I Am Not Sure What Happened

When I was 3 years old, my parents got divorced and soon after that, she found a guy and started a relationship... He was always very special to me, he was so close, I started to tell him ''dad''.. He showed me how to ride a bike, and went to every school meeting... but sometimes, when my mom left the livingroom, he sat me on his lap and touched me in ways that made me feel uncomfortable, I remember telling him to stop, or taking his hands away, but he never did... soon as he heard my mother's footsteps he stopped... Once we were on the bedroom with my mom, and she left, and he grabbed me from behind and put his hands inside my shirt into my breast (I was about 11 years old) and started squeezing... or when I started menstruating, and going on parties or stuff, he used to watch my butt and touch it and asked me why was I not wearing a thong... and he asked me not to mention his comments to my mom.. he died in 2006, right now I am 21, and I feel bad because I feel happy he's dead.. he and my mom had 2 children, which stayed without a father.. and I feel so confused, because he was such a special person with me and then he made things that gave me nightmares and next day he was the best dad ever... Six years after I still have nightmares, and I hate feeling all these things for him when I have my two siblings and mother suffering the loss of this man...
sofi555 sofi555
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 20, 2013

I am surprised at how similar this story is to my own. I didn't ever think that someone would ever have a similar story to me. My step dad who I thought was my dad would touch me inappropriately but would act like the best dad in the world the next. Being a kid I hated it but forgot about it the next day until one day I finally realised what he was doing was wrong. As I became a teenager, the memories of him touching me still haunts me. I literally remember them everyday. I think I want to so I can be reminded of what he done to me.