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My Brother Molested Me

When i was 6 my brother started touching me. The first time was when me him & my other brother where in the back seat of the car on the way home from a trip & the other was asleep & my brother started touching me. I closed my eyes quickly to pretend i was asleep. I cant remember much of that night but i remember him him putting his hand down my parents & started fingering me! My brother was 12 at the time. My brother molested me for 6 years. Every time my parents would leave he would slowly start getting closer to me so i would just close my eyes & pretend i wasnt awake, i was always scared id be worse if i didnt pretend. I knew that he knew i wasnt but i was to scared to show it. He would put his hands down my pants & finger me & he would always try & put his **** in my mouth & most of the time i remember clenching my teeth together. I was young & i didnt know what he as doing but i was scared, i still am scared. I remember my mom making me go swimming with my brother & it was only us two & he would get closer i think i was about 10 but even in the water id pretend to be asleep & he pulled me close on his **** & he started putting his hands up my shirt, he said to me that he wanted me to have his baby. i swear i didnt sleep without crying for 2 weeks. I never wanted to be with my brother,look,talk,touch, or be seen with him. It got to where at night id tell my parents im having nightmares so i could sleep with them, think a 10 year old sleeping with her parents. My brother got caught doing something at school & got in so much trouble our parents had to ask me if my brother ever touched me in any wrong way.......& i lied. i was so scared to tell them the truth, i felt like they would be disappointed in me. After that he finally stopped but i never stopped being scared. Im 17 now & hes 23 & still everyday that passes im terrified to even see him. i try so hard to just forget about it & get over it but i cant & i want to so bad, I feel pain everyday!! My brother made me feel so worthless & disgusting, i started cutting. I went to rehab for it but i still want to everyday. My brother has been living with us again for the past 3 weeks & im terrified & i dont want to be no more. I dont know what to do. Im moving in 2 days to get away from my life here where i live to try to help me but i dont know if it will, but im so tired of being scared. i wanna confront him & ask him why? why his little sister? & how could he ever do that to me? but.....im to scared to. :(
MissingPages MissingPages 18-21, F 13 Responses Aug 21, 2010

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I totally empathise with this. My story I quite like yours except I was 11 or 12 and my brother was 17. I used to pretend I was asleep too, I think because I was ashamed and I felt like it was my fault. When he molested me, I felt sick the whole time. After a few minutes of him touching me I wouldn't be able to bear and I would run out of his room crying. It went on for a few months and then he stopped. I wasn't scared of him but I was shocked, I love everyone in my family, but my memories of him now will all be tarnished and I still feel sick about it years later. He's never had many friends and used to struggle to fit in at school. He was also bullied, so I felt quite sorry for him,but was also at the same time trying to comprehend why he would do such a thing. I've never told anyone about it. And me and my brother have never spoken about it. I want to try and forget what happened but I know I never will. The memories haunt me.

xori dear but its your fault why did u pretend sleeping it look that u were also intrested

:(

Tell ur parents then enjoy his beating like i did XD

Oh My Dammit!!! My brother does stuff like that to me:( except we're close in age so i can overpower him easily XD

You should talk to your parents and tell them what he did. You shouldn't have to live in fear and you can't run away from your past. Don't let what happened ruin the rest of your life. Start working to gain back what he took from you: power, self-worth, the ability to love and trust, and so much more.

I can't say why older brothers so often violate the trust that should be there for their sisters, I can only say that I was terrably confused about what girls wanted, and was trying to expand on the one boy girl relationship that I had. It was a baddly thought out and wrongminded idea that I could have a closer relationship with my sister if we were sexually active together. That is exactly what happens in a commited marriage, where sex binds the couple closer, saddly I did not understand haw wrong those same actions would be felt by my sister. I have been deeply appologetic for many years now, We have both grown in our understanding of each other. She knows that there was never any alice on my part, and I know how wrong it felt for her even when she was participating, that she always felt coersed and obliged to let me do things to her rather than willingly joining me in excapades as I chose to believe at the time.<br />
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Healing and understanding is possible. I know that I never intended to harm my little sister.

