My Molestation RecollectionI was born in Georgia and moved to Wisconsin with my brothers father when I was two. My mom had to work and so did my stepfather. Mom had asked around Milwaukee and found a neighborhood teenage boy that had a good reputation with watching kids. Well as it turns out he molested me and some of the other kids. I was too young to remember it ever happened but my mother told me that we went to court and he was sent away. We later moved to Georgia where I lived with my grandmother. My mother left my stepfather and started going to nursing school. My cousin whom I called my uncle because my grandmother adopted her daughters kid. He would sneak through the hallway past my grandmothers room and into my brothers and mine. He would whisper "Be Quiet" or you are going to get into trouble. So I always did. He would take me into his room and lock his door. Then he would take my clothes off and make me take his off piece by piece. Then he would tell me he loved me and that this was our game, nobody else could play and it was a secret. That we couldn't play the game and get prizes if I told. I believed him. I got prizes at school. He would get the lotion from under his bed and he would make me put it on his penis until it got hard. He said that is how you massage me and then he would say now it is your turn. He would rub the lotion between my legs and get on top of me. He would then thrust his hips and slide his penis between my legs. He would go faster and faster each time. I guess he knew that I would have screamed out because he never penetrated. He tried once but I screamed out and he said you almost lost the game. I told him that it wasn't fair because he never lost any of the games. When he came he said this goes in your mouth and this is how you win the game. I always told him that I didn't like the game because it was messy, so he started giving me "prizes". He would make a special trip to the store and get me my favorite candy bar. He continued the same routine for months. Then, one day he decided that we should play a new game. This time I had to put his penis in my mouth and lick it and play with his balls until I had won the prize. He told me his balls were how the game was started and that it was my turn to start the game. The whole time I did that he would touch and suckle my breasts with one hand and then he would use the other to rub between my legs. He soon grew tired of that game and created a new one with better prizes. I had to get his lotion and move my hand up and down on his penis while he licked between my legs and kissed me. I had to kiss him with my tongue and then lick his balls and penis. He liked that game the most. He decided that he would add another part to the game. I told him I did not like the game anymore and that I would play it with someone else because I wanted a better prize. He started giving me money which I used at school for activity period. We would buy candy, drinks, and pizza. I came home from school one day and grandma was working late. My brother was sick so he stayed with my moms friend. I came home all alone to him. That day he took my clothes off throughout the house and he sat me on the sink and spread my legs and licked between them and he rubbed it with his finger. He said look at my shorts "you made it happy". I didn't exactly know what it was but I thought it was part of the game. He picked me up off of the sink and told me to take off his shorts to see it. I did and then he nudged my head down there and said give it a kiss. I did and then he said open your mouth and put it in there and lick all around it. He came once and he waited awhile. Then he took me into the living room and placed me on the couch. He said "wait here". He came back with his lotion. I knew which part of the game was next so I opened my legs but this time he sat down and sat me on top of him and told me that I was to hold my legs together and he would pick me up. He said that if my legs came apart that I would lose the game and that I didn
t want to lose today's game because it had the best prize of all. So he picked me up and down and up again until he said okay time to let go. He said now you have to put it in your mouth again. After I did that and he came he said come on lets go to my room and bring my lotion. I followed behind him to his bed where he took off his shirt and his socks. I handed him his lotion and he put it beside his bed. He said get up here we have to finish the game. I climbed on his bed and he layed me on my back and started licking between my legs he said this might hurt but this is how the game is played. He rubbed it with his finger and after a long time he licked it some more and put lotion in between my legs and then he thrust his finger inside of me and pushed it in and pulled it out many times before he decided that I had had enough. He said that if I kept crying that I would lose the game and he would be mad at me so I stopped crying. He picked me up and went into the bathroom with me he said it is time to get clean. I was so happy because I hated having lotion on me. He ran the water in the tub and told me to sit there and watch it and let him know when it was full. So I watched. He came back with some clothes for me and some clothes for him. He sat me in the water and gave me a washcloth and then he got in. He poured the soap on my washcloth and said wipe between your legs, I remember that it burned and I shed a few tears but I kept myself from crying because I remembered what he had said. He made me wash him and then I had to kiss him and tell him "Good Job Uncle Benjamin". We got out of the bathtub and he gave me a towel to dry off and he did the same. He helped me with my clothes and he said kiss it goodbye. I did and he took me into the living room and said Don't tell anyone about this game. He turned on the television and I watched cartoons until my grandmother made it home with my brother. She cooked dinner like usual and everything was normal. Benjamin came back with some new clothes for me and some for my brother. He said that mine was for my prize and that grandma had gotten my brother his clothes. I was happy because before I went to school the next day he gave me some money for activity period. He played his latest game whenever he had time for it and slipped up only once. It was late at night and he came into my room and told me to get up and come with him and he heard a noise so he told me to go back to bed and count to some number. I was in the lower grades at school and so I was excited that I was asked to count and so I did really quickly. Before I could get to the number he had given me he returned and carried me through the hallway. He put me in his bed and went into the kitchen to check on something. He came back and seemed satisfied. So he took his clothes off and mine too. He was in a hurry because he said that a man was coming to check on him to see if he had been being bad. It was his Parole Officer coming to **** test him. We finished the usual game and before I could put my clothes on I heard grandma. He said run to the bathroom and handed me my clothes. I ran to the bathroom which was in the hallway next to grandmas room and I almost knocked her down. I ran into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. She came in their and said are you alright. I told her that I had to use the bathroom. She didn't even ask me why I almost knocked her down or why I smelt like sweat and lotion. So She told me to get back into bed. She then went to bed. He came back sometime before it was time to get up for school and gave me some money and candy. He said you did a good job. I am proud of you. I remember being so happy. He continued until I moved to another county that was a better job opportunity for my mom.
