Two Cousins,One Me

So I really dont want to write this but I guess my innerbeing is telling me to so I guess I will. This story will be the first time I tell it besides the fact that I chose to already tell a few people here on EP because the situation called for it. Well Here goes...

When I was about five or six I was molested by my cousin. My cousin is eight years older than I am and he is a little "slow". I dont know what illness he has but it just makes his mind a lot of years younger than what he is but he still knew about sex at this time. He would always take me behind the barn after we were finished playing in the sandbox or playing in the feilds(we lived on ten acres of land). He wouldnt take his time. He would lay me down and pull my pants down and proceed to put his penis in my butt. It hurt like crazy but I didnt know better. I was very innocent as some may say. He did this many times througout my five or six year old life. I had taken his penis in both my butt,hands and mouth. He wanted the pleassure and he got the pleassure.

Day time was not the only time he got his action. One time we were sleeping in the same room and I woke up to a penis being inserted into my butt. I pretended to still sleep so maybe he would get off(I dont know what made me think this as it seems he wanted me asleep anyway). He finished what he was doing and good thing he couldnt ********* yet,that wouldve been a mess lol(I laugh yes,Ill get more to that later).

Now lets get talking about my other cousin.Yes two cousins had molested me in my childhood and the weird thing is it happened at the same time my other cousin was molesting me. This cousin was more adventureous though. Lets begin...

Well we were pretty close as early as I can remember. She was four year older than I was so I looked up to her and followed her everywhere. We were playing "house" as little kids do and we were in the shack where we kept fire wood but it was summer time so there was no wood so it made for a really good hiding place and place to play "house". We had set up "curtains" so nobody can see the inside of our "house". We were playing and then all of a sudden we start playing "doctor". Her choice. So we go through procedure and finally start getting examined. I take my shorts off and left standing in my tighty-whities. She takes them off for me. She starts playing with my penis andĀ I startĀ getting erect(it doesnt hurt for me to get erect because I had been watching **** since I was four,my brother's fault). So my little erect penis is as it is and she then starts telling me to play the role of the doctor. I did as she did to me until we were both naked. I have no clue how she already knew about sex but she did. She told me to put it in her so I did because I already knew what to do. She possibly made me the freak I am today(Ill explain in detail in another paragraph). She made me lick every part of of her body.EVERY PART.

So the shack was just one of many spots where she would have her way with me. We would also do things under the bed of my first cousin that would molest me. In my own house. Her house. In the feilds. In the barns. Right beside the cows part of the land. Inside of vehicles. EVERYWHERE she can think of.

So why I laugh. Since I didnt know better I really didnt think it was very wrong of my first cousin to do all of that to me at the time. Since I didnt think it was wrong until years later I found out it was wrong I didnt really care. It happened to me but since I found out "too late" it didnt bother me. It didnt make an imprint on my life. Please dont think Im bragging because I know people get emotionally damaged but I was just fortunate enough for that to not happen.

Why I was made into the freak I am today. When I get into bed with a girlfriend I lick her body like no tomorrow. I lick neck to toe and EVERYTHING in between. I also love to dominate as my cousin dominated me.

So thats my story. As a five or six year old I lived the molested life. It didnt harm me emotionally as far as I know. It possibly made me more emotionally detached because I cant feel for people as some most people will after either being long time friends or a tradgedy. My parents tell me Ive never been able to show my love even as an infant/toddler. So either I was really never a person easily suceptable to geting emotionally attached or that whole year made that characteristic even stronger. But yeah. Ive never told my family and Ive never been to therapy either. So to anybody that thinks their life is over and read this here story know that there is hope and you can move on. Dont let it hold you back because its the past and please Im really not trying to sound like a butthead.

P.s. I have no clue if my cousins did anything together with one another but they did live in the same house.My grandparents took them in from my dysfunctional aunts.
Daphney1001 Daphney1001
18-21, M
8 Responses Feb 19, 2012

Wow, I want to write my story too, but i'm a bit shy. well my story was, when i was 6 boy and my older cousin is 7 girl. one day, we play doctor, i just dont understand why she like's to play, lick, stoke etc with my penis but as we get older i started to like it, and i would put my little penis (about 4 inches when i was 7) into her butt and mouth it was fun, now i'm 15 and we are still doing, oh her friend joined us too!

