being scared. i wanna confront him & ask him why? why his little sister? & how could he ever do that to me? to scared to. :(
MissingPages MissingPages
18-21, F
18 Responses Aug 21, 2010

You should confront him and tell him how you feel and ask him why he did it, obviously he did the same thing to someone in school which is why your parents asked you if he touched you and is why he stopped doing that to you because he got caught doing it to someone in school.

You need to tell someone. This too happened to me but never this bad. I told my closest friend at the time and she told my sister who told my parents. I felt awful nothing was done and it was swept under a rug. I became so mad and angry with the world I wanted to kill him and myself. I mean who the hell does this. I became very stand offish I didn't let people in cause I couldn't trust ANYONE! I mean if your own brother was going to do this to you who else would? I had another friend who found out what happened and how much damages it caused me that she went to the school counselor and told them. They went on saying how my brother was slow and didn't understand what he was doing. Which made me sick! I started going to youth group and a worker was praying and said there is someone who is here that has been rapped. Said I can't go on with my life if I didn't forgive him. The guy came over and put his hand on my shoulder and I went forward and I forgave. Later on my brother asked for my forgiveness. This has been 15 years ago and I still fight my demons over this. But I do recommend you talking to someone. My thoughts and prayers are with you

I feel worthless I told three family members I don't think they believe me when the person who molested me comes around I get nervous I get defensive against everyone it makes me angry when I see this person and they act like there innocent my abuser told me once that I needed god in my life and also that my life is nothing compared to them that if want to see what perfection is go to there house see there family be like them if I want to be perfect my reply was I'm not using god to hide from the thruth i m not the one with a guilty conscience I tried to confront them and they said I was crazy and made things up I guess nobody payes attention when that person shows up I leave and disappear and freak out I told them to not come around me and stay away from me but no one believes me but my girlfriend the more I tell that person to stay away from me they keep coming around and I'm afraid that I will hurt them if they continue to keep coming around I told my brothers but I think they don't believe me my dad said that I make things up I been silent for 22 years now I his is eatingvme up alive my mom passed away with the family together I have to deal with this person my family thinks I'm a jerk that I don't want to be together with them in this time this makes thing worse for me

I want to cry now because I have a similar experience. When I was around 6 my 2 older brothers and I shared a bed. My oldest brother used to pull down my panties and press his p**** on my buttocks. I was so scared and confused as to what he was doing. When I was older and had my own room he would sneak into my bed and do the same thing. When I was 11 he would give me snacks if he could bend me over just to watch. I never understood what he was really doing until I reached a certain age. I couldn't muster the courage to tell my parents. now at night the slightest noise wakes me up because I'm so terrified and scarred from what he did to me. He completely stopped for a while but then the family decided to go vacation at this resort. My brother got drunk and fingered me when I was sleeping. I was so scared. He then asked if I wanted to feel something better. I ran out the room and cried on the porch. After a few days he attempted suicide and I didn't know if he did that because he wanted me to forgive him. Somehow I mentally pretended that we were normal siblings. As I got older (I'm 20 now) I think he faked this suicide attempt so that I would forgive him and not tell my parents. Honest to god I ******* hate him but I pretend that we are good and nothing ever happened. I wish my parents knew so they could disown his disgusting ***. I'm haunted with this for the rest of my life.

