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Please Help Me.please.

I was molested as a young child,very young about 3 years of age.I don't recall exactly how old I was because I was that young.However I guess age 3 because I wasn't able to speak very well when this all happened.I tried to tell but no one would understand me since I was crying hysterically and didn't know many words.The people I told who were my sister and my other cousin both females thought he just played roughly with me or took a toy and dismissed my cry and told him to leave me alone.It happened many times at his house. He would lay on top of me and dry hump me for long periods of time,once he tried to make me give him oral.I didn't for some reason.He would tell me things like that i was his girlfriend and he was my boyfriend.This traumatized me and messed up my mind so much you guys have no idea.I know society makes it a huge deal when women are molested or raped as girls but it's so unfair that when it comes to us men we get no sympathy at all whatsoever it's like a "too bad get over it" kind of attitude. I am a male who was molested by another male, and no one understands that unless they themselves have been through it.I hope someone here reads this and can talk to me because I am literally going crazy.I am 20 years old now and I feel so worthless.I am addicted to sex with men,and I am always the receptor or bottom.I am so confused,I act so feminine bu yet I am a man.I have such difficulty acknowledging myself as a man I am so scared and intimidated of other men,I fear they will all hurt me and if not they will touch me.I feel everyman wants to have sex with me and 10 out of 10 times they do.I am so afraid that my own family sometimes wants to have sex with me.I feel so worthless as a man I don't feel like a man at all but I don't feel like a girl either, I feel like nothing.My cousin now is one of those homophobic kind of guys and hates gay men but yet when no one is around I know he has sex with me because of what he did to me, a lot of men do things with other men on the downlow then try to show off infront of theyre girlfriends how manly they are by putting the same guys they have sex with down its so unfair its total bias and it needs to end.We are all men and some of us try to not be by transitioning into looking like women but we are men who just can't handle the self-hatred in this world.We don't want to die but it seems like if we are ourselves we will so we hide it and this cycle continues.It's lie or die and I'm tired of lying if I die I know I will die with dignity and respect because I am me.
thedayviid thedayviid 18-21 19 Responses Feb 16, 2011

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The only way you are going to feel relief for yourself is by putting that guy in prison

What happened to you was not love.. it is a result of sin entering this world.. without God we go on our own feelings as ur cousin did .... I am sorry this happened to you.. I hope you can find a way to heal soon. lots of love and prayers your way. <3

Still around?

i can feel your sadness + hope you're still alive + found a support group

For all of Those who have been hurt by Family members and siblings and other people I am A counselor for the Lord My dear love ones I am Here if you want help and some one to talk to i can help you get relief from this palate that torments you in your mind

Kid Let My Father and Savior Help you through me

first you do not become gay because a male raped you. If you are gay or bi it's because you are. Like you eyes are brown or blue etc. Don't listen to all the negative crap talk to a counselor or someone from the boys national hotline if you are in America if you are over 18 go to California Sacramento or San Francisco you said you don't feel like male or female that is called gender neutral you need to be in a supportive environment to figure out who you are. You should work through these feelings you have with a counselor there is no shame in your feelings because they are yours. There are a lot of support groups that can help you I don't know where you are but look under PRIDE and there should be some place you can get help. Do not let anyone bully you get help right away so you can be happy. :) It will be ok feel free to email me if you need more help finding resources or you just want to talk

Get some professional help and fast. I know form personal experience that these things bore their way into every aspect of life.... I have an uncle that was raped by the family doctor between the ages of 3-4. This happened to a lot of kids in the same age group and the doctor died before prosecution. The effects were devastating to our uncles life in terms of trust, personal connection of any nature, and intimacy.



Please remember that no kid that young ever invites such behavior, can process the physical and mental aspects of the act, can articulate what happened, and generally blacks it out as means to cope. My uncle was a teen before he admitted that anything happened and by that time the doctor was under investigation but, later died in an auto accident. For my uncle the death of this man or the conviction (if it took place) was of no comfort. He had no one to talk with about his state of mind back in the 70's. He just became more and more secluded in life.



Not that everyone fits nicely in the same box from such an experience. I just don't wish his pain on anyone else. I wish you the best in everything of life.

