I Continue To Blame Myself...

My memory of it is very hazy, mainly because I didn’t think about it for a couple of years. Over the years I have lost some of the details of that night. One night over fall break of my freshman year of high school, I was spending the night with my two younger cousins. My cousin and I were lying in her bed and everyone was asleep in the house except for me. We laid at opposite ends of the bed because she is such a crazy sleeper. I was listening to music when I felt someone staring at me. My younger male cousin was standing in the doorway and he was staring at me. I didn’t really know what he wanted, so I thought I would just act like I was asleep and he would go away, but he never did. He came into the room and stared at me. Then he molested me. I’m not sure if my cousin who I was sleeping in the bed with saw or heard anything. The next day he acted like nothing happened. I’ve only told a select few people in my life. This happened six years ago, but I still blame myself for what happened. It only happened once, but I am still affected greatly by it. I’m trying to reach the day when I don’t constantly think about it and don’t blame myself. It completely kills me that he's younger than me...

BeautifulScars6 BeautifulScars6
22-25, F
4 Responses Feb 21, 2010

My cousin was much older than me.
His favorite game was to have me
lie on top of him, and I would attempt
to keep his torso pinned while he
thrust his groin into me.

Wow I posted this almost 3 years ago and I'm still really dealing with it. I hope there's a point where I can just move on. I'm just really tired of dealing with this on a daily basis.

I know it's been forever since you've posted this, but still, thank you so much for sharing. I too, was molested by a male cousin who was younger than me (I too pretended to still be asleep). I've felt that it was my fault, too. It's sort of a relief knowing that I'm not alone. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing. There is comfort in knowing that people understand your situation even though its an unfortunate one.

IT's not your fault and it's good that you told a few people who are close to you because at least they know what happened to you and as long as you continue to have those people in you're life, they'll be there for you and hopefully protect you. . .so dodn't ever blame yourself because it's not your fault