When I was younger about 10 years old, my brother started sneeking in my room and touching me at night. I'm not exactly sure how long this went on for. I thought I was having horrible nightmares for the longest time until one morning I caught him walking out of my room and my pants were slightly down. I did tell my father after that I was 100% sure I wasn't just having nightmares but I was living in one , I found my mother dead when I was 5 so obviously I couldn't talk to her. Anyways my father didn't really want to believe me at first. It wasn't until after my brother grabbed me and forced my hands on his ******* thing, that my dad realized I wasn't lying. He realized this because my brother stayed in his room for about a week, cut himself, burned himself with cigarettes. My dad realized he was guilty and obviously very sick. This abuse happened for atleast 3 years, I was basically spending nights out on the streets, looking for anyone to hang out with just so I wouldn't have to be home. One day I thought I met a cool older guy who just wanted to drink and hang out. He even had his cousin and his cousins girl over so I thought I would be safe. Mind you even though I was about 13 at the time I drank alot of alcohol to ease the pain and I could drink pretty much anyone under the table. Anyways, there was something different about this drink he made me. Right after his cousin and his girl left I just started to feel weak, and not the strong can beat anyone's *** up drunk I normally am. Therefore this nasty dude raped me I remember saying no please stop, get off of me... Everything else was pretty much a blur. I remember he had to go to the bathroom and I started to get some strength back, so I ran and ran and ran until I got home. He did call back twice to make sure I knew that if I called the cops he would come after me and my family. I tried to kill myself that day, after being half dead and realizing I didn't want him to win, I went to the hospital. Guess what? They put my *** in a mental ward, didn't let me take a shower for a week and then when I did I found a used condom stuck in my vagina. I flushed it down the toilet, I was so distraught I wasn't thinking clear and I was terrified of what stds I might now have. Let's just put it like this, even after being molested by my brother and then being raped by a stranger.... I felt safer on the streets. I'd rather have a stranger rape me than my own ******* brother. My dad got my brother out of the house soon after, and now my dad has a great understanding of exactly everything that happened and he doesn't try to play peace maker between us anymore. I don't care if some one is family or not sexual abuse is wrong and you don't have to deal with it! The hardest thing for me was hiding everything for soo long. I burried everything deep inside just to have it explode. That's why I am here today to try to see what I can do for myself to get help I need it badly! I did actually find and amazing man who has his own problems, (don't we all.) But I've realized what has happened to me, has effected my whole life. I hid this from everyone I was scared what people would think. What I'm trying to say is if you hold it in and don't tell anyone and have this fake relationship with your brother/molestor you are only causing youself more damage. I was in a similar situation, faking that everything was great and nothing ever happened. Still to this day two people know about this my father and boyfriend. It's just a ****** up situation to be in.
Sorry this is soo long, I just need to vent. And if anything doesn't make sense it's 2am and I've been crying my eyes out for two days straight. I used to think I was being strong by keeping everything deep down and hiding for soo long, but it just made me weaker in the end.

You shouldn't hate your own brother especially since he was a kid when he did that and stopped hurting you, he hasn't done anything since so he changed you should let the hate go. If you tell your parents they might not believe you like most of these other girls' parents and you could be the one who gets disowned, talk to him and tell him how you feel you may be surprised that he will apologize and you could get some closure. He did attempt suicide after what he did to you because he felt guilty and regretted it but you want to believe he faked it just so you would forgive him and not tell, you want to vilify him and don't want to believe anything that makes you feel bad for him so you're convincing yourself that he was just manipulating you instead of your initial reaction that he truly was racked with guilt and you genuinely felt bad for him. Let the hate go and don't pretend actually be normal siblings with him, if you do it will stop you from being haunted with that and you will be able to live a regular life.

I honestly felt like I was reading my own memory's. My brother did the same and when I tried to tell my parent they didn't believe me and to this day I wish my brother was dead. I'm not mean I just hate him because he ruined my childhood. While kids stressed about middle school I thought I was a sick pervert and I felt disgusting because of it. I ended up telling my friend but she ended up dating my other brother. She didn't understand my problem with it but I hate them.

I understand you completely. I hate what my brother did to me. He ruined my perception of intimacy. I wish he never existed. I wish my parents knew what he did. I no longer trust men and I hate myself. I grew up with the idea that all guys want you for sex. I just cant take this life anymore. The fake smiles, I'm not a happy person.


