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My Hero Took My Virginity

I had an panic attack when I was 13. I laid down naked on the bathroom floor while I waited for my heart and breathing to slow down. My dad came home walked into the bathroom and found me there naked. I was so emberasssed. when i went to get up he told me to stay. he got down on the floor and felt my heartbeat. he then casually felt my breast and kissed my lips. I got up told him things felt strange , apoligized for using his bathroom and left. A while later our kisses goodnight became more like a couple and less like a father daughter . I never stopped him , but always asked that it not happen again. One night shortly after my 14th birthday he took me into his room ( we was married to my stepmother but she was not home) and performed oral sex on me. I was scared , confused , and heartbreaken I ran into the livinging room , colasped because I was shaking so hard and told him that I did not want that to ever happen again. I told him that I loved him and that I wanted nothing bad to happen to him but everything that was going on was wrong. Wwe talked and agreed that things had gotten out of hand and somehow by the end of it he convinced me that somehow I his daughther had suduced him, about a month later he came home a bit intoxicated to me to undress and right there on the dining room floor he raped me. after he got up taught me how to clean blood out of a carpet and since I have never been the same. He continued being sexual with me intil i left a few months later. I never told my family , but did tell my husband. The older I get the more it seems to affect me. In the middle of sex I will have flashbacks and begin to have panic attacks. I dont know what to do.
n1529 n1529 31-35 4 Responses Nov 13, 2011

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Do the toughest thing you will ever have to do: forgive him. By doing this in prayer, you will be able to move on. It will take time, but you will find this is the best thing you can do for yourself.

You have to go back to your Dad and **** him like you've never ****** anyone before. This may sound strange and even frightening to you, but by doing this, you will "own" your own sexuality. Then tell him he will never see you again.

:(**

Wow. I totally can relate to what you're going through. What has been helping me is therapy and antidepressants. Keep strong.