I Was Molested By My Father
When I was a little girl, 12 yo, my father started sodomizing me. He started having normal sex with me earlier, but after I got my period he stopped penetrating my vagina and started with my anus. At the time I did not know why, but now I think he was preventing a possible pregnancy (I'm not sure). The thing that is even more embarrassing is that I distinctly remember him penetrating my vagina with his fingers while he was sodomizing me and telling me how wet I was and that meant "I liked it". I knew I didn't like it but I also could not explain all the wetness... This happened on more then one ocasion. He would also use my mouth; At first I didn't even know what to do but he kept giving me instructions... It was disgusting and I hate myself for admitting this but in a strange way I was relieved that he wasn't hurting me (physically anyway). Every time I recall those days that retched taste comes back to my mouth and I can't explain those mixed feelings that I was having during those moments. I was dreading the moment he would finish because he would almost always make me swallow but at the same time I would be relieved that it was over (at least for awhile). I am ashamed that I let those things happen to me but at the time I really didn;t have a choice. I was twelve and it went on until I was sixteen. My mother started suspecting something was wrong when sometimes she would find smelly stains on my underwear. When she asked me about them I was too afraid and embarrassed to say anything. I was afraid of him, of what he would do if I didn't comply... At first I felt like it was my fault for staining the underwear, he never told me to go to the bathroom after he came inside me and so I let it leak out into my panty and down my legs a few times until she questioned me about it. He threatened me when we were alone and sometimes while he was abusing me. I've never told anyone about these horrible experiences; in a way I feel guilty about letting it happen. I feel that if I only had more courage... if I didn't do as he said he would spank me with his belt until I wasn't able to sit on a chair. It was easier (easy might not be the rite word) to do as he said and get it over with as fast as possible. That's probably why, when I turned 14 or so, he developed a real interest in my newly developed breasts. He would fondle them before abusing me when we were alone (witch happened often since my mom worked two shifts) and sometimes even when she was home downstairs in the kitchen and he would call me upstairs, he wouldn't go all the way then, but would touch me all over and squeeze them until they heart and made me feel so dirty that I had to take a shower before going back downstairs. Because of him I have never had a normal relationship with anybody. It all ended when I was sixteen. It happened one morning when my mother was at work and we were in the kitchen. He garbed my hand and pulled me into the living room. I thought I new what he wanted and started feeling sick in anticipation of what he was going to do to me again. But I was wrong this time, he sat on the couch and told me to stand in front of him. Then he told me to take my clothes off in front of him. I was disgusted at the idea and also at myself. He said he didn't want to touch me that day for some reason but that I had to touch myself if I didn't want to get a beating. In my stupid little brain I was actually relieved that I would not have to feel his disgusting hands on me. When I was completely naked a neighbor walked in the front door and saw me there standing in front of my dad squeezing my breasts with one hand and penetrating myself with the TV remote control with the other like he told me to. The neighbor took one look at me and then at him and rushed out and called the police. I still have a vivid memory of that day and how I froze still in that position after Mr. Roberts left through the front door. My dad ran to his truck and they picked him up and hour later somewhere and is currently in prison. I don't know why I'm confessing all these now on the web but I just can't keep all these things in me anymore and I guess it is easier to write them down then to say them out loud. I would like to discuss this some more with some of you that have similar situations because to be honest, I'm 24 years old and still confused about some things that he did to me.