He Was Practicing

                               My name is Nick I am a male and my brother would get me alone and tell me he is practicing for his girl. Then the guy down the street also got me alone and it happened again my brother for years the other guy a few times. I never told a soul because my family is religious and terribly homophobic so I figured at the age of 6-9 that I would go to hell. I have to see my brother at times and I want to go at him with a knife but I hold it in.

                            I never knew how much it affected me until I got older. I just stopped going out and all ambition I have ceased. It was seeing my former friends starting relationships and moving on, but I realized I hate being touched and I have never been in a relationship and now at 24 I have no friends. I haven't been to a movie in 9 years. My time is spent watching TV, surfing and playing games. As I age I get more depressed and the thoughts of ending it all come creeping into my mind but I hold that back. I want to die but I really want to live really live.

                            I want to go out and have fun and party and drink and just see where the nights go. I have waisted my early twenties I still have time to have some fun. I have no Facebook because i have no friends not even the old ones that ship has sailed.

                             So when I finally said family I was molested I thought ok change is on the way but NO. My brother said it happend to him so it must have made him do it to me. Well I can say that I will never do what he did to me to someone else. Now he has a family and is out there in the world has friends I hate him!

                          Im Still here, still alone, still depressed and I still have a crippling fear of meeting people and going out. Why has it affected me so bad. I need to get over it, but I don't know how. I can't talk to a psychiatrist because Im shy as hell im timid completely submissive and when I do go to the store all I can think is gotta get home gotta get home......

                            I do not take photos because I don't like looking at my self I have alot of issues to get over. I just don't know if I can do it.



                                               

Natemares Natemares
31-35, M
7 Responses Feb 18, 2010

I don't no how you feel personally, but molestation has been in my family, and if it was up to me my grandfather would not be walking amount us, mate everyone needs to have friends, and nothing should get in the way of that, I've had friends/cousins that have harmed themselves just because of what happen to them at home, I WISH I WAS A BETTER FRIEND TO THEM I miss them dearly. So nowadays if your my friend and you need a helping hand YOU GET IT!

I don't really know how to work this site. But you can message me if you'd like... I'm sure I would get a notification. What we talk about can be about anything (movies, TV shows, places, houses, technology, art, social networking sites, music, etc.) ... Not only would this be a great opportunity for you to make a new friend, it would help me make a new friend. I don't have any either. But only because I'm a shut in and I'm too afraid of everything.

I'll be your friend.

jesus is the answer

I think we are so much alike.......i like ur story i can relate.

I understand where you are coming from. I feel depresssed for the same reasons. I don't have many friends, I don't know how to meet people or I am am scared to death of them, I want a normal happy life, I want a family, I want to have a family. I don't want to be alone.

I know how you feel. I also have a lot of issues to get over, not as many, but about wasting your time and everything. Talk to your brother, seek his assistance. If you want, I can try to help you. Go after you old friends. Find a friend who will reacostumate you to the touch. I am also not used to it. I also want to die a lot, but wish I could live... We could chat if you wanted to.