TroubledWhen I was about 6-7 years of age, I was sexually abused by my Dad. When i was younger I was always a 'Daddy's little girl', it all started with a game where he would trace a picture on my back and I would try and guess what the picture was, it sounds strange now, but as I was young I just thought it was a fun and innocent game. After a while my Dad started to get odd, he would start to reach to touch my chest or bum, as a child I still didnt think anything about it. But was still a little uncomfortable and asked him to stop thinking he wouldn't do it next time, however each time he would continue, and I would get more and more uncomfortable. I tried to stop it from happening, but now he kept on patting my bum whenever he passed me, and continuing to touch me innapropriately. Once when my Mum wasn't in the house, I had gone for a bath and my Dad called me into his room as I was leaving the bathroom to go into my room, thinking this was just a normal event like he was just going to ask my a trivial question or something I went in thinking nothing. After I went into the room he asked me to sit on the bed next to him, after I sat down he pressed me down so that i was lying down; he then removed my dressing down and started to touch me, asking me if I enjoyed it I didn't know what to say at first so just kept quiet i was too confused, I had no idea what was happening. He asked me again if i was enjoying it, and i replied no, he then sat up and let me leave. I went and got dressed still confused over what had happened, and when downstairs, my dad was sat on the sofa looking worried, I sat next to him thinking nothing of it. He then told me that he had just done something very wrong, and he was sorry, but I must promise to never talk about it again, I agreed as he seemed very upset at the time and never spoke of it again. As i grew up, it was often that i would think about it, and as i learnt more and more about sex as i grew older, I started to understand more about how what my Dad had done was wrong, however since he had apologised to me, and I had promised to never speak of it I said nothing. Now however I'm 19 years old and have kept this secret for over ten years, and it eats me up inside, my Dad has never approached me in that way ever again and I have grown up with him as normally as possible in these circumstances. The rest of my family have no idea, and me and my Dad have never spoken of it either, it's so difficult for me keeping the secret for so long now, I fear now that if i tell anyone they will think it so out of the blue i would be lying. I worry also that they would say that it is my fault for allowing him to play that game with me when i was young, so that i was sort of leading him on without knowing even though i was just a child. I would love to be able to see someone about it, or be able to talk to anyone about it who can help, just because I feel like it does affect me in different aspects of my life. Although even though what my Dad did to me, i would never want to hurt him, I knew that he was sorry for what happened, and it would destroy our family if i told them. I have written this anonomously, and all i wanted to do by writing this is just get something off my chest.
scooby82 18-21 3 Responses 1 Jan 5, 2013