Sometimes Horrible Things Can Be Survived

I was born in London, England. When I was 6 years old, my mother brought me to America to live. She met a great man who treated her well. She had a history of unhealthy relationships, including my father who remained in England. Shortly after, they got married and my mom had a baby girl. They both had multiple jobs to make ends meet and I was home alone with the baby. My stepfather was the best thing that ever happened to me. I called him dad. My mom had a second girl and I watched her too. All that was good, suddenly went sour when I turned 9. My mother worked more than my stepfather. He would frequently come home very angry and become very violent toward me and only me. In addition to that, he started touching me inappropriately and playtime turned into other things. I was threatened not to tell mom. This would go on for 5 years. No one knew why I suddenly had deep disrespect for him. They thought it was the stepchild syndrome.
When I turned 14, I became promiscuous and my stepfather stopped touching me and called me dirty names. I became pregnant (by another man) and had an abortion. All of my boyfriends were significantly older than me. At 16, my school found out and convinced me to call the police for the sake of my sisters. The police came and dropped the case the next day due to having a boyfriend 12 years my senior. I left the next day. I've been on my own ever since. I lived with the boyfriend though I paid rent. I had multiple jobs and was in high school. I later found that the man was addicted to crack. I used to blame my parents for all of this.
I managed through it all and graduated #20 in my class. I went on to college and then the military. I ended up marrying the boyfriend but quickly divorced him. I started to feel more human again. Then I called my mother to ask her a question and my stepfather answered. He started to blame himself for my choice in men and then apologized for all the things he did to me. It was so sincere and deep, I had to stop him. It takes a lot to admit when you're wrong especially after denying it for years.
I am now 30 and after years of continuous treatment, I am fairly mentally healthy and have forgiven my stepfather. I can hug him and feel ok, I sit next to him, I have warm conversations with him. It took years but we both work at it. My mother and I took a little longer but we have a healthy relationship now too. I am currently in a alcohol/drug/violence/abuse-free relationship and have been married for 6 amazing years.
What would you do if you were in my situation?
Skittles333 Skittles333
1 Response Jan 19, 2013

Please don't ever trust him with your children or anyone else child.