I am literally in the exact boat as you like literally. I was molested when I was 3 til about 5 and it was my moms beat friends son. And now I'm 19 and I am the same way with men, I bottom for them and let them have their way because I feel like that's what I'm supposed to do. I'm so incredibly lost in the past 16 years there hasn't been a day that I haven't thought about the whole experience. I've told people but a majority of them don't believe me

Lonelykidd,
I am a mother who's son was also molested by what was then my best friends son. He did not alert us until he was 17 that he had been molested at such a young age and I begged him to get help. He is now heading to prison because the damage to his spirit has run so deep that all he can do is run, run from him self yet there is no where to go, drugs and more drugs to bury his shame and guilt and still there is no where to go no way for him to abandon his feelings. I want to scream for the entire world what has been done to my son and how the "SILENCE" continues this cycle, I feel no one listens, but this I tell you I BELIEVE YOU.

Even those this post is old i will still comment, if he has not done it to you in a long time but you know for a fact he did it then kill him, or if you arent willing to kill someone who messed up your life then press charges of him molesting you and tramatising u, get some hard proof first though. good luck

Hey, man.



You have my deepest condolences. Being a man in this situation is harder than people seem to think.



I wish we had the answers to give you; I wish we could tell you exactly what to do to heal your heart, but we can't. Only you can find this for yourself. Good luck. We love you, and we all hope you find peace.



And, as one gay man to another (or bi, I dunno), it is perfectly fine. Is it because of the abuse? I don't know. I've been asking myself that for a long time. But, really, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you are who you are. Be proud of yourself. Never be ashamed. If anyone tries to make you ashamed of who you are, you have my full permission to run over their penis with a riding-mower. Okay? :)



So, do whatever the f*** you want to, alright?



I hope you'll forgive me for saying this, since I don't actually know you, but: "I'm really proud of you for staying with it during this trauma, and I am honored that you chose to share your story with us."

As a male I have my personal experiences and for some time I was very uncomfortable being alone with any male due to my past history. There is deliverance for you too brother but you must know and understand the Truth of who you are and why you experienced what you have.

the same thing happened to me. i was molested by my cousin when i was 3 or 4 years old. it happened several times. i never told anyone in my family. im scared guys are gonna take advantage of me now,

Jesus truly can help you! I agree with "theresawalkjesus09" The guy above was not a victim and doesn't understand, he messed with a "younger brother" . I hate it when people who are or were abusive think they have all the answers to people who have been abused!! They end up hurting the people more. His issue is with God, He is angry at God for some reason. To Him, I say You have a wrong understanding of who God is, that is why you detest Him, If "redzinger1" only knew how much God loved him!!

People who haven't been abused don't have a clue when it comes to abuse!! Trust me I've tried to talk to them about it!! There are many Christian organizations who are able to help people like yourself deal with your past, and change.

I have been through similar stuff to you and totally understand the feelings you have. That need you have to be satisfied from other men can be satisfied through a relationship with God. If you honestly and in sincerity ask God to bring somebody or ministry into your life to help you, God will answer your prayer!! I've had prayers like that answered!! God doesn't hate anyone, We all have sin! And as we follow God closer and closer, our sins will be less and less! Hope that helps, -JUNO

how ignorant does that all-caps bible ranting look huh. "only god can do dat" LOL shows you what level of intellect she wants to reach, doesn't it. And she even trots out that old "adam and steve" chestnut. What an ignorant superior-attitude *****. I find it really hard to believe everything happens for a reason -- that's a defeatist attitude. And phuck being washed in the precious blood of anything. If that's salvation, ****,, you can keep it. so forget her.



Thank you for sharing your story. If you want a real man's sympathetic ear, message me back and we'll discuss. Thanks for reading this. Please ignore the jesus *****, she has no real answers for you.