I totally empathise with this. My story I quite like yours except I was 11 or 12 and my brother was 17. I used to pretend I was asleep too, I think because I was ashamed and I felt like it was my fault. When he molested me, I felt sick the whole time. After a few minutes of him touching me I wouldn't be able to bear and I would run out of his room crying. It went on for a few months and then he stopped. I wasn't scared of him but I was shocked, I love everyone in my family, but my memories of him now will all be tarnished and I still feel sick about it years later. He's never had many friends and used to struggle to fit in at school. He was also bullied, so I felt quite sorry for him,but was also at the same time trying to comprehend why he would do such a thing. I've never told anyone about it. And me and my brother have never spoken about it. I want to try and forget what happened but I know I never will. The memories haunt me.

I pretended to sleep too. I didn't really understand what he was doing since u was 6. I was confused, scared and I couldn't move. I didn't tell anyone. He continued doing this to me till I was 12. At that age I told him if he didn't stop I'll tell someone and then he told me that I was "brushing" up on him. WTFF He is mentally sick. He wanted me to take the blame for him sick actions. A few days later he "attempted" suicide. I think the only reason he did this is so I could feel sorry for him and forgive him and not tell my parents. However at that time I didn't realize that. Now I wish he was fu**ing dead. He is so sick and nasty. He ruined me. I no longer trust men.

You're a horrible person for wishing your own brother was dead, he obviously did attempt suicide because he felt guilty and regretted what he did but you hate him so much that you've convinced yourself he faked it just to make you feel sorry for him. You don't want to acknowledge that he really tried to kill himself because it does make you feel sorry for him and you forgave him so you lie to yourself that it was fake in order to hold on to your hatred of him, he didn't fake anything to make you feel sorry for him get over yourself it's not all about you.

I have never related so well to a situation in my whole life

xori dear but its your fault why did u pretend sleeping it look that u were also intrested

You are a damn idiot. If I could kill you through a post I would.

Shut up **** you're a ******* retard.

Clearly it's never happened to you Fuckwit, it's an act of Shock. That's like saying a person deserved to be raped because they wore a bikini to the beach. It's never anyone's fault. Please die painfully :)


1 More Response


Tell ur parents then enjoy his beating like i did XD

Oh My Dammit!!! My brother does stuff like that to me:( except we're close in age so i can overpower him easily XD

You should talk to your parents and tell them what he did. You shouldn't have to live in fear and you can't run away from your past. Don't let what happened ruin the rest of your life. Start working to gain back what he took from you: power, self-worth, the ability to love and trust, and so much more.

I can't say why older brothers so often violate the trust that should be there for their sisters, I can only say that I was terrably confused about what girls wanted, and was trying to expand on the one boy girl relationship that I had. It was a baddly thought out and wrongminded idea that I could have a closer relationship with my sister if we were sexually active together. That is exactly what happens in a commited marriage, where sex binds the couple closer, saddly I did not understand haw wrong those same actions would be felt by my sister. I have been deeply appologetic for many years now, We have both grown in our understanding of each other. She knows that there was never any alice on my part, and I know how wrong it felt for her even when she was participating, that she always felt coersed and obliged to let me do things to her rather than willingly joining me in excapades as I chose to believe at the time.<br />
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Healing and understanding is possible. I know that I never intended to harm my little sister.

I have been struggling with this all my life and I am 54 now. I finally only told because his son had a baby daughter and I was scared to death of them leaving him alone with her. Shocker! My parents thought well that happened when you were just kids, forget about it, its done. I never expected that reaction. Now I feel even worse!

I'm 20 and I wish my parents knew, but I just can't do it. I don't want to stress then out any further than they are.

reading your story I feel like I have typed it. We both have very alike stories to even the ages. I am also 17 and my brother is 23 now. My life is a secret mess because of what happened when I was a child. I struggle with it all the time. If you ever need anyone to vent with more I am here for you, even though I have no clue who you are. Don't blame yourself like I do, both of us had no control over it. I would like to discuss with you (or anyone) maybe venting will help. I do not want to go to a therapist so chatting with people might help.