It was over. My mom used to take us to this farm where one of her friends was and we used to spend the night there sometimes. My moms friend had a son named Weldon and he was just like my uncle. Except he was really fat. He had a computer in their living room and he used to let me play games on it. I thought it was the coolest thing ever.His mom used to bake cakes and give me treats and she was the coolest friend I had made. To this day I still believe she had no knowledge of any of the abuse. One day my mom and her friend and her husband went out to the ocean to fish for crabs. That is when it all started. I was sitting on the couch playing on his computer while he was watching t.v. and we was up under his cover. I started to feel the couch shake so I turned my head to look at him and see what he was doing and he was playing with his penis. He said do you want to play with it. I told him that I was playing the computer game. He said well when you decide to play with it I will give you some candy. I then decided to play with it. He said wait here and he went and got his lotion and put it on his penis. He squirted some in my hands and said now rub it on my ****. I didn't know what he was talking about. He showed me. So I did that for a few minutes and then he put his hand into my panties and started rubbing his fingers between my legs. He said do you like that? I said I guess. He said say that you like it or I am going to be mad and tell my mom and she won't be friends with your mom. So I told him that I liked it and he made me tell him how much and I had to call him baby and kiss him. He said put my **** into your mouth and move up and down on it and play with my balls. So I did. I squished one too hard though and he got mad. He said I won't tell on you this time but if you do it again I will. He said I am going to stick my finger in your *****. I looked at him weird and he said that is where you pee from. I asked him why he wanted to do that because pee would get on him. He said I have practiced before and it won't get on me. So he stuck his finger in between my legs and moved it in and out for a while and then he put it in his mouth. He said that's nice. I asked him why it was nice and he said because it is. He said now kiss me and tell me that you love me. He sat me on his lap and pinched my ***. He said you can't tell your mom or she will get mad at you for making her lose her friend. So I never said a word. That went on for a couple of months. He got so brave that one time he said sit really still and don't say anything. He said you can play on the computer but you have to be quiet. My mom was sitting in front of us on another couch. The grown ups were watching a movie and my brother was in another room asleep and so I stayed on the computer.I felt his hand reach into my pants and he started rubbing on my "*****", right in front of my mom. He then took my other hand and started rubbing it on his penis. After a while he stopped that and whispered for me to keep playing the computer. He got up and went to the bathroom where he must have jacked off because it took him a long time. He was so sneaky. It had been maybe a week and I was left for him to babysit along with my brother. He let my brother play on the computer and watch t.v. while I went in his room to "help him clean". He took my clothes off and pulled his shorts down and sat me on his lap. He reached beside the bed and grabbed his lotion and rubbed it in between my nipples and between my legs. He told me to grab his **** and slide my hands on it really fast but be careful because if I messed up that it would hurt him and he would tell his mom not to be friends with my mom. I did it exactly like he wanted. He put some more lotion in between my legs and he said open your legs and be quiet this might hurt. I knew what was coming, I had played this game before. He stuck his finger in between my legs and he said you keep rubbing my ****. So he made the weirdest noise I had ever heard and so I stopped. He said keep going and I asked him if he was sick and he got mad and slapped me. I didn't know that what he was doing was what a sick person does. After I stopped crying I asked him if he was okay and he said you hurt my feelings. I told him that when he made that noise that I thought he had gotten sick. He had this look on his face that made me feel like he felt bad about slapping me. He said I am sorry that I hit you. I thought you said something else. That was it. I had made him mad and I thought for sure my mom would be mad because she lost her friend. Turns out he wasn't mad and he said it wasn't your fault that I thought you had said something else. About that time my brother came knocking on the door and said I'm hungry. So Weldon said don't come in I am in front of the door and you will hit me if you open it. I will be out in a little bit. So I heard his feet pitter patter across the floor. He said put your clothes on and go to the bathroom. I did as I was told. He came in their and washed me off and then put my clothes on and sent me out. He said I have to wash my hands so I can fix lunch. After that day. We stopped going over there as much and he didn't do anything else to me. I found out a few years ago that he died. Now he won't have to worry about me. He is off of the list.
