Help..i Don't Know How Long I Can Deal With This..

i was 8..that's when he, my cousin molested me..i'm19 right now.. my parents were nice enough to let him stay in our house so that he can continue his studies but that idiot had no sense of gratefulnes..instead he took away the innocence in me..one day i woke up to him being on top of me doing disgusting stuff on me..he would put me on his down part and make me do stuff there..he would make me lick his dirty disgusting foot..he would forcefully kiss me like putting his tongue into my mouth and i would desperately try to close my teeth hard together so that in wouldn't touch my tongue..but he continued doing this on me..how i hate him for that..i wish he would vanish away somewhere because i have to meet him from time to time.. my parents think he's great.. in fact they think he is a good role model as he potrays this really good,responsible family person image..i feel so loathed when i see him..i try to tell my parents.. but i'm too afraid of the consequences..its just too scary.. besides my mum suffers from depression..what if she feels responsible for what happened and becomes even more depressed.. there are many people who suffer from this and yet i still feel so alone in my struggles..i haven't told anyone about this..i am always depressed and cry an awful lot from this..sometimes i just can't control myself and would start tearing up in front of my family members..they would ask me and i would quickly sat that something entered my eyes.. my self esteem is terrible after what happened.. i's so ashamed of what happened that i have trouble talking to my own parents.. i feel like a hipocrite seeming like an innocent child in front of them when i'm not..to this day i find it hard to look into their eyes and talk normally..i guess i just feel very ashamed from what happened..it stopped because he's not living with us anymore but the pain and shame never leaves me.. i know i need help but how i just do not know..my only hope is to tell my brother..he's away now studying abroad.. he will be back in a month time.. i tried to tell him the last time he came but i failed..i'm going to try again..i just don't know how i'm going to gain the strenght to tell him when the time comes..i'm really, really scared..
deleted deleted
26-30
5 Responses Aug 8, 2010

Sorry Akka... I am not that aged person to advice you... But, U should have told it to ur Mother... Yes, it will hurt... But, u see, parents are the only friends U can trust in ur entire life... They are the one who take care of u from ur Birth till their Death.... U are believe in God... so he will take care of u... and I am also your Brother.... so don't worry.... I AM COMING....

ya ya.. u too r right.. but, how long we can be like this..? Why should we let tht idiotic creeps to do such nonsense things to others..? we should stop them... sry dude.. i had no way... tht's why i mentioned abt parents there

Oh my god you we get brother!!!!! You really should have been there for her.

no.. i was her EP friend and became her brother! but now i miss her a lot!! :'( plz come back sis.. u know how much i cried for u that day? :'(

The same thing happened to me. I went to a counselor. It helps. Since no one else would help me, I helped myself. You can do this. If you were strong enough to come this far, you're definitely strong enough to tell someone. He doesn't deserve to get away with it. He might molest others. Be brave.

"HE TOOK AWAY THE INNOCENCE IN ME" you write, and he had and has no right. That calls for outright punishment and you have no reason to carry the damage through your life. <br />
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"MY PARENTS THINK HE'S GREAT" you write and that is because he is portraying the wrong front to them. Do not nurture that wrong front. It must be corrected or someone else will become a victim.<br />
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"BUT I AM TOO AFRAID OF THE CONSEQUENCES" you write. Why should you or someone else is going to experience bad consequences of your silence. ( we do not know how many already traumatised)<br />
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"my mum suffers from depression" " i still feel so alone in my struggles" "i haven't told anyone about this" "I am always depressed and cry an awful lot from this", "I just can't control myself and would start tearing up in front of my family members" ...................................................<br />
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You have so much locked up within you and it erupts in tears and emotional outbursts. What happened at age 8 is disturbing you now at 18-21. Find an aunt or a female social counsellor and POUR IT ALL OUT. You will be better when you have ventilated to the person you trust.

hey keep your head up i to was molested i told a close friend but never my family even if u dont tell your mother find someone u trust with it an tell them it made me feel better that at least someone the wrong that had been done to me.

I'm sorry this happened to you. It's nice to know you have the courage to talk about it and the courage to carry on from day to day. My sister was molested by an uncle and one day that man is going to pay for his actions. He doesnt remember who I am but I will be the last thing he sees. It makes me angry thinking about him. But anyways if he was little he may have changed but if he was like older than you by many years he may still be messed up but he is regardless. Courage is a virtue and we all have it.