Tell your brother you need to talk to him about it, ask him why. Trust me your brother is torn also. He probably realized how wrong he was for doing it and that's why he stopped. Either that or your parents spoke to him about it, which I doubt that would be the only reason. Do you love and care about your brother? Tell him that. Tell him you still love him after what he did. He was still going through puberty when he did it and was probably simply blinded by his hormones and desires. He probably wants you to love him as his brother and he probably loses sleep over it at night. I know I do... I wish I were dead sometimes.

I am 32 years old and this story was very similar to mine, except the fact that my brother was 8 years older than me. I was 8 he was 16. Last night I developed the courage to call one of my 2 older sisters and tell them. Not to my surprise they were also molested by my brother. They knew about each other, but since i am male they never thought it happened to me. At 16 is this still just puberty? Now at 40 has a gay 14 year old son who is home schooled and has had foster kids in and out of his home. I need advice

I can try to give you some advice, but I can't really say I know too much about you or your relationship with your brother. If your brother molested you, and your sisters at 16 and still continues to do so with without a single regret then I think you should come together and get your brother some help. When I say help I mean counseling. You need to get together with your sisters and have a sit down with your brother. I don't know how it has affected you or your siblings but it may take some weight off. If your brother is touching his foster children or his son, he may really need some help. If you have ever seen the television program "Intervention" you should do that with him but in private with your sisters. Be there for your brother. Don't hate him, he was a broken man and may still be. Give him a chance to explain himself and to open up. If you love him, show him you do by trying to help him. Let him know that you are there for him as his brother. It is very important to try to stay close to your siblings. You never know when they may be in serious need of help. I hope this helps some.

Girls stay strong, this is clearly very traumatic experience for all of you and if you ever need to talk im a psychologist so you can always talk to me... I would suggest to keep your distance and realise you have not done anything wrong to be disgusted of yourself, before confrinting him maybe confront your parents and let them know and if they dont do anything about it, you can confront your brothers ONLY if you are sure that there wont be any risks involved... Be careful of how they might react to your confrontation... Being molested at years old is clearly difficult to overcome and I am here if you need any help.

Is it molestation if he is 5 years older than you and you participated? It happened to me between the ages of 7-10. I liked it at the time but was also being molested by an uncle (from 3-11). Im so very confused about it

Yes it is!! You were so young, too young to realize that it was wrong! And if you did know it was wrong, you were probably deeply afraid of what may happen if you told! I was molested by two of my older brothers and my third brother knew about it and never said anything. They would come in my room as I slept and do things to me. My mom was a drug addict and of course never even noticed. It is not your fault. It wasn't my fault. It's not any of our faults. The person to blame is the perpetrator. But forgiveness is volatile to moving forward. Don't forgive for them but for yourself.

I would do the same thing i always pretended that i was alseep. my story is knida like yours but kinda not cause i use to never be scared. i ended up just getting us to it. i would like it and want it which sounds horriable. at least you never did that. cause now today i feel so freaking disgusting cause i would want it but i think just it happened so much and started young. im 18 and he is 21 and sometimes still tries. he lives in my house still also and im always like asking my parents sooo when is he gonna move out? or i will say make him go to college, you guys need to me more forcefull on him. He works at mcdonalds and has not gone to school and he is 21 im 18 in college, ill prob get a carreer before he does but i wish that would come faster, or he would just move out!<br />
I hope that you get out of your house, and if your stong enough i would confornt him, thats something i would like to do but i dont have the strength yet.

I enjoyed my molestation too. So don't feel so bad.

This story reminds me so much of my own. I feel for you and what your going through. I still suffer the effects of my brother and I'm fourty. He destroyed my life. Next month I'll be fourty-one and have never had sex because I remember the pain he caused me. I can't take a MRI because I can't stand confined places thanks to him. I remember when he was on top of me I couldn't breathe. I know it's not like that for everyone but that's how it was for me. Now I feel sorry for both of us.