Wow !! I'm encouraged! I have kept the secret to myself many years and done well...not good...but well. I am 41 and was molested by several cousins all male except 1 female. I am the younger of all then. I recently told my mom & husband and my female cousin about being mollested. My female cousin I told because she married my male cousin that had mollested me for many years and even once after they were married and pregnant with his child. Now let me explain ... This female cousin is my moms niece and the male cousin us my dad's nephew.,, they are married today. I have kept my distance from him by living in another state for many years. Recently I have gone back to my hometown for funerals etc. let me back up before the funerals ... My mom shared a/me that she had been a victim by her very own brother so I felt compelled to share my story of being molested. Later in the year my mom had told all of my immediate family. I began to lose control over this dark secret... I called my moms niece who is married to my fathers nephew and told her I was sorry for being rude towards her at our g'mothers funeral. Then proceeded to tell her that it was undirected anger that I was scared what my husband was going to say or do but that I was even uncomfortable because her husband , my male cousin, had molested me when they were married and she was pregnant with their child! And top it off her brother watched!!! I never shared with her that he played all kinds of kissing house, doctor games as we grew . ( he was older) I just realize that the more ppl know the more I feel obligated to confront those that are perverted! This male cousin now had 3 sons 1 which is been recently convicted for sex crimes & is sent away for many yrs. I can't but help think if is said something sooner maybe he would have made better choices. It is a sickness and I believe it can be passed on to your children ... Victim or predator... I want to stop the madness & be apart of the solution ! I have several other moletstors that I have not confronted and not sure I ever will. This 1st one has been on a huge emotional toll on my parents. Also, on myself, I'm very defensive right now.

Also, want to mention that my mom found a "school" note when I was young consoling a friend that was being mollested and she tore the note & scolded me about lying . That is causing her a lot of turmoil today. She buried the secret more than I ever wish I could have!

Do you see these cousins now?

I'm not familiar w/blogg'n so excuse my inexperience ... I am having a hard time differentiating who is commenting or asking ?'s to me vs other blogs. Help?

Ibonly see them when I go back home for special occasions, which I try to avoid.

"Only" I guess I can't type tonight.

I like how you told your story, and you have good, sensible words for others who may have went through the same thing. Salut!

Ty. I feel really that I need to help my mom understand why I am chiding now to confront him after so many years.

It makes me feel like theirs a statute of limitations if telling your story... Your life...Your heartaches ... But I refuse to be limited any longer !!!! I'm angry and want to be better 'n

I've thought about about writin a timeline of events ... Detailed with names and the activity that took place and when I die it would be read. Sick I feel that one would do that to their family ... But if I told it today while living I feel I'd be persecuted

Ty. I am on here for support & feeling such need of answers.

1 More Response

I don't think people get emotionally distraught as people think with some fondling at a young age. Especially women who get more perverted as the years go by. And now with cyberporn going ballistic their reputation as **** watchers will match that of men.

What about men getting more perverted ? I can speak from experience of a young girl being fondled that it was nothing I'd ever wanted or dreamed!

A lot of the people who ARE traumatized by it are traumatized because somebody told them it was bad, NOT because it was unpleasant. (Personally, I really enjoyed it, and was an active participant, but if I told anyone they would say awful things about my Grandpa....)

Given the fact that you lick every inch of your girls and dom them, is a type of scarring. Just saying.

to me its not scarring. just imprinted

Never the less, I'm sorry you went through that at such a young age.

Glad to know I'm not the only one who has sexual ties into what happened in my past =) <br />
....Only you remember way more than I have at the age of five/six. <br />
<br />
I was talking to my friend and told her that I can never be a dom in bed and then she asked why and I said "since when I was younger it didn't feel right to be dom, I was submissive and that is what I'm use to that's what I was taught at a young age and it just feels right still" <br />
Which is rather weird I guess.

I was reading this story holding my head like wow. It's good that you are so strong the way that you are. Alot of people wouldn't be able to laugh it off like that. I don't want to laugh at something that happened to you, but near the cows dude. You seem to have a great attitude about yourself and your life. I'm glad you didn't let it scar you, good for you.

lol its ok to laugh. It wont offend me one bit. I just dont want anything to hold me back from enjoying life to the fullest :). I just try to accept things as they are.If I can fix whatever it may be then I will but If its out of my control then why bother moaning and groaning?Thats just me though :)

I have a lot to learn from you. I have done well for myself over the years but screwed up & told my mom which now I have confronted one of my many cousins. Confused and very much regrets