Wanting To End My Life

Ever since I was a little girl I hated everything about me. I never really understood the meaning of being molested until I was 15. For 5 HORRIBLE years I was molested by 2 family members that I thought truely cared about me. I had to live my life in hate fear not knowing if I should kill myself or just pray and eventually I would stop breathing. I'm 22 now and it took me til now to let my darkness out. I'm still dealing with evil thoughts and due to my past I've had to be put on a antidepressant medication. I truely understand how you all feel... I JUST NEVER WOULD THINK MY OWN SIBLINGS WOULD EVER HURT ME. I hate a grow to hate myself everyday because of the rage I've let develop from within.... I let my aggression out on my fiance. I know that's not right and I can only put a stop to that. I know he is an angel that was sent to me, because if it wasn't for him I prob. Would not be alive today.
dreag dreag
1 Response Sep 25, 2012

That sounds terrible. I think it might be best to realize that it wasn't your fault and any hate or anger towards yourself is really just a reflection of how "hurt" you are, not of how you are really as a person. I think forgiving and forgetting may help you a lot. Throw out the anti depressants, obviously they are just a scam to get money out of people. They obviously haven't made you magically happy. Only you can do that by letting go, looking forward, and being there to help others who may have gone through the same thing.