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Troubled

When I was about 6-7 years of age, I was sexually abused by my Dad. When i was younger I was always a 'Daddy's little girl', it all started with a game where he would trace a picture on my back and I would try and guess what the picture was, it sounds strange now, but as I was young I just thought it was a fun and innocent game. After a while my Dad started to get odd, he would start to reach to touch my chest or bum, as a child I still didnt think anything about it. But was still a little uncomfortable and asked him to stop thinking he wouldn't do it next time, however each time he would continue, and I would get more and more uncomfortable. I tried to stop it from happening, but now he kept on patting my bum whenever he passed me, and continuing to touch me innapropriately. Once when my Mum wasn't in the house, I had gone for a bath and my Dad called me into his room as I was leaving the bathroom to go into my room, thinking this was just a normal event like he was just going to ask my a trivial question or something I went in thinking nothing. After I went into the room he asked me to sit on the bed next to him, after I sat down he pressed me down so that i was lying down; he then removed my dressing down and started to touch me, asking me if I enjoyed it I didn't know what to say at first so just kept quiet i was too confused, I had no idea what was happening. He asked me again if i was enjoying it, and i replied no, he then sat up and let me leave. I went and got dressed still confused over what had happened, and when downstairs, my dad was sat on the sofa looking worried, I sat next to him thinking nothing of it. He then told me that he had just done something very wrong, and he was sorry, but I must promise to never talk about it again, I agreed as he seemed very upset at the time and never spoke of it again. As i grew up, it was often that i would think about it, and as i learnt more and more about sex as i grew older, I started to understand more about how what my Dad had done was wrong, however since he had apologised to me, and I had promised to never speak of it I said nothing. Now however I'm 19 years old and have kept this secret for over ten years, and it eats me up inside, my Dad has never approached me in that way ever again and I have grown up with him as normally as possible in these circumstances. The rest of my family have no idea, and me and my Dad have never spoken of it either, it's so difficult for me keeping the secret for so long now, I fear now that if i tell anyone they will think it so out of the blue i would be lying. I worry also that they would say that it is my fault for allowing him to play that game with me when i was young, so that i was sort of leading him on without knowing even though i was just a child. I would love to be able to see someone about it, or be able to talk to anyone about it who can help, just because I feel like it does affect me in different aspects of my life. Although even though what my Dad did to me, i would never want to hurt him, I knew that he was sorry for what happened, and it would destroy our family if i told them. I have written this anonomously, and all i wanted to do by writing this is just get something off my chest.
scooby82 scooby82 18-21 3 Responses Jan 5, 2013

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Wow lovabletnguy, that guy just sounds like an ignorant *****. For someone who has been physically touched, it doesn't matter if it was forced rape or not, it's still abuse and is something that is emotionally traumatizing to a child. You are an ignorant ***** and shame on you for existing. I'm so sorry this happened to you scooby, I went through something similar as a child and I still live with my dad and have to see him everyday. It's difficult and does affect other aspects of your life for sure.

Both of you are being ridiculous. It was one time events and nothing else happened. HOW could possibly affect you now that you're grown? It can't. You're just trying to find some reason for someone to feel sorry for you for something you did wrong.

I would never condone someone getting abused.. especially hurt and abused and would encourage anyone that was hurt to tell someone.

If both of your stories are true, neither of you were hurt. You got touched... not penetrated, not forced to perform oral sex. If either of you were given a bath and washed all over, the touching would have been exactly the same.

You seeking attention now for something that so minor will do nothing but cause more problems for you than you will ever imagine.

Lol alright. You weren't there. Don't try to to tell us how we're supposed to feel and how what happened is not a big deal. You're not me and you don't know the pain I deal with every single day. You're right, I wasn't raped or forced to do the other horrible things you listed, but I was molested by my father, who I see everyday. I have to look at him everyday with the haunting memory sitting at the back of my mind. What he did to me was not the same as "giving me a bath," so don't try to talk about something you don't know. I'm not seeking attention. I'm just trying to figure out how to deal with what happened to me so it doesn't cause more pain in the future. Do NOT tell me how to feel and do not call me an attention seeker, considering you weren't there.

The exact same thing happened to me too. Your story has given me hope and knowing that I'm not the only one going through this. It happened only once, when I was four. I'd get so scared so sleep by myself so I'd always ask my mom or dad to go sleep in my room with me. It happened on one of the nights my dad was in there. It just happened out of nowhere. He stuck his hand down my pants and started rubbing, asking if it felt good. I didn't know how to respond to something so uncomfortable. He then grabbed my hand and forced my to rub his. He then tossed my hand out and told me, "oh god, oh god. don't tell your mom." And I never have. I haven't told anybody about it. I've been able to block this memory since it happened but the past few months it's been coming back to haunt me. It hurts because I want to talk to my best friend about it but she hangs out at my house all the time and I don't want her to think differently of him, or me. I know he deeply regrets what he did. It only happened that one time and he's never touched or looked at me the same way since. He's been a great father to me and a great husband to my mom, and I just don't want to destroy that with this secret. I want to go to therapy but I'm so scared he'll get reported and go to jail. I can't stand to think about that happening. I'm in no way condoning what he did, but I don't want everything to be destroyed by a horrible mistake he made a long time ago.