First Time

This is my first time ever admitting this..... to anyone.... I've been asked by many people if I'd been molested.  I've always wanted to scream YES but how do you then say it was one of my best friends..... my brother.  I'm not sure how old I was when it started or how long it even lasted, it's something I try not to think about ever. I was 10 maybe 11, in my head now, I was old enough to know better but what would have been the repercutions for him? Would my parents had sent him away? Would they look at me like I was dirty?  These are the things I constantly think of.  I wish I could be honest with someone about it, I'm a mess with guys and have no clue if it's because of this horrible thing that had happened to be as a kid.  Now I love my brother to death, he's still a great person in my eyes, and I don't hate him.... I have moments of anger but he's my brother and for some reason I do believe he feels bad.  I think this may have happened to him before it started to me.  I've always felt so weird about saying this out loud, what if people thought I was one of those nasty ****** families???? I'm not I do have a great family and I want to tell someone I just don't want people to hate him or think he's crazy... Is it weird that he's one of my best friends still and my molester... how does someone get over this??? I really need some guidence

keepontruckin keepontruckin
11 Responses Jun 25, 2008

Boring? Wtf.does that mean? No brother has a write to touch his sister.if their both grown and both consent.thats their business.even though its wrong.


My brother to, but i was told by him if i told my parents,They would not believe me over him. He was their star child good grades sports star, Still is! Unlike you I can't stand him, He thinks he's above everyone else. Sometimes I just want to say to his wife and kids and everyone in my family Mr. Wonderful molested me just to get it off my chest. My parent know now but if i brought it up they would no dought protect him and call me a lier, thats the kind off family i live in, I often wonder if he touched his own daughter. It's a ****** thing to live with makes ya feel like a piece of **** everyday. I know it would help me if my brother would admit and say sorry for his actions but to him and everyone he knows he's Mr wonderful so that will never happen.

Same thing happen to me. But my parents know I'm not lying. It's scary for me I'm still a teen he did it when I was in second or third grade. I try to forget but can't. My family doesn't talk about it. And I feel only because I have no one to talk to. I've cried and thought about a lot, I've even thought of telling my best-friend which I intend to because I HATE bottling it inside. I hope she believes me. :(

From your story, it sounds like your issue is more that you are brothers than what actually transpired between you. If I'm correct understand this, many siblings explore and experiment with each other. Yes it is "taboo", but not all that uncommon.

If the acts also bother you and you truly hold no malice towards your brother, why not discuss it with him, and then go to counseling with him to work through the issues. If you have the relationship I suspect you have with him, he may be willing to do this.

Than it happened a again to be. I give up on life.

I was 15 when my brother, who was 6 years older raped me. I was 5'2" 110lbs he was 6'0' 165lbs I kept telling my sisters and then my mom that he keeps comming into my room at night really drunk and high. Sometimes naked, asking me to massage him, I was freaked! He got me so drunk one night I passed out! I don't know if he drugged me or not but because I completely blacked out, I think he did! I only remembered that he came in and was very sweet and nice, which was very unusual because after he moved back home he tried to beat me most of the time. He acted like he was my Dad or something and hit me, spanked me with a belt, chased me around the hse and beat me when my mom wasn't home.<br />
Then at night he was very nice, too nice. When I woke up, I knew what had happened even though I had blacked out. I would not speak to him for years! And I could not speak to my mother either. I told her finally that he kept comming at me and I wanted it to stop! She promised me that she would make it stop, then he raped me! I ran away from home after that. I married some idiot twice my age because I though if some perv was going to get me then I would pick the perv!<br />
I have been in councilling on and off for years trying to recover! <br />
My brother came to me one night many years later after I had cut him and my mother off completely. He fell to his knees and begged my forgiveness. He acknowledged and admitted everything that he had done. He sobbed like a baby. He repeatedly asked for my forgiveness like I had never seen before. He told me that it was all because of the booze and drugs that he was on and that he never meant to do any of those things to me. He prayed and asked me to pray. He has never acted that way since that time. There is a distance between us that will never heal. I don't trust him regarding anything. But I now can be in the same room and sometimes forget what happened.

hey keepontruckin . it can all be very hard. being in the same room. trying to have normal conversations. when it should be so easy to talk to your family. i have come to learn that in most cases the other person, your brother, has blocked it out of their mind as much as you have. if not more. so the fact that you are taking this step to be open about it and want to understand is great!!! the anger is normal. it will be there. the best thing you can do is find a live group in your area. if you google it a bunch should come up. it is great to interact and talk with other people, live. to share in your type of experience. to hear others. there are no true answers. but finding understanding is huge.<br />
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i hope this helps a little. dont ever blame yourself. where you are is where you're ment to be. <br />
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much love,<br />

how are you a mess with guys?

I share in the same experience as you all. I was 3-5 when it was happening to me. I have tried to forgive my brother in my head, but cant fully. My relationships suffer because of this. I was taught what trust was, in a very negative way, and i feel it is hard for me to truly trust anyone i am in a relationship with. I am with the most beautiful girl ever. I have told her and she truly supports me and is there for me. We have such a beautiful relationship, but my trust issues stand in the way. Does anyone know of a number i can call to talk to a psychologist? This site is a great tool. It lets me see that i am not alone in this. Thank you all for sharing your stories. <br />
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Just want to be able to understand this and my life more...I'm over pushing people away.

I think you have already handled yourself quite well, it seems you have already forgiven, and that is the best thing to do. You still love him, and he is a great person in your eyes. That says it all. It is a great way to get it off your chest, so to speak, by telling someone here your story, but it seems to me, that you have already won most of the battle.

i agree with the comment above me. do not keep everything locked up in side it will do nothing but hurt you more. im not saying go tell everyone you have ever met about it but find someone that you trust and know will be there for you no matter what. And if they dont beleive you that doesnt mean you are wrong! you know what happened and you know it was real. some people will try to make you think that you are just making it up and that it never really happened but dont listen to them! t might be helpfull to talk to a proffessional. they are not all "looney doctors" they can really help you get through this. Dont look at yourself as a victim anymore. You are a survivor!!!!!you survived it and you are a better person!

my experience was very similar except i was alot younger about 3 or so, and I contimplated wether or not to tell any one, and i never did till last year(i am 21 this year) and i told m best friend and i was so scared she would judge me, but she didnt, she made me feel better. when i told another friend (who happened to be another brothers fiance, and i also had sexual interactions with this brother) she didnt bleive me (i only told her about the other brother not the one she is engaged to) she made me feel like i was lying. so in turn be careful who you tell because not every one will believe you. if it feels better maybe call the help phone in your area or talk to a psychologist, or confess to a preist. sometimes it just helps to tell someone.