Molested By My Father

I feel the pain of everyone on this site that says this. My father molested me for as long as i remember. My mother was a sleepy head and the minute she fell aslee here he came. He would come into my bedroom at night and molest me, the minute my mother left the house, he molested me, any time he could that is what he did. This lasted until my early teens when i then began to see that he was probably afraid i would tell on him. But i never did for years because i didn't want to blow the whole family up. My father had a terrible temper and my mother and the whole family suffered a lot of mental and physical abuse on top of the sexual abuse i suffered. When i was in my late 30's i was sick of seeing my mother take his contant verbal abuse, she was in her late sixties and in bad health. Several times she felt that he was trying to actually kill her and make it look like an accident so after i convienced her, she left him. While they were apart, she struggled with wanting to go back,, i think that she was so stuck and well brainwashed to living that way, and worried about putting anyone outl, that i felt compeled to tell her what he had done to me. She cried got very upset etc. but 3 weeks later she went back to him. This disgusted me and also made me angry with my mother. I could never live with a man that hurt my daughter in that way. But what do you do. In 2008 the monster died and my mom moved in with me. First she wanted me to visit the gravesite with her regularly and put flowers out etc. I did it a few times but then i said, forget this crap, i am not going to act anymore, for all i know his grave is covered in weeds and mud, i have not seen it in over three years and i don't want to. Now my mother doesn't ask anymore, thank god, besides, who are we trying to kid, no one even knows if we go or not, so i got nothing to prove or show, i am not going and that is done, over and out. The pain is still there, my mom doesn't mention it, she comes from the old school, if we don't talk about it, it goes away, i talked to a councelor once about it, but well i didn't get much out of it, he didn't make me feel better, or say, wow your father should not have done that, i guess they don't give opionions, just listen, basically, nothing gained. That is my story. I'm almost 49 and I just learn to deal with it. I am not a victim, i am a survivor.
texgal63 texgal63
46-50, F
4 Responses May 22, 2012

ad me

thank god the monster died and is burning in hell for your pain and suffering i know how you fill whit you mom my mom did the same be strong and forget everything good luck

I'm so sorry about that. I'm molested by my father constantly. He beats me and fingers me and toys with my while telling me how horrible I am. My mum knows. I think I know a bit of your pains.

I was molested by my earthly father. I covered my shame, by abusing food. I suffer from schizo-affective disorder, now. I'm broken.