I have been struggling with this all my life and I am 54 now. I finally only told because his son had a baby daughter and I was scared to death of them leaving him alone with her. Shocker! My parents thought well that happened when you were just kids, forget about it, its done. I never expected that reaction. Now I feel even worse!

reading your story I feel like I have typed it. We both have very alike stories to even the ages. I am also 17 and my brother is 23 now. My life is a secret mess because of what happened when I was a child. I struggle with it all the time. If you ever need anyone to vent with more I am here for you, even though I have no clue who you are. Don't blame yourself like I do, both of us had no control over it. I would like to discuss with you (or anyone) maybe venting will help. I do not want to go to a therapist so chatting with people might help.

Tell your brother you need to talk to him about it, ask him why. Trust me your brother is torn also. He probably realized how wrong he was for doing it and that's why he stopped. Either that or your parents spoke to him about it, which I doubt that would be the only reason. Do you love and care about your brother? Tell him that. Tell him you still love him after what he did. He was still going through puberty when he did it and was probably simply blinded by his hormones and desires. He probably wants you to love him as his brother and he probably loses sleep over it at night. I know I do... I wish I were dead sometimes.

I am 32 years old and this story was very similar to mine, except the fact that my brother was 8 years older than me. I was 8 he was 16. Last night I developed the courage to call one of my 2 older sisters and tell them. Not to my surprise they were also molested by my brother. They knew about each other, but since i am male they never thought it happened to me. At 16 is this still just puberty? Now at 40 has a gay 14 year old son who is home schooled and has had foster kids in and out of his home. I need advice

I can try to give you some advice, but I can't really say I know too much about you or your relationship with your brother. If your brother molested you, and your sisters at 16 and still continues to do so with without a single regret then I think you should come together and get your brother some help. When I say help I mean counseling. You need to get together with your sisters and have a sit down with your brother. I don't know how it has affected you or your siblings but it may take some weight off. If your brother is touching his foster children or his son, he may really need some help. If you have ever seen the television program "Intervention" you should do that with him but in private with your sisters. Be there for your brother. Don't hate him, he was a broken man and may still be. Give him a chance to explain himself and to open up. If you love him, show him you do by trying to help him. Let him know that you are there for him as his brother. It is very important to try to stay close to your siblings. You never know when they may be in serious need of help. I hope this helps some.

Girls stay strong, this is clearly very traumatic experience for all of you and if you ever need to talk im a psychologist so you can always talk to me... I would suggest to keep your distance and realise you have not done anything wrong to be disgusted of yourself, before confrinting him maybe confront your parents and let them know and if they dont do anything about it, you can confront your brothers ONLY if you are sure that there wont be any risks involved... Be careful of how they might react to your confrontation... Being molested at years old is clearly difficult to overcome and I am here if you need any help.

I would do the same thing i always pretended that i was alseep. my story is knida like yours but kinda not cause i use to never be scared. i ended up just getting us to it. i would like it and want it which sounds horriable. at least you never did that. cause now today i feel so freaking disgusting cause i would want it but i think just it happened so much and started young. im 18 and he is 21 and sometimes still tries. he lives in my house still also and im always like asking my parents sooo when is he gonna move out? or i will say make him go to college, you guys need to me more forcefull on him. He works at mcdonalds and has not gone to school and he is 21 im 18 in college, ill prob get a carreer before he does but i wish that would come faster, or he would just move out!<br />
I hope that you get out of your house, and if your stong enough i would confornt him, thats something i would like to do but i dont have the strength yet.

I enjoyed my molestation too. So don't feel so bad.

This story reminds me so much of my own. I feel for you and what your going through. I still suffer the effects of my brother and I'm fourty. He destroyed my life. Next month I'll be fourty-one and have never had sex because I remember the pain he caused me. I can't take a MRI because I can't stand confined places thanks to him. I remember when he was on top of me I couldn't breathe. I know it's not like that for everyone but that's how it was for me. Now I feel sorry for both of us.