It was over again. Mama moved us to another county and married a crippled man in a wheelchair. I knew he could never play any of the games I was used to. He wanted to touch my breasts all of the time but I wouldn't let him. He looked weird. His hands were twisted and he couldn't really move his fingers much. I was in a higher grade in school and I had learned about "good touch" "bad touch". I knew that the games I had played and what the teachers said was bad was the same thing. I didn't tell anyone. I made many friends in that school and my mom had a good job. I felt for once I could hang out with other kids and play with them. We stayed there for a long time and then things started going downhill. We moved back to where my grandma lived and I was there once again. He was gone, to bootcamp. I was there for a long time before he got out and he moved back in. The first day he came back and saw me he was so happy. He hugged me and kissed me on my cheek and said he missed and loved me. He came into my room that night and say come with me I have to talk to you. It was different from how it had been so I followed him. He took me into his bedroom and told me we could play the games again. I told him that those were not games and that my teacher told everyone that a grown up is not supposed to touch your "no" "no's". He looked so mad when I told him that. He said well now you know and you are going to play the games or I will kill you mom and Dustin (my brother). I loved them very much back then and so I told him that I would play his games. He said and by the way, you get no prize. He said I am not going back to boot camp. I got used to him coming into my room and getting me that I was ready for him when he opened the door. I took my clothes off and his too. I went to his dresser drawer where he now kept his lotion. I rubbed it on me and him. He rarely had to tell me anything. I knew exactly what to do. He talked dirty to me this time. He said put my **** in your mouth and suck it and look up at me when you do it. He said with one of your hands play with my balls and with your other hand slide your finger in between your ***** lips. He said now lay on your stomach and he put lotion on me and his penis and said don't say anything or your mom will die. He slid his penis up and down my back and then he slid it between my butt cheeks and started sliding it in and out really quickly. He said if you be still I will nut for you. I didn't know what he meant but I stayed still anyways. He came and then he said go to the bathroom and wash yourself off, you are nasty. I did as I was told. He did this for a long time each time he took a little longer and was a little meaner than the time before. That went on for a couple of months. Then my cousin was born and my mom was getting a divorce from her husband. Benjamin took me to my cousin's house which was behind my grandma's and took me into my cousin's room and layed me down on the floor and said Did Randy ever touch you here? I told him that Randy had never touched me like he had. He said you shut your mouth and I told him no. He unzipped his pants and stuck his penis in my mouth and said can you talk now. I mumbled no. He said keep it that way or I will kill your mom while you are at school. I finished sucking on it and he fingered me. He then got up and told me to go to the bathroom and wash up. I passed my brother watching t.v. in the living room on the way to the bathroom. I was grateful that he didn't have to be a part of it. He continued his routine at my grandmother's house until my mom told us that we were moving to town. I was so happy because I knew he couldn't bother me anymore. I was almost right. He helped my mom move some of her appliances into our new house. He made me suck his **** on the way. With his other hand free he fingered me and made me taste it. We got to our house that I currently live in and I knew it was over. He has never bothered me again.
My mom worked at the nursing home and became close with a patient whom asked her to talk to some of her relatives. I went with her to their house and recognized one of my friends from school. Mama talked to his papa (Huey) and told him about the old lady that wanted them to come and visit. We started to leave and were invited to stay for dinner. My mom and I were both hungry so she agreed. The relationship with these people grew stronger and I spent most of my summer there. I had my friend from school that lived there and my other friends from school just up the road. Huey looked like an honest man but he was an alcoholic. My mom was helping Huey's wife cook and she ran out of sugar for the tea. He specifically asked if I wanted to go to the store one time and I agreed. He was always nice to me and my friend Jimmy. We went to the store and got some sugar, beer, and candy and headed back to his house. He stopped along the way on an old dirt path because he said he had to pee. He walked around the truck and did his business in the woods. Then he walked around to my side and got a beer, opened it up and drank some. He asked if I wanted one and I said no but I would like some candy. He reached in his pocket to get the candy and I noticed his pants were still unzipped so I told him. He handed me the candy and then unbuttoned them and pulled out his erect penis and said here try this. I said that is disgusting. He grabbed me by the arm and snatched down my shorts and started kissing me. I fought back but he was a huge man. He started trying to penetrate me and his penis was so big that it wouldn't go in. He was trying again when we saw car lights coming down the road. He pulled his pants up and told me to pull mine up. So I did and we went back to the house. I acted as if everything was normal. Sad to say but I knew the protocol. It went on weeks before he tried anything else. I was laying on his couch and everyone else had went to the pond to swim. I wasn't feeling well so I stayed behind. He came onto the couch with me and started touching my breasts and kissing me and he stuck my hand down his pants and told me to play with it. I don't know what changed his mind but all of the sudden he stopped. I was so happy. Jimmy's sister Amber was way younger than me and was being treated way worse than me. Jimmy told me that. I hated Huey for what he had done because I felt so dirty. I told him that I hoped that he would get in a wreck and die. Two weeks later he was drunk and got into a wreck and suffered a long time crawling in the dirt before he got the chance to die. I didn't shed a tear and neither did Amber.
