Untold Details Of My Story

This is my second time writing on here.
Posting my first story has had a sort of therapeutic effect on me. So I will continue to post as the memories come back to me. They wont be in any kind of order, but they will be accurate. If you take the time to read this or any of my posts, Thank you and feel free to leave any questions or comments.

I have always been an avid animal lover as long as I can remember. With 6 kids though, my parents didn't have enough money or patience to throw a pet into the mix. As a result any critter unfortunate enough to be caught by me, became my new "pet".

My newest pet at this time was a small brown toad I named Hippity-Hop. (I was 8 at the time, not the most clever pet name)
One day I was carrying my toads small cage to the upstairs bathroom to clean. Before I could hurry in and close the door, Alex spotted me. With the rest of the family downstairs, I knew what was going to happen. He told me to put down my pet and waved me over to the bottom bed of the bunk bed. He put me on my hands and knees and positioned himself behind me. He pulled down my yellow shorts and panties, and began bumping grinding against my backside.
After a few moments, he pulled back a bit. Not wanting to look back, I stared ahead and waited. He pushed himself towards me again. Instantly I felt that he had pulled down his own shorts and underwear, and was now letting his bare erection rub between my naked thighs and backside.
I was shocked. I remember shutting my eyes and trying to think back to what cartoons I had watched that morning. The room was silent except for the squeaking metal bed frame, the sound of skin rubbing together, and Alex's heavy breathing.
Before very long, he finished. I was shaking as the mystery goo was running down my legs and onto my shorts. Alex got up and started playing his Nintendo 64 as though nothing unusual had just happened. I grabbed my little pet and ran downstairs then outside to our little swing bench under our avocado tree.

As I swung on the bench, I looked at my little pet and thought how he must feel just as trapped and scared as me. I quickly got up and let him go.

To this day, whenever I see a little brown toad I think of that time. I am reminded of how, even as an 8 year old little girl, I never wanted to be a person that would hurt others or be anything like Alex. It was a horrible way to learn that lesson, but I always kept that promise to myself.

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1 Response Dec 12, 2012

If you don't find a good counselor then this is going to drive you crazy.

Here are my thoughts about what may be going on in your mind. You may feel a certain guilt if you never told and that guilt is preventing you from ever resolving this.

My feeling is that you were an 8 year old who had to make a choice. You could submit or you could tell. If you told then he would no doubt be punished, perhaps severely. You choose to spare him the punishment and submit and that amounted to you taking pain in order to spare him. That shows me you are a very loving compassionate person who puts others ahead of herself. But there are extremes , talk with a consoler.