Molested At 6 Then Molests Cousin At 11

My boyfriend is a "recovering" Heroine addict (Hes at his 5th program in the last 6 years) I am pregnant with his child...(he was working on staying clean while i was dating him...he kept relapsing and checked himself in to treatment, 3 weeks later i find out im pregnant)

He confided in me months before he enter the program that he was molested when he was little..after having found out that i was having a girl...i for some reason couldnt stop obsessing over knowing this piece of information, so i go confront his mother to make sure its true, and she said oh yes. and i asked how it came about (all he had said is he finally confessed it years later)

He was molested when he was 6 years old by a neighbor boy who was 7 (whom obviously was being molested by someone himself, as he would drag his little sister in to take part in the antics) my boyfriend then kept that a secret up until he was 11 when his younger cousins then 4 and 6 themselves told their dad what my boyfriend was having them do (in a one time isolated event) boyfriends uncle came to his dad and said, he had to have had something happen to him for him to be doing this, then my boyfriend comes out with his confession of being molested when HE was little....he was very emotional crying and shaking even when he told me this story obviously very scared of what i would think of him...he also confided that it for a while made him question his sexuality (which happens in most ALL cases with male on male abuse)

Heres my hang up...what went on with my boy friend in the 5 year frame between 6-11...and being FIVE whole years older then the 6 year old cousin he turned and acted out with....
My gut tells me there is so so much more abuse that took place...that HE was doing onto others.

in my gut feeling..based on his parents telling me his behavioral issues started at 12 right after the cousin incident...he has a lengthy sexual partner list of over 100 girls...i dont believe he continued the abuse behavior..(which i believe was purely based on the pleasure aspect and being able to manipulate young children was easiest to get the pleasure, it wasnt any kind of DOMINANT CRUEL type of sexual abuse...it was trickery i think ya kno) his massive drug use that started with pott and pills at only 14..in my again opinion is the soul ROOT of the sexual abuse that was done onto him and then that he did unto others....

So, hes in this program, im here pregnant and he gets out in september..im having a heart attack and will most definitely have this addressed im just not sure how to go about it...i feel going through his counselor first will be best, so he wont be able to down play anything (out of embarrassment of course and shame)

his mother said when she found this out when he was 11 that she put him in therapy but he "didnt take to it" hence his mass ****** up head, promiscuity and terrible drug use that has lead to mass addiction.. and so forth.

mind you he was/is raised in a severe christian family...
we are 24...

i just dont kno what to do. and i feel sick to my stomach, i thought i had to worry about him relapsing or OD'ding....things he does to himself that are destructive..and now i fear my chils safety.

i need opinions, thoughts, encouraging words..advice, what can i say to him what SHOULD i say to him...how should i approach this. dont tell me to pray about it, and dont tell me to leave it along.
dissociativedreamer dissociativedreamer
22-25, F
4 Responses Jan 7, 2013

I'm just gonna say .. My baby's father is a meth addict.. And if I found out he didn't something like that.. I wouldn't allow him in my child life at all .. I as molested by my cousin when I was a little girl and I will do ANYTHING within my power to make sure it doesn't happen to her, I am gonna talk to her bout if someone does something to her to tell me, or scream.. Don't be afraid to tell me.. Sorry I can't offer any advise but watch your child.. For signs..Be cautious, please .. Don't leave her alone w. Him for to long.. Idk

Practice stepping into your own beauty and wholeness. This will grow and give you wisdom. People need to operate from there spiritual centers rather than fear.

I'm not a mother or a father but I was touched by a family member when I was younger and when I hit 15 I touched two family members. Honestly I'm 19 now and will never do it again I have a baby sister who's 5 and I baby sit her a lot and love her to death. From the sounds of it your boyfriend is trying to change but make sure he gets clean first and you both go through all the counseling classes together. As a mother the child's safety does come first but you already know that but do give him a chance to try to make himself a better person

I am a single mother, the father of my child is a heroine addict. Besides that fact, because I know that you stated your boyfriend is trying to get help which is admirable on his part...But the reality is besides his drug use...His troubled past. If his troubled past is something that haunts you to this severity, and you honestly fear for the safety of your child, then you need to do in your heart what is in the best interest of your little girl. Don't think of your boyfriend's feelings, or even your own...think of your little girl's safety and well being. I can't tell you what to do, I can only tell you what I would do. Maybe you and your boyfriend can take a break. Do your research about the rest of his past and then why don't you go to counseling WITH him? On a regular basis? This way you can see exactley where his head is at and it will make you feel better knowing more and being more involved with his deep routed issues. If they still bother you then you know it's time to move on. Just because you guys aren't together doesn't mean that you won't be great parents. Good luck to you, and I wish you nothing but the best.