A Little Too Young

As i can recall, around when i was 3 years old and my cousin was 2 years older than me .He didnt know what he was doing,all he knew is that it satisfied him.Me on the other hand didnt know what was being done to me.All i knew is that i did what he told me to do since he was older..The First time "It" happened ,was when My parents his parents and our aunt lived all together in one house. It was only me and him and our aunt ,since she was baby sitting us two .It all occurred in his parents room .Where He always told me it was a game called "Mommy and daddy".So he gave me one of his stuffed animals and we would call it "our" child.He told me to put it to sleep, so i placed it down.Then he told me to take off my pants and get into bed ,cause it was time to go "night night" .So i did as he said.Suddenly he got on top of me and ... sticked ..it in..[Gives me chills as i remember the feeling} .As i felt "it in" i just looked into his eyes and watched him move up and down.As soon as he was done and got off me ,Our aunt came in and asked us if we were going to eat dinner ,but we both said No. Im guessing she thought we were cuddling under the blankets since we were too young.(I Honestly dont know how i clearly remember this ,but it is a part of me now}.The Second time "It" happened was when i was 3 and a half ,but this time it was both my guy cousins ,Around the same age.One was the previous cousin.We All recently moved in with other family members from phoenix .And all i can remember was, that one of my aunt, Suppose to be baby sitting us while everybody else was at work .All i can remember was when they each were taking turns to stick it in ....my ..rear end...So they both took turns while i was positioned on a beanbag.{i assume to this day that my youngest cousin was the one that motivated my other cousin to do it).Because when i was in the fourth grade i used to talk to him over the phone of what happened, and he told me ,he regretted doing that.So i guess i forgive him since i dont talk to him no more since we lost contact. I had to move once again ,and this time finally to florida. Unfortunately my cousin and his parents decided to move with us .Thank god we lived thousands of Miles apart .i Thought i finally was be able to be away from him.But sadly my life never got better. Every time my mom would make me and my dad go visit them i always expected for him to look for me.So he did. Ridicously out of no where he decided to be sweet and gentle with me.So me being the nice dumb one that i was ,became close to him and we even called each other brother and sister.But i noticed he only did that to be able to touch me .{Of course}. What ****** me off is When i remember that night we (Our parents and his Best guy friend or bud } were coming back from the beach ,and the three of us were in the back bed of my van .I was still in my bikini so i guess they took advantage of me and asked me to his friend touch my breast and he would me a Freaking dollar when we get home.Thank god i said No.From that point foward i started telling him no for everything so he rebelled with me and started bullying me by slapping me punching me and calling me fat and ugly until i did what he said.i would cry but every body just thought i was a cry baby.Then it gets worse ,My Mother not wanted to take care of me when summer came she would send me to stay with him and his parents for Two months which felt like 2 years.And this would happen EVERY summer until my fourth grade summer .His whole family would treat me like Complete garbage /slave. he was even teaching his little brother to treat me badly .but i couldn't do anything about it ,but just deal with it.So i did.the only thing was that he would make me feel like his girlfriend And he would touch me when ever he felt like it.especially when his mom wasn't around .but still treat me badly. Once my favorite aunt caught us dry humping but he forced me to do it or else he wouldnt leave me alone and let me watch t.v .So of course he blamed it On me like always and i got in trouble..I have stop visiting though cause times got rough and my parents didnt have time to visit anymore .I thought i was finally free from my nightmare.but of course my nightmare didnt feel like stopping there because as soon as i reached kindergarten "It"hit me again . i have been rapped by my use to be best friend , 16 year older brother when i was in kindergarten AND one of my moms friend son about my age now...Thank fully this all ended when my parents Finally divorced each other in my six grade year BUT through the process of them seperating i fell into deep depression.As a result of my parents not even paying attention to me anymore i ended up at a mental hospital {Dont worry im not crazy nor mental} .Just being put a side by both my parents feeling like i was Simply a nobody or nothing not even a speck of dust ,Having my past haunt me ,i soon considered myself as a sex toy and i was suicidal.Cutting myself etc.... Mostly sad ,while my past would eat me alive in my head .i Just needed time alone , far ,,,far ,,,,,,,away from everybody i knew .so i stayed there for the whole summer .Beyond that point me and my dad were starting a new chapter . Now i am happily living with my father who is able to support  me since my mother decided to leave us.Yes i know im young and you probably wont believe me because im only 14.But hey i could say i made it ! and i know You Can Too love!. I dont let myself be scared of any man ,cause they can no longer hurt me.  .Just moving On with life With our past as a lesson.As i always say "Life Goes  On <3" Thank you for reading my story and i hope its helps in any way 
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 14, 2013