We had an addition added to our house about a year after we moved in and mom fell in love with one of the construction workers. He was a child molester. He tried me every chance he got. I was scared of him. He was huge and he always threatened me. He showed me his guns saying everyone you love will die if you say anything. I wanted so badly to tell but I was scared that he would hurt my family. He would wait until my mom worked night shift and he would come into my room and make me suck on his **** and he would massage me and rub his **** in between my ***** lips and make me do all kinds of things. I had to tell him that I loved him more than my mom ever would and that he had the best **** ever. He played with my breasts and licked my ***** and spanked me. He said he liked it that way. He did this many times before I got the courage to do something about it. I decided that the next time he came into my room that I would hurt him so badly that he would leave me alone. He came into my room that night and when he tried to get on top of me I lifted my knee as hard as I could into his balls as I could. I felt him gasp for air and I got up out of my bed so that I could run out of the door. He grabbed my hair and threw me down on the floor he tried to get on top of me again and he was very angry. I knew that he would do something way worse than he had been doing. I punched him in his nose and his eyes started watering. I knew he would leave me alone for that night. The next day after school I saw him and his eye had a small cut below it. I was so proud because I knew that I had did that. He told my mom that he had gotten into a fight with his brother. She had no reason not to believe him. He tried months later and again I hurt him. For the first time someone that had hurt me was scared of me. I guess I would be to if someone was chasing me with a knife. He never tried anything after that. My mom and him always got into fights after that. He grabbed my mom around the throat and she punched him in the nose. Once again his eyes watered. I jumped on his back and took my moms jam making stick and started beating him in the head with it. He slung me off and turned around to hit me and I threw a can of soup at his face. It stopped him long enough for my mom to sock him in the jaw. She layed his *** out. There were many more fights after that. She thinks that she finally made him leave but what she doesn't know is that it was really me. I went to my friends house and stole his daddy's gun and the next time I saw Junior I pointed it at him and told him if you stay here tonight, YOU WILL NOT WAKE UP TOMORROW!!! He picked a fight with my mom and like usual she threw his stuff out the door and he never came back. Why would she think that by doing the same thing that never made him leave before would make him leave this time.
She is with Will now and he is the best thing that has ever happened to her. He gets my mom and he gets my brother and I. He wants to kill the ones whom did my mom and I wrong. He is a true man and there should be more like him. They have been married for over a year and are doing great.
Throughout my whole ordeal. I don't believe in God because to me he should have helped my family and not let someone so young and innocent go through so much pain. I like girls instead of guys. I feel broken. I can't have sex and feel clean about it. When my feelings are hurt I feel like hurting the ones that caused mine to be hurt. I have trust issues and problems with relationships. I don't talk to my grandmother because I feel as though she knew the whole time. She loves the other side of the family now and has nothing to do with us. She turned my aunts and other uncles against us. The only family that I have is My uncle Chris, My aunt Ceceilia and my grandmother Joy. The grandma that did me wrong was my great grandma.I have told my grandma Joy about what has happened and was told to make a report. To be honest I will not. One day I will avenge my lost childhood the only way I know how. Benjamin has kids of his own and I think everyday that he is probably doing that to his kids. Thankfully he is not around them. His wife left him. If you are going to judge me for not believing in God then you are doing wrong by him anyways. You are not supposed to judge. I am sharing my story, you don't have to like it or understand it. I just want others to know they are not the only ones. Being molested ruins your childhood and relationships in the future. I feel empty all of the time and think of how I should have stopped it earlier. By the way for some sort of timeline. I have lived in this house for almost eleven years and I am twenty years old. I considered sending Benjamin's mother a copy of this hoping that she would not disown me and think it is made up and instead doing away with her bastard son.
BaddBree 18-21, F 4 Responses 1 Sep 13, 2011