HEY GOG BLESS I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU AND THAT IM NOT HERE TO JUDGE YOU BUT IM HERE TO MINISTER TO YOU AS A WOMAN OF GOD I DO FEEL YOU IM SO HURT AND GRIEF ABOUT YOUR STORY BUT I SENSE AND FEEL THAT YOU ARE A SURVIOR AND THAT EVERYTHING THAT WE GO THROUGH AND EXPERIENCE IS FOR A REASON SOMETIMES ITS TO HELP THE NEXT PERSON THAT COMES ALONG IN OUR LIVES WH HAVE EXPERIENCE THE SAME THING THAT WE HAVE AND WHO HAD TO GO THROUGH THE SAME THING THAT WE EXPERIENCE I FELL YOUR PAIN BUT LISTEN TO ME GOD IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN TRULY HELP YOU HEAL FROM YOUR PAST IM SO SORRY ABOUT WAT HAPPEN TO YOU YES YOU NEED TO SEEK SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP BUT ITS HEALING AND DELIVERANCE THA YOU NEED MY FRIEND AND ONLY GOD CAN DO DAT HE CAN WASH AWAY EVERY THOUGHT AND ALL YOUR UNGODLY DESIRES BECUZ SEE ITS NOT YOUR FAULT SO PLEASE DO BLAME YOURSELF.GOD CREATED ADAM AND EVE MY FRIEND NOT ADAM AND STEVE SO THE DEVIL WANTS YOU TO DESIRE MEN THE DEVIL IS A LIAR HE IS OUR ENEMY AND HE WANTS US TO FOLLOW AFTER HIS WICKEDNESS N HIS UNGODLINESS WELL I PRAY THAT I HAVE SAID SOMETHING TO HELP YOU N I PRAY RIGHT NOW FOR YOUR MIND I COVER YOUR MIND,EMOTIONS,AND YOUR DESRIES ALL IN THE PRECIOUS BLOOD OF JESUS GOD BLESS I LOVE YOU BUT JESUS LOVES YOU MORE TAKE CARE STAY STRONG YOU ARE A WARRIOR AND YOU HAVE A CALLIN ON YOUR LIFE SO ALL THAT YOU HAVE ENCOUTER AND EXPERIENCE ITS ALL GOIN TO BE APART OF YOUR TESTIMONY N 4 THE GLORY OF GOD

I am with you bro, but most of what it is is what you make it out to be. I was not 3, but 10; not by a cousin, but by older neighborhood boys who were jealous of my older brother. They tormented me for five years, then lured me into a hot garage attic by being super manipulative-nice, showing me pics of girls sucking **** and enticing me to do that to them.



It was actually a much less painful day than the previous five years, so I view it as a day of closure. What has happened since then is, anytime I suffered any type of pain, I found myself desiring something in my mouth to suck on, bringing me closure much like it did when I was 10. I fought the shame and humiliation. I couldn't help but watch other boys in the shower after gym class or swim team practice. I imitated what a boy was to be as bets I could, having girlfriends, etc, but I had feminine side too. The girlfriends that I had were attracted to that in me and enabled it, by letting me wear their panties and coaxing me to shave my legs and pubic hairs. I found that the more that I fought it, the more I suffered. It took twenty years to come to terms with my sexuality, and I find that I actually think of it less. I would be lying if I said that I don't think about having a **** in my mouth. I would be lying if I said that I don't ever want to suck **** again.



If you are always on bottom and you want to be on top, then you must think like women think, that men want something we have. If they want it, make them want it. Take control, and when you stop letting them push you around, you'll have them wrapped around your pinky finger. You'll also probably find that they don't come around as often.



It's okay to be the person that you are, regardless of what happened. it doesn't matter what other people are doing. The world is full of hypocrits. don't worry about them, but think about how you are going to take control foy our life. Don't say you can't, because you can. You'll never stop thinking or desiring having sex with men, but you can control whether or not that happens, and who with. There are good bisexual men out there, like you, like me, who don't take. I have fun with my sexuality, with or without my girlfriend.



Take control of your life by saying no to those who do not respect you...

I'm sorry you had to through this alone; not even your parents tried or figure out what's wrong. I think you should stay away from your cousin; maybe move to another city. it will be a good idea to see a professional and talk through your feelings and what you've been through, and how it's making you feel around other men. the professional might give you perspective on how to deal with it.

There is a double standard. Don't let it get you down. Get some